There is a couplet in "Dream of the Red Chamber": "Everything is insightful and learned, and the cultivation of human feelings is an article." This means that it is a science to thoroughly understand all the things of the world, and to have rich experience and understanding of the world's human feelings can be turned into articles.
It can be seen that it takes a lot of thought and energy to deal with the world, and only by handling all kinds of relationships in society will the road of life become smoother and smoother.
Society is like an endless web, and everyone is one of the nodes. No one can avoid dealing with all kinds of people, especially in a humane society like China, whether you will treat people or not almost determines the future and destiny of your life.
So, how can you become a master of the world, and meet the source left and right in interpersonal communication? The old ancestor's "Five Laws of Treating People" is worth learning, let's take a look at it!
01
You don't have to go through it
In the world, the first way to treat people is: "When you know people, you don't have to explore them all, and when you try to find out, you are suspicious." This means that people should be known, but there is no need to explore everything when knowing people, otherwise it is easy to make people suspicious.
In life, some people have a cheerful and enthusiastic personality, born with the kind of "self-familiarity", especially curious about the people they have just met, after a simple greeting, they will continue to interrogate others, and there is a great way to break the casserole to ask the end.
As everyone knows, such behavior makes the other party feel embarrassed and bored. The other person will think: What is this to do? Check your hukou? It seems that we have just met, and we are not familiar with it at all, right?
Inquire about anything, and the other party will also be wary of you, thinking that you must have impure motives and want to hit yourself with some crooked ideas.
In social situations, it is normal to want to make new friends, but we must pay attention to maintaining appropriate social distancing, that is, to take good measure.
First impressions are important, you should be clear about what can be said and what cannot be said, and you should also understand what to ask and what not to ask.
For example, you can introduce yourself first, and then ask the other party's name and where is the place of origin? Where do you work? Then talk about the characteristics of each other's hometown, views on each other's industries, and close the distance between each other. Or praise the other party's clothing and temperament or something. You can also chat about mutual friends, hobbies, etc.
But don't ask the other party about sensitive and privacy-related topics such as age, income, and family, so as not to cause the other party to be disgusted and resistant.
02
You don't have to say enough to know people
In the world, the second way to treat others is: "When you know people, you don't have to say everything you say, and when you say everything, you have no friends." This means that people should be understood, but there is no need to speak out unreservedly, otherwise there will be no friends.
This is the same as the saying that "every person only says three points, but can not throw away a piece of heart", and getting along with people cannot say all the words in your heart, you must have reservations.
Some people will wonder, is it not good for people to "know everything and say everything"? I have no reservations, on behalf of me to be honest and kind- ......
But have you ever thought about a question: saying anything also means that you are a person who can't hide any secrets, and if the other party makes friends with you, will you worry that you will leak his secrets without a word?
Moreover, you yourself have shown all your hole cards in one go, it is okay to meet a decent gentleman, if you are unfortunate enough to meet a person with different intentions, wouldn't it be too easy to hurt you?
Saying that three points and seven points is actually a kind of self-protection, so as not to cause trouble, after all, society is complicated, except for your own parents you can have no reservations, and it is better to treat other people with reservations.
Although there are still many good people in the world, it is not excluded that there are bad people, just as the so-called "heart of harming people must not be there, and the heart of preventing people must not be without."
03
Blame people don't have to be harsh
In the world, the third way to treat others: "When you are responsible, you don't have to be harsh, and if you are harsh, you are far away." This means that one should rebuke one, but one need not be too harsh, or one should distance oneself from oneself.
As the saying goes: "Gold has no feet, and no one is perfect." "There are no perfect things in the world, there can be no perfect people, no one can guarantee that they are foolproof, they may make mistakes."
When we find that others have made mistakes, we can point them out at the right time, but don't bite and blindly accuse each other, which will make others very aggrieved and uneasy, and the face will not come down, and if it is too excessive, it will cause dissatisfaction and hatred of the other party.
Harshly rebuking others, on the surface, seems to show your ability, but in fact, it is invisibly making enemies for yourself everywhere, making people think that you like to be calculating and lack tolerance. Over time, you will have fewer and fewer friends around you.
Therefore, we may wish to think from another perspective, instead of severely criticizing others and hitting the self-confidence of others, it is better to calm down and help each other find problems, analyze problems, and then solve problems together. In this way, others will also be convinced, show respect for you, and even appreciate your generosity in the eyes.
Rebuke yourself with the heart of a person, and forgive yourself with a heart of forgiveness. Reflect on your own shortcomings with a harsh attitude toward others, and be considerate of others with an attitude of forgiveness, then your interpersonal relationships will become harmonious.
04
Respect does not have to be humbled
In the world, the fourth way of treating others: "When respecting people, respecting people does not have to be humbled, and lowly is less bone." This means that people should be respected, but there is no need to bow down to respect people, otherwise they will be considered to lack backbone.
In society, many people are ecstatic when they see powerful and rich people appear, and then they are flattered and flattered, thinking that they can pull up relationships and get the light.
I never thought that interpersonal relations pay attention to the principle of reciprocity and mutual benefit, and their essence is nothing more than the equal exchange of interests. If your own strength is obviously weak, those who are higher than you will not take you seriously, and at most treat you as a beam-jumping clown.
Therefore, instead of lowering three or four, wagging the tail and losing his backbone, and laboriously and unflatteringly to strengthen the circle, it is better to be confident, behave not humble, and straighten his waist.
After all, relying on people is not as good as relying on yourself, only by honing your own skills and making yourself strong, will you really win the other eyes of others.
Be a person must have a backbone, do not take others too seriously, think of yourself too lightly, otherwise you will easily lose yourself and gradually live as a transparent person or a marginal person.
To be a person, you must have backbone, which represents a person's minimum self-esteem, and it is also the bottom line of a person's life in the world. Only those who have backbone will have integrity, will not be inflammatory, know how to stand on their own feet, and live their own style. In this way, it will also gain the heartfelt respect and admiration of the people around you.
05
You don't have to back off
The fifth way to treat people in the world: "Let people not have to retreat, and retreat will be widowed." This means: you should be polite to people, but there must also be a degree of courtesy and there is no need to retreat to the end, otherwise you will have little way to go or even no way back.
Treating people with humility and courtesy is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation, but we must also look at the object on different occasions, if you encounter unreasonable people and you have been giving in, it will make the other party inch forward and hurt yourself.
In other words, civilized comity is aimed at civilized people, and for barbarians who do not abide by this rule, there is no need to back down, because blindly showing weakness will only be coerced by the other side. The best way to solve it is to keep the evidence and call the police on 110.
People living in the world, they must know how to fight for their own legitimate rights and interests, under the conditions of ensuring their own safety, do not show too weak, know that backwardness will be beaten, "people are good to be bullied, horses are good to be ridden." Those who are rebellious are always taken advantage of.
When arguing or clashing with people, appropriate concessions can ease the contradictions between the two sides and achieve the realm of "big things become small, small things become small things", but the premise is that the other party is a reasonable person.
The above is the "Five Laws of Treating People" in the old ancestor religion, have you learned them? If you have a different perspective, feel free to speak in the comments section below.
Author: Mr. Senmei
Family affairs, state affairs, world affairs, a little knowledge of one or two; worry about the glass heart, explain three or four.
People have a thousand faces, things have everything, the world under the tip of the iceberg is the real world of undercurrents, and life needs to see through the eyes of illusions.
Mr. Qianmian takes you every day to see through the illusions of life and resolve the puzzles of life.
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