In the process of educating their children, parents often use the method of "one when white face, one red face" to achieve the purpose of education. But to put it bluntly, this so-called division of labor and cooperation among parents is actually that one parent can't help but get angry when educating their children, and another parent immediately comes to break the siege when he sees the situation.
In this way, we can not only let everyone have a step down, but also achieve the purpose of education, and this situation is actually a kind of use of the third party effect.
At the weekend, Hanghang's favorite anime "Douqi Continent" was updated, and in order to catch up with the drama, Hanghang did not finish writing homework and watching TV first, but put his homework aside and prepared to finish watching TV and then write homework.
Just when Hanghang was immersed in tv, Hanghang's father asked Hanghang if he had finished his homework, and Hanghang could only say that he had not finished his homework.
You know, before Dad and Hanghang have reached an agreement, Hanghang to do homework every day and then entertain, then Dad let Hanghang freely arrange entertainment time, because after doing his own work, the child should go to play happily.
However, the voyage that he had sworn to when he made an agreement with his father soon broke the agreement, which made his father very angry, so he reprimanded the voyage and prepared to give the voyage a large punishment, such as completely depriving the airline of the right to watch TV.
And after hearing the content of his father's punishment, Hanghang was also very entangled and regretted. At this time, the mother on the side saw that Hanghang's father may be too excited, so the education method made was a bit too extreme, so she immediately interjected to let Hanghang quickly write homework, and said that as long as he knew that he was wrong, he would change it, and this time his father would not pursue it.
Hanghang heard his mother's words, and immediately went back to the house to write homework, and the father also felt that the punishment he had just had was a bit heavy, if it was really implemented, it was actually not very good for the child, fortunately, the mother broke the siege in time, both to maintain his own majesty, but also to make up for the improper practices that he had just impulsively angry, and also let the child get an education.
Speaking of this, some parents may ask, their children are also the same as Hanghang, often disobedient, why is this?
Children are disobedient, parents "hard and hard" does not work, and figuring out the reason is the focus
"New Curriculum (Middle)" mentions that many parents and teachers feel very headaches about how to educate today's children, because today's children are no longer as obedient as they were in the past.
So why do children disobey?
The child's subjective consciousness gradually increases
When the child is very young, although the subjective consciousness has been established, it is not strong, and most of the time, the child is mainly in line with the parents' thinking, words and deeds. However, as the child grows older and older, the child's subjective consciousness is gradually enhanced, and the child gradually feels that he should have dominance, that he should have complete control over his words and deeds, that he should be free, that he should not be "limited" by his parents, and so on, thus producing different degrees of rebellious psychology.
Parents lack a certain amount of respect for their children
The child's rebellious behavior is actually a kind of disrespect for parents to a certain extent, disrespect for parents' education, disrespect for parents' words and deeds, and disrespect for parents' efforts. And these disrespectful behaviors of parents are actually what parents show to their children.
But we found that when a child is rebellious, his parents may most likely often disrespect the child, for example, when a problem is placed in front of the parent and the child, the parents and the child have different opinions, then the parents completely deny the child's opinion, and do not listen to the child's explanation.
For example, some parents like to peek at their children's diaries, and after being discovered by their children, they shamelessly say that they are parents, and that children have no privacy rights in front of them.
There is also a very important and common phenomenon, that is, when parents take their children out, they often say that their children are "a child" in front of others, which in fact invisibly creates an impression of disrespect to children.
Parents should treat their children as equally as possible in normal times, such as when doing housework, let the children do it together, because housework is the responsibility of each family member, even if it feels that there is no need not to let the child do it, you can not let the child rest on the grounds of "just a child".
Of course, when enjoying some rights, we must also treat children equally, such as the New Year's money, is the child's child, parents are best not to confiscate or escrow, even if it is escrow also need to obtain the consent of the child, this is the respect for the child.
Once parents do not respect their children, then children cannot learn how to respect people, and rebellious behavior will naturally occur. Because children don't know they need to respect their parents.
Some of the words and deeds of parents are found wrong by the child
In the child's mind, parents have always been their own goals, children feel that parents are omnipotent, children feel that parents are the most correct and just, parents in the child's heart is simply sacrosanct.
However, when the accidental situation, the child finds that there will be mistakes in the parents, the parents are not completely correct, and even sometimes the parents' approach is not as good as their own.
This will make the credibility of parents quickly decrease, children not only question the wrong behavior of parents, and even some correct behaviors will begin to question, resulting in a habitual rebellion, that is, no matter what parents say or do, children are accustomed to first denying and then verifying, which is a rebellious behavior in the eyes of parents.
What are the consequences of a child's disobedience on their own growth?
"Healthy World" said: Children's disobedience is not all willful, and some are "crisis" behaviors.
However, this "crisis" behavior of children is likely to really bring crisis to their own growth.
◆ Lose the best opportunity to be taught
Childhood is the best period for children to be taught, the child's learning ability is the strongest, the learning efficiency is the highest, so all education is basically concentrated in the child's childhood, such as children's cultural education, enlightenment education, family education and so on.
At this stage, if the child can receive the education of the educator with a good attitude, then the child will get the greatest benefit, so that the child becomes a near-perfect child.
However, if the child is completely in a rebellious state at this stage and is not willing to accept the education of others, then the child will not absorb the knowledge and experience given by the educator, and the child's growth efficiency will be greatly reduced, and the age will be longer, but the knowledge, insight, thinking, etc., have not grown with it, and after growing up, the child can only become a "giant baby".
◆ It is easy to form wrong concepts and cognitions
Children's concepts and cognition when they are young are in a blank stage, and children need to slowly absorb correct concept information and cognitive elements from the educator's education, but if the child is rebellious and untaught, then the child will deny the educator's concept and cognition, and thus refuse to absorb the knowledge content given by the educator.
Since children do not have a correct view of right and wrong at a young age, in the case of concept building under the supervision of the educator, the child may rely on his own subjective thinking to establish his own concept and cognition of things. But it is obvious that subjective cognition and conception must be incorrect, because this is not a subjective world, but an objective world, and it is impossible to obtain correct concepts and cognition by one's own imagination alone.
◆ Personality will produce defects
Children with a heavy rebellious heart will have more negative factors in the process of life and learning, because these children's minds are full of "rejection".
When often immersed in negative emotions, psychology and thinking, the child's personality will produce a large deviation, so that it is impossible to establish a sound personality, resulting in personality defects.
How can parents use the "third party effect" to enhance parent-child relationships?
"Early Childhood Education" proposes: People exist in relationships, and the environment in which individuals live is composed of various direct or indirect relationships.
Therefore, parents should know how to use the "third party effect" to enhance the parent-child relationship and strengthen the effect of tutoring.
What the third party needs to do is to alleviate the contradiction rather than aggravate the contradiction
When a parent is educating his child, whether the child is disobedient or uneducated, or the parent education is overheated, the emergence of a third party must be aimed at alleviating the contradiction, rather than exacerbating the contradiction. For example, the father promised to play with the baby on the weekend, but the baby just couldn't go on the weekend, and the baby was very angry when he explained to the baby.
At this time, the mother can come out to play the round field to say that "the baby knows that the father is busy at work, but the next is not an example, this week does not go next week must go", so that both for the father to break the siege, but also let the baby get comfort.
Note that when encountering this situation, some third-party parents will say to the baby, "Why are you so disobedient, don't you know that Dad is busy at work?" Or say to the father, "Promise the child can't do it, what else can you do?" "Don't do it, it's a model of having nothing to do."
When the third party inserts, pay attention to the timing
When parents take advantage of the third-party effect, they also need to pay attention to the timing of insertion, do not intervene at the beginning, and do not wait for half a day to intervene, but find a suitable entry point.
For example, if the father and the child discuss and discuss it badly, then the mother can appear at this time. If the father and the child first discuss the mother's appearance, it may create a 2:1 situation, rather than third party interference.
epilogue
When parents educate their children, they should cooperate well and make good use of the third-party effect to make the efficiency of tutoring become higher, so that children can get healthy growth.
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