"False shells, false faces, real worlds, real despair, seventeen years, can be finished, nothing, just say goodbye to yourself." 」 It was a suicide note that a big boy had once written. This child has always given the impression of being tough and cheerful, positive and optimistic, and the real situation is that he is sunny on the outside and sad on the inside. The pressures of family, emotion and school, the young man's still young shoulders are limited and there is no way to resolve them.
Ji Kai's independence and sense of responsibility are extremely strong, and he is a child who will be assured by adults everywhere, so what is the reason why he does not say goodbye? People are full of doubts. During the lunch break, the same table flipped through Ji Kai's desk and found a note that read, "Say goodbye to yourself."
Ji Kai is a sports-gifted student, the kind of child who only has poor academic performance, and is very good in other aspects. Among the common physical students, there are strong personalities, lack of self-discipline and other characteristics, he does not have any, in the classmates not only popular but also very authoritative, it is really impossible to imagine that he will have the idea of taking his own life.
Fortunately, it's just "a thought"
When night fell, the parents called to say that the child had come home. I instructed parents not to ask too many questions, first let Ji Kai have a good rest, and whether to come to school the next day to see his own wishes. At the same time, I reminded the class director that after Ji Kai came to the school, the class should keep a normal state as much as possible, and care but not pay too much attention.
Those who hurt him were his relatives
Ji Kaisheng was born in a small city, and his home has not been peaceful since he can remember. Dad had been a soldier, he had opened a transportation company, he was very grumpy, often angry, especially after drinking, he would train Ji Kai as a soldier. At that time, Ji Kai was only a few years old and was very scared, but whenever he shed tears, he would be beaten because his father would not allow him to cry. Mom is good to Ji Kai, but can't do anything about Dad's behavior. When Ji Kai was beaten, his mother would desperately protect him, and often mother and son were beaten by their father at the same time. In addition to fear, but also to protect his mother, Ji Kai tried to do as much as possible according to his father's requirements, so the ability to "not cry" was trained from an early age.
When I was in elementary school, my parents divorced, mainly because my father had an affair. At that time, Ji Kai was still secretly happy, but his mother was very sad and cried for a long time. Ji Kai said that at that time, he could only hold his mother with his thin arm and say things like "Mother don't be afraid, I will protect you" and so on. Once his mother shook his little hand and said, "You are so thin and have no strength, how can you protect your mother?" Since then, Ji Kai has worked hard to eat and exercise, because only by becoming strong can he protect his mother, which is the main reason why he will become a sports gifted student.
Ji Kai and his mother lived together, her mother did not work before, and her father did not pay child support on time, so her mother began to work. Although life was hard, it was the happiest day ji Kai remembered. After going to work, my mother was in a better mood, more cute and beautiful than before. When Ji Kai was about to enter the third grade, his mother remarried, and his stepfather was an engineer in the factory, and there was a boy who was a year younger than Ji Kai.
Ji Kai and his mother moved into his stepfather's spacious home. The stepfather is very kind, the younger brother seems to be quite well-behaved, and he is much more down-to-earth. But after all, it is not his familiar home, Ji Kai is still very careful, afraid of doing something wrong to cause trouble for his mother and leading to some family war. The stepfather was busy, so the mother quit her job and returned home to take care of the two children. My mother has always been more careful with her brother, and the food and clothing are always used by my brother first. If there are contradictions and conflicts when playing, it is only counted ji kai, never said brother. Sometimes the stepfather sees it at home and criticizes the mother for doing it unfairly, which is not good for the child's growth. From this point of view, the stepfather is not bad.
The mother was as eccentric as ever, once Ji Kai cried bitterly, the mother was very angry, said what the boy was crying, and pushed Ji Kai hard. Ji Kai has always been very well-behaved, he has never seen his mother so angry, he is very afraid, he is also very angry, he feels that his mother does not love himself, only loves other people's children. So he immediately stopped the tears, but stopped paying attention to his mother. After that, her mother blamed herself and apologized to Ji Kai, saying that after all, it was a reorganized home, and it was rare for her stepfather to have good conditions, so that Ji Kai could have a stable environment to live and study, and she had to do her best to maintain this hard-won home. Knowing that his mother was doing this for himself, Ji Kai felt much more comfortable in his heart, and then he tried not to fight with his brother, try to be patient in everything, and reduce conflicts.
After two years of this, my mother gave birth to a younger sister. In the year of Ji Kai's second year of the country, the whole family moved, and then he transferred schools, and it took a lot of trouble just to adapt to the environment. The new classmates' rejection of him is full of tricks, although he is very awkward in his heart, but he cannot show it, and he will not turn his face with his classmates when he is angry. Later it was his athleticism that helped him, and his entry into the school football team was the big news in the class at the time. Because of participating in the football team, Ji Kai made a bunch of friends, so no one in the class bullied him, but his popularity became more and more popular, and he became the head of the sports unit after he went to the third country. Ji Kai said that he did not want to join in the fun, and many times he would rather stay alone, but the real environment did not allow it.
What makes Ji Kai feel most humiliated is the academic results, the stepfather said that it was because there was a difference in the teaching materials when he transferred to the school, and his mother said that it was mainly a brain problem, because the younger brother who also transferred to the school had very good grades. When it comes to reading, he is particularly unhappy in his heart, but fortunately, he entered the star high school with his sports expertise, and he felt slightly better. But the high school curriculum is more difficult, no matter how carefully he listens to it and thinks hard, many of the content is still like a book to him. Although he worked hard, the results of his first year of high school can still be described as "rotten to the end", especially in science, so Ji Kai chose the literary group when the liberal arts and sciences were divided.
Ji Kai was promoted to the second year of high school, and his younger brother was also admitted, and he was admitted to the science gifted class. In order to help his brother celebrate, his parents invited guests at the hotel. Most of the guests were stepfather's friends and colleagues in the company, who only had younger brothers in their eyes, and from time to time they would tease their sister, who was already very cute.
"I was like air, smiling on my face and crying in my heart." Ji Kai told me so.
When Ji Kai's voice fell, the sun had already tilted to the west, and two hours had passed unconsciously.
"Ji Kai, do you know these feelings in your heart?" He shook his head, smiled helplessly, and said, "Actually, I understand my mother very well, she is not easy." Not only did I remarry, but I also had to take care of my three children, so it was normal to ignore me because I was too busy."
"Listening to what you've told me, I feel like your mother isn't very happy with you, isn't that right?" He nodded and said, "She is very dissatisfied with my grades and pays little attention to other aspects." She thinks that only by studying well will she have status in the future, and she always uses her stepfather as an example, which has always been annoying to say."
"Your brother is doing well in school, and it's also your pressure."
"My mother always compares my grades with my brother, he just has better grades than me, and I am not bad at anything else."
"Your stepfather was fine to you, right?"
"The others are nice, very kind, and very kind to me. But it felt like there was always something between the two of us, and he would never treat me as naturally as he did to his younger siblings."
"So you're very cheerful at school, but very silent at home." He nodded and said, "It's okay in school, although the grades are not good, but there is expertise." I know what to do to be popular, so I get along with my classmates and teachers according to the performance I should have. I know no one likes to look at a bitter melon face, but I'm really not as happy as I seem."
"Don't your best friends realize that you actually have a lot of things on your mind?"
"Although I have many friends, but I have fewer friends, occasionally the mood is bad and exposes some small emotions, they don't believe it, and they say ' don't pretend', so I can only continue to put a smile on my face." 」
"I've seen your social platform, not long ago you posted a paragraph that can reveal some real emotional state, I found that a few classmates are not joking, very concerned about you." 」
"Yes teacher, yesterday this dynamic has been at the top, many people have replied to me, many friends who usually play together have told me sorry, saying that they did not find my sadness and sadness." 」 The girl was also constantly sending requests for friends and talking to me on other students' accounts. I was sitting by the river, looking at the screen of my mobile phone, and some corners of my heart seemed to be slowly loosening."
I poured him a glass of water, and after a short break I asked him, "It doesn't matter if you can't describe the mental journey of more than ten hours, or even feel that it is difficult to express it in words." At the moment I want to know what your feelings are and if you still have suicidal thoughts?" He took a deep breath and said, "Teacher, it's hard for me to say how many thoughts have come to mind, but what I'm sure about now is that I won't want to kill myself anymore." At that time, I thought it was very tragic, but now I only think it is too rash and cowardly."
I nodded and asked, "Have you thought about how to adjust and deal with your troubles?" If the problem is not sorted out, it will continue to affect you."
"Teacher, I'm still a little confused and don't know how to adjust, so I want to hear your opinion." Although Ji Kai's academic performance is not very good, he has a strong ability to understand and solve problems. He needs to find the cause of the problem and readjust his attitude towards life, only then will the negative emotions and behavior gradually change. So I introduced him to "rational emotion therapy," the famous "ABC" theory, to inspire and help him.
We found three perspectives in the discussion: the emotional connection with our mother, how we look at school and ourselves, and how to build and maintain intimate relationships. Then according to these three angles to help him arrange homework, each homework is completed in the following steps:
(1) Find your own actual troubles.
(2) Grading for troubles: the highest is that the impact is very large and cannot be changed, followed by the influence is very large can be changed, the third is that the impact is not large and cannot be changed, and the lowest is that the impact is not large and can be changed.
(3) Analyze the causes of troubles and divide them into those that can be understood and accepted and those that cannot be understood and accepted.
(4) Re-rating annoyances.
(5) Find the lowest rating from the adjustable troubles, and then think about the specific methods of adjustment.
With Ji Kai's consent, I met his mom and stepfather. The mother cried reproachfully: "I always felt that the child was quite strong, as if he didn't care about anything, he never knew that he had so many grievances in his heart, and he didn't expect such a big thing to happen.
The stepfather said: "My responsibility is also very big, the child has been with me for many years, although I did not look down on him because he was not a flesh and blood, but I did not care enough about him." I can feel that the child's mind is quite delicate, so I support him in sports. But there was very little communication between us, and mainly I was afraid that if I did more, he would be disgusted. Now it seems that I need to change."
I recommend that parents communicate openly with their children and not be too careful or overly attentive for fear of further problems. It is necessary to gradually adjust the mode of getting along and interacting with his family, so that Ji Kai can feel that he has always been a member of the family. Ji Kai's homework is done well, and the first thing he chooses to adjust and change is to explain to the girl he likes the reason for the previous estrangement from her, even if it is not the right age to talk about feelings, he should be able to be a good friend and reading partner.
The second thing is to talk to your mother, talk about your feelings over the years, and listen to your mother's true views on yourself. After these two things were done, Ji Kai's heart had calmed down a lot. As for the other tasks, sooner or later, I believe he will complete them. With the advent of winter, the lively New Year's Day activities, the tense final preparation and the ensuing holidays have scattered the storm of suicide notes in the cold winter. Ji Kai's silhouette can often be seen on the playground, and he has healed himself.