"Mom is always "online": The best parent-child education is to grow up together

How should a mother accompany her child to grow up? How should parents face the various "complexities" in the process of children's growth? Is there a unified answer to all of this? Although parenting is always a thing that must be "jumped into the game" and there is no ready-made answer, a good parent-child education book will still inspire many parents, and more importantly, give an encouragement - I believe that parents have felt lonely at a certain moment and want to shout a sentence: Who will teach me? Yes, parents also need encouragement and companionship, and this "Mom Is Always Online" is a book that both inspires and encourages.

In the book, I met a wonderful teenager. The protagonist of the book, Rotten Egg, is a self-disciplined, self-motivated, life-loving, good at thinking about everything, is the parents like to see the "other people's children", but compared to admiring him, I am more curious about how he grew up? After reading the whole book, my answer is that the process of parent-child education is not only the growth of children, but also the process of parents' self-education and self-growth, and the final achievement of children is the result of parents and children "running in both directions" and naturally.

Maybe because I am also a mother, when I read this book, I often imagined, this scene and that scene, if I were replaced by me, what would I do? In the face of one thing after another, it is actually difficult for parents to make a more correct decision in hindsight, every time they do it right, it is the parents who are surpassing themselves, the parents who surpass themselves once, and invisibly take the child to surpass once.

For example, everything needs to be calm. The rotten egg clashed with the classmates and was criticized by the school, although the mother was very shocked and nervous, she did not criticize the child with a split head, but let the child tell all the processes, tell the grievances, and then think with the child how to face it correctly. This calmness is very important, it is not only conducive to dealing with problems, but also expresses a precious firmness to the child; this calmness is also very rare, many parents will not be able to control their emotions and shout, but intensify the situation. Being able to control emotions and deal with problems is difficult, but the rotten egg mother does a good job.

Another example is knowing to respect others at all times. Rotten egg mothers teach their children to be considerate of others and respect the efforts of others, not only in language, but also in the details of life. He can see this sincerity in his dealings with his classmates, with his parents, and with his host family. The rotten egg mother shared the plot of bringing gifts to the principal of the American middle school, bringing a set of books that can be placed in the library for everyone to read, and bringing a gift that allows students to understand Shanghai culture, this careful preparation comes from true respect, the recipient can understand, the child can also understand.

Also, rotten egg mothers will protect rotten eggs very rationally. When the child encounters bad behavior in school, the mother's handling method is very rational, not only resolutely protecting the child, but also good at communicating with parents to solve the "root" of bad behavior - dealing with the problem is not either-or, but the process of seeking the greatest common divisor, this rational protection, for the child, can also benefit a lot.

To give examples, you can also give many stories, how to treat learning, how to treat choice, how to deal with the unknown, there are many stories in the book. As the child grows up, the mother may not have every action right (the rotten egg mother has also treated the child rudely and was annoyed afterwards), but just like the sentence she encouraged the rotten egg to say, as long as the diagonal direction on the coordinate map is right, every time a little progress, it is good. And such progress is achieved by the interaction between parents and children, it is better, everyone is moving in the right direction, each time a little progress.

Now many parents know that they should say their love for their children out loud and don't be stingy about saying love, but parents are also mortals, and they also have their own troubles, pressures and emotions, so it is not easy for children to feel the "stability" of love. How do we express our love for our children other than saying love? When the wind and waves are calm, everything may be easy to say, and when encountering difficulties, how to firmly express love? The name of the book, as if it were the answer, is that parents are always "online". This "online" may not be a moment of care in life, but the companionship of the spiritual field, and the child's ultimate sense of security comes from the warm and firm presence of the parents in the spiritual world, and this existence is established through a long time together, full of mutual trust and love.

I think the rotten eggs and mothers are lucky, their "two-way rush" has a gratifying result, perhaps many parents and children have not yet experienced this comfort, still distressed, and even some people say, I also do this parent, but why the child does not respond to me in this way - parent-child education is like this, between each pair of parents and children, are full of personality chemistry, where the mystery is, where the secret of getting along, can only continue to grope, there are few methods that can be used.

In fact, the education method of the rotten egg mother is not out of thin air, it is also groped out all the way, we can still read her thoughts and confusion in the book, but she has overcome herself to the greatest extent and used her best efforts to find the mystery of getting along with children.

That's exactly what I said at the beginning, this book is not only inspiring, but also encouraging. The inspiration is that we see more patterns in the book on how to get along with children; the encouragement is that every parent will encounter one or another problem on the road of parent-child education, and will feel lonely, and may also lose confidence and courage.

(The author of this article, He Jie, is a famous host in Shanghai)