How to look at the differences in children's behavior

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There are two kinds of children in the world, one is someone else's child, representing a child who meets social rules and excellent standards; the other is a child of one's own family, with all kinds of shortcomings, all kinds of dislikes, and all kinds of behaviors that need to be corrected. Even if their child is already very good, mothers will still find that he has a place to improve, and when he returns home, he will have a transformation plan.

Why is that?

Most parents see themselves as having a duty to help their children grow up minimizing their shortcomings and meeting social standards as much as possible. Every parent will use a magnifying glass to observe the advantages of other people's children, observe the shortcomings of their own children, and take advantage of the fact that the children are still within their own management to correct as much as possible, lest they miss the correct time to correct. Fear of being too late, fearing that the child has shortcomings, and fearing that the child will be delayed by their own incomplete information is the main source of anxiety for parents.

The virtues of a "troublemaker"

There are some children, we may wish to call him "troublemaker": they often challenge the patience of the teacher in school, neither can sit upright for a long time, but also often wander or pull the next classmates to whisper, take a stubble, or express dissatisfaction with the planning in group activities; when learning at home, they will challenge the patience of parents, listen to music when writing homework, have to change places when endorsing books for a while, twist their bodies when reading, and do math problems for one minute. The next minute I talked to you about a game, and I was willing to endorse it quietly, but in less than 10 minutes, I started jumping up and down again; when you lamented that he could finally start to take the exam seriously, I received a message that he had bumped into the teacher at school... They are sometimes described in terms such as "whimsical", "whimsical", "out of place", "out of place", "out of line", "outlier", etc. If you happen to catch such a child, can you see his merits in it?

The traits that you see as trouble or make you anxious are precisely the embodiment of their vitality, the source of unlimited potential and creativity. They respond to your roar with avoidance or "hippie smiles", and it is precisely in their own way that they remind you that there is a lot of beauty in the world, to learn to enjoy the good, and to use happiness to solve all problems and dilemmas. This type of child is characterized by curiosity all the time, an optimistic and positive attitude towards life, they look forward to experiencing all the good things, they are bold, active and joyful in pursuing what they need, they are almost all-rounders, learning everything quickly. The gifts that come with such traits can support them to think strategically, to use their ingenuity and ingenuity to win success, power and wealth, to boldly and quickly integrate internal and external resources to achieve their goals, and they are often pioneers of reform and innovation in the enterprise or entrepreneurs and practitioners in the field of innovation. There's a book called Deviant, and the author (Adam Grant) is one of those people himself, and he interviews and documents many "troublemakers," especially how they are changing the world in ways that don't play cards out of the ordinary, and he supports these companies as organizational strategic advisers to Google, IBM, and Merck Group, supporting these companies to use the characteristics and advantages of these people to stay at the forefront of innovative enterprises.

The potential of the "pestle nesters"

There are other children, who are often referred to by their parents as "pestle nests" and are even suspected of autism or autism at a very young age. In daily life, he is often very unobtrusive, he may behave very indifferently, especially in the face of strangers can ignore it, can not talk without talking, for your interaction, he is more like a bystander, do not refute or sharp mouth, feel that the parents are not as dependent as other children; he may avoid sports and intense physical activity, seemingly completely absent from participation; he may prefer to stay at home rather than go to school; they are often introverted and shy, not good at expressing, do not like to take the initiative to make friends with others Taking him out often makes you feel humiliated, because he is reluctant to greet others and cannot make the people around him admire him; in school, he may not show enthusiasm for the regular courses he learns, and it is not easy to mingle with his classmates... If your child is like this, will you be anxious about his overly quiet and indifferent relationships?

Do you know what these kids do to save the average person the energy and time they have to spend on talking and making friends? They are exploring, deconstructing, and reconstructing the body of knowledge in their area of interest. When you think he's shy, he may be actively absorbing information and processing it into his own system; when you think they're cold and lacking emotions in a daze, he may have sorted out, analyzed, and categorized the objective facts behind the emotions; they've built an absolutely private, unshaped space in a quiet and isolated way that is where their astonishing insight and understanding come from.

They want to understand how the world works, whether it's the macroscopic or the microscopic, whether it's the real world or the spiritual world, whether it's the real world or the inner world they imagine. They are always exploring, asking questions and digging deeper into their areas or things of interest, and they will not easily accept accepted accepted views and conclusions, they will test their authenticity in their own way and complete their own cognitive system. Such traits give them the gift of highly developed analytical skills and observation, first-class concentration and intelligence, supporting them to become academic researchers and communicators, supporting them to subvert the accepted way of cognition and practice, and promoting the development of a certain field and even the whole of humanity, such as Darwin, Einstein, Nietzsche, Hawking; also supporting them to become masters of poker, computer games, intellectual games, and various board games.

The well-known Elon Musk's childhood personality can be summed up in the following keywords: introverted and sensitive, even a little cowardly, afraid of loneliness, like to read comics, science fiction, obsessed with games, not fond of sports, he is always in a daze, when you talk to him, he often does not respond, his eyes are sluggish looking into the distance.

Carefully distinguish between the real disadvantages and those that are merely characteristics

Everyone is different from birth, has their own unique behavior and personality characteristics, it may be the same as the parents or familiar people around them have the same characteristics, or it may be completely different. It is important to be careful to distinguish between what are the real shortcomings and which are just the characteristics. At the same time, according to its characteristics, only by formulating a plan to make full use of its strong points and make up for its weaknesses can it be targeted.

For example, for troublemakers, a schedule can be created, rotated to do different activities, to meet their need for diversity and novelty, while supporting them to persevere in what they have learned and done; allowing them to write homework while listening to songs, allowing them to rest in their own way after studying for a period of time Provide ways to help them learn to be quiet (breathing exercises or meditation exercises will help them improve their concentration) rather than constantly asking them to play the role of pistachios at parties (and they don't need to stop them when they do it spontaneously).

For the "pestle nest", the limitations brought to them by such traits are mainly manifested in interpersonal relationships and physical fitness, under the premise of accepting their solitude and learning style, leading them to complete some physical training, rather than expecting them to completely change the habit of not loving sports; their interpersonal relationships are formed by attracting others with high knowledge and new ideas, and their social circles are often composed of people with the same interests, the same common sense, and the same IQ. Therefore, as parents, when they have their own complete thinking, they can allow or guide them to present and express their unique and innovative ideas in a small gathering, and gradually form their own social circle.

In short, everyone and every child has different natural traits, which we call "personality structures." Each personality structure has its light and shadow part, and the part that makes parents anxious or dissatisfied may be the part of the child's talent, and we cannot erase the child's talent because we "don't know", or postpone the child's opportunity to make up for shortcomings and improve. Fully understanding the child's natural characteristics and the advantages and disadvantages brought by these traits is very necessary for you to take targeted cultivation methods, and at the same time can help them establish correct self-awareness in the early stages of growth, face growth with talent without concern, and when talent blooms, the momentum generated is enough to support them to have the strength to think positively about their limitations, have the strength to face the challenges of life, and learn and grow from it.

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