What children resist is not the content of education, but the way we educate

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Education has a law, but there is no law; people-oriented is a good law. Mutual appreciation, mutual respect and mutual assistance, while helping children to improve their own educational ability and life realm.

01

Recently, the mother of a student told me about an argument at their dinner table.

Her family rented near the school because her son was in his first year of high school. The mother often went to her son's classroom to bring him food and soup, and sometimes she went to see if she had nothing to do, to find out about her son's performance at school. If you find that your son has inappropriate words and deeds, he will also remind his son on the spot. The son thinks that this will make him lose face in front of his classmates.

At the lunch table, the son said to his mother more seriously: "Don't come to my classroom in the future!" Mom was not happy: "I came to your classroom to care about you, but you didn't appreciate it, and you talked to me like this!" ”

The two sides argued on the basis of reason, the swords were fierce, one apricot eyes were round, the other was angry, and the voice was raised by a few tens of decibels. The mother is articulate and sharp-tongued, and the son is clumsy in words and angry with bulls, which seems to be difficult to end.

The father, who was a college professor, came out of the study and said to his son with a pleasant face: "Son, what is worth such a big fuss?" And with his hands touching the shoulders and the back of his head, the son has always respected his father who understands education and has pursuits, and his anger has subsided for a long time.

But the mother did not show weakness, taking advantage of her son's silence, and the ability to speak. The son could not bear such intense verbal stimulation, and his whole body was full of green muscles and bursts, and his blood surged.

Dad said to Mom, "After all, the child is a child, and he has his reason." Adults should forgive people if they are reasonable. The mother was not happy and blamed the father: "My son is so unreasonable to me, not only did you not educate him, but you also came to educate me." ”

The result was displeased. The father comforted his son, and the son went into the study with tears in his eyes.

02

Listening to her narration, I said: "I am happy for your family, after all, the child still has a father who understands education, and your son is still very motivated, and he studies with tears." She said, "That's my fault." ”

I said, "Children are at fault, but there is something wrong with the way you educate."

First, counting down the child's peers is not, which is a taboo in education;

Second, even if we adults are in charge, we must express it in an appropriate way and in a gentle language, and the point can be reached, and the child will understand our intentions. Some of the child's shortcomings, as he grows older and more experienced, he will automatically correct them.

Children in the middle school stage are most disgusted by the preaching that does not care about the occasion and does not pay attention to strategy, and what they need most is understanding, encouragement and care. ”

At the same time, I also reminded her that the mother should not be too strong in front of the child, and talk slowly and quietly, otherwise it will destroy the child's self-esteem and self-confidence, and affect the child's lifelong development, which is usually called "mother is strong and the child is weak".

The same educational content, some parents to teach, will be disgusted by children, and even fierce confrontation; and parents who understand education to teach, but like the spring wind and rain, moisturizing things silent, in a relaxed and harmonious atmosphere to let children understand things, but also enhance parent-child feelings. Other roots lie in the parents' educational philosophy.

If the specific way of education is a technique, then the concepts of people-oriented, equality for all, and humanistic feelings that permeate it are the Tao. The Tao is far more important than the art, the Tao is the value, the general direction, and the overall situation. If the general direction is wrong, no matter how good the technique is, it will also be the opposite, which will not only be useless, but also cause endless harm.

Therefore, parents should establish a correct outlook on education and talents through learning, fully tap the advantages of children, try to consider children's feelings, pay attention to the use of language and proportions, discuss with children on an equal footing with a tone of consultation, and never condescend to think of themselves as the owner of the truth.

To this end, three suggestions were made:

▌ Respect and understanding, careful care

Safeguarding the dignity of human life and spirit is the starting point and foothold of all work.

Kant's glorious thesis that "man is the end" should be posted on the desk of every teacher and parent, and it always reminds us that we must not disregard the supreme value and dignity of every human being, and we must not advance our work at the expense of harming the physical and mental health of others, otherwise even the best work performance is shameful.

Everyone wants to be respected by others, not to mention the inexperienced primary and secondary school students, who are relatively fragile in psychology and need more respect and care.

Therefore, parents should respect and understand their children in the first place, speak carefully, and strive to maintain their children's self-esteem.

▌ Positive motivation, mining advantages

American psychologist James once profoundly pointed out: "The deepest need of human nature is the desire to be appreciated and praised by others." "Therefore, everyone wants to be appreciated, and no one does not like to hear good words.

The traditional concept of Chinese is often worried that the child will its tail if it says too much advantage. As everyone knows, you expose the shortcomings in public, make the child have no skin, no self-confidence at all, how can people overcome shortcomings?

So I want to say: "The advantages are not to be said, the advantages are more than the disadvantages to run." "Self-confidence is a person's spiritual pillar, the spiritual pillar collapsed, and human development and progress cannot be talked about."

Language hurts people more than knives, knives only hurt the flesh, language hurts the heart, the wounds of the flesh will heal quickly, and the wounds of the heart are difficult to heal.

How many parent-child conflicts and teacher-student conflicts are caused by ignoring the children's advantages and paying too much attention to their shortcomings, resulting in many human tragedies! People are not alert, let alone when!

Therefore, it is more important to promote the long term than to make up for the short. There are no useless children, only self-righteous parents. There are no perfect children, only parents who blame for perfection.

▌ Implicit reminder, euphemistic help

After all, children are children and need to be guided by teachers, so while fully affirming their advantages, they must also help them correct their shortcomings. However, it should be noted that one or two suggestions for improvement are implicitly put forward, and not too much at one time.

Many parents count the number of children endlessly, the child's psychology is strong, it is difficult to withstand such a stormy and dense bombardment, in the end parents also blame the child for rebellion, it is really unreasonable!

In addition, the language is kind and gentle, speaking in a deliberative tone, the shortcomings are said as privately as possible, implicitly, narrowed, the occasion can be small and small, the advantages are said openly, slightly exaggerated.

In short, what children resist is not the content of our education, but our way of education. Education has a law, but there is no law; people-oriented is a good law.

Let us appreciate each other, respect each other, and improve our educational ability and life realm while helping our children.