"I am convinced that my brother's diagnosis humbled me, made me no longer proud of my intellect and academic qualifications, and began to resolve to live a life I had not imagined."
Before the topic solicitation initiated by Rice and Xiaomi to get married, whether to tell each other that their family suffers from self..., a message from the brother of an autistic child caught our attention.
The 21-year-old just sent from Peking University to another university in China this year to pursue a doctorate.
His younger brother, who is 14 years away from him, was diagnosed with autism in Nanjing two years ago.
This fact has changed from the heart a "proud son" who has always been proud of his intelligence and academic qualifications.
Today, we interviewed this brother, talked about the past, talked about the future, and the younger brother or autism is already a part of his life.
Me and my autistic brother
Oral | Luzon (pseudonym)
He has a 7-year-old autistic brother
Since my brother was diagnosed, my parents have had very few hearts on me.
Conversely, too, caring for my parents is deliberate, and my emotions have instinctively tilted toward my brother.
Near the end of the semester, when the last exam was over, I went home, and the 50 days of winter vacation were planned to be left to my brother.
Stay with my brother, this is also my first reaction after learning that my brother was diagnosed.
At that time, my brother was more than 4 years old, nominally in a kindergarten class for a year, but in fact most of the time he took home, everyone thought the child was too naughty.
The small class was almost finished, and the teacher suggested that my parents take my brother to the hospital to see, which led to my brother's final diagnosis in Nanjing Brain Hospital - mild childhood autism.
At that time, I was at the end of my sophomore year, and I was thinking of coming home quickly to see my brother in the summer.
Brother who has been looking forward to it for many years
I always looked forward to having a sibling, and since junior high school, I have left home to go to school in the next city, sometimes for two weeks, sometimes once a month, and I can feel the loneliness of my parents.
In my second year of junior high school, my parents began to prepare for the birth of a second child, and I waited until the first semester of high school, and finally waited for my brother.
I was very impressed, when my brother was born, it was Sunday, my father came to see me at school, and we both saw my brother for the first time in the photo.
A month later, I went home on vacation, not in a hurry, the elevator was broken, my home was on the 12th floor, anxious to see my brother's I could wait, I had to climb up.
My brother grew up to more than 1 year old, and in order to accompany me to prepare for the college entrance examination, my mother and grandmother brought him to my side and lived with me day and night. At that time, when I was in class at noon, I had not eaten, and I was often pulled by my brother to watch TV or play with toys with him.
Seeing that I couldn't rest at noon, my mother simply fed my brother and put me to sleep before I came back.
As everyone knows, for me, I am studying 16 hours a day, and going home to hold my brother is my biggest relaxation, looking at him, the exhaustion is swept away.
The younger brother spoke late, but the older brother did not call late, about 2 years old, the mother has not yet shouted, the father is not very good, will call the brother.
On the basis of blood, we have an unbreakable emotional connection. As long as I was at home, I was glued to my brother most of the morning until I went to sleep.
Hold your brother's hand
"Fridge family"
Even after going to college, my understanding of the field of autism was still blank, and when my brother was diagnosed, I attributed the reason to my family.
I think it was some arguments in the family that prevented my brother from growing up in a good atmosphere, and I thought that some of my mother's parenting styles were too rough, for example, my brother didn't sleep before, he kept crying, and his mother beat him.
It wasn't until later, when I read a lot of autism expertise, that I was very wrong, not that the family's parenting caused my brother's obstacles, but that my brother's obstacles affected my mother.
I am still very sorry and regret that I did not take good care of my mother and brother, and even in the first six months of my brother's diagnosis, I did not give my parents the spiritual support they deserved.
For half a year, my parents had been worried about my brother's intervention, and finally found a private hospital, according to what I later saw, this hospital 1/3 teaches cognitive language, 1/3 uses drugs, and 1/3 is Chinese medicine acupuncture.
The first time I saw my brother with needles on his head in this hospital, I was heartbroken and angry, and I questioned in my heart, "Is this method reliable?" ”
Looking back, my parents must have been more upset than I was at that time, and they were the ones who accompanied my brother the longest, paid the most, and directly endured these things. Now, I have understood that my parents' dedication, acceptance and love for my brother are the most important reasons for my brother's situation to improve, and as a son, I can't help but admire.
My brother's acceptance of acupuncture also became the beginning of my real learning about autism and intervening in my brother's intervention.
After studying, I found that my brother's autistic traits were early on, stereotypical arrangement, language only repeats, can not distinguish between you and me, picky eating, sleep disorders, except for me and my parents, and no interaction with everyone, when there is emotion, they will nod their heads...
I was so scared that even I couldn't communicate with him
The 2020 epidemic is an opportunity for me, I have 8 months to stay at home, I can have enough time for my parents to think about my brother's intervention, but also to observe my brother's ability to observe the situation closely and for a long time.
When I got home, I bought my favorite puzzles and blocks as a child and took my brother to fight them. At this time, I realized that it was not a simple task to ask my brother to hand over parts, because this had to know the quantity.
But later, after I demonstrated it over and over again, my brother would follow me and listen to my instructions. A month later, he was able to see the picture by himself, complete the 30-piece puzzle by himself, and after the puzzle, he was also very happy!
This gave me a slight sigh of relief, and my biggest horror was that even I couldn't communicate with him.
But at that time, I didn't realize the importance of generalization, and my brother is now with his peers, playing his own game.
My younger brother is 7 years old and has just started the first grade of elementary school.
Going to school was not easy for him, and after the double-reduction policy, there was less homework, but he had to go to the agency every night to intervene for another hour.
My parents told me that my brother was sitting alone in the class, that he and I were in the same elementary school, and that in my memory, only naughty children would be placed in the first row of the classroom alone, subject to special "care".
In addition, in a class photo taken by the teacher, the younger brother took off his shoes.
Classroom norms, sit these abilities, before the younger brother went to school, his father gave him special training, and after the younger brother enrolled, although there were small problems, it was quite smooth.
This year is the year of my brother's greatest progress, and it is also the most energetic year I have seen my parents since he was diagnosed.
At the beginning of the year, my brother's understanding ability has been greatly improved, and you and I, who have been teaching for a long time, have finally distinguished, will listen to the instructions, and every time I go home, my mother happily said to me, "Two or three months ago, your brother was not like this..."
My parents' enthusiasm for intervention has also been greatly enhanced, although I have always emphasized socialization and communication with them, but they seem to be more concerned about their brother's studies, and teach math every day.
Maybe it's this feeling of being able to teach makes them very excited, or maybe it's reminiscent of me, who loved math since I was a child, and when I was as old as my brother, I couldn't eat without a full score in math.
After returning home from winter vacation, I was bound to change this situation, and I was ready to take out the university to learn softball and baseball skills, invite my brother's classmates, design a fusion course, and help my brother practice social skills.
Take your brother to the mall
A person who does not accept autism
Definitely won't like me
Some time ago, after talking for many years, my girlfriend broke up with me, and after that, I gradually thought about the impact of my brother on my life and future life.
Before my brother was diagnosed, I was a college student at one of the top universities in the country, and I was proud of my intelligence, academic qualifications, and happiness, and I had a smooth life and could do what I liked wholeheartedly.
But my dearest brother encountered 1% of human ASDs and faced obstacles that I could not personally perceive.
In China, there are millions of children like my brother, when I walked into them as a volunteer and learned about the situation of older children through documentaries and articles, I became humble, no longer proud of my intellectual qualifications, and began to rethink the meaning of life.
The selfless and unrepentant love of autistic parents for their children and the mutual help between parents are even more inspiring to me and make me determined to pursue a more meaningful and valuable life.
Before my girlfriend broke up, she asked me, "You won't have to raise your brother in the future, you'll have to give him living expenses..."
I didn't pay much attention to this sentence at the time (which is not the main reason for the breakup), and I knew that my parents would be the ones who were mainly responsible.
But what about me?
Later, I figured it out, and I was sure that I would bear considerable responsibility for my brother, which was not the pressure of my parents and society, but the inseparable emotional bond between me and my brother.
What kind of people will I look for in the future? Can she accept my family? Will the autism gene continue?
I have worried, I have thought, but I now think that not letting the imaginary future torment us now is unfair to me and to my brother, after all, I am only 21 years old.
To be sure, I'll be honest about my future partner, and of course I can't imagine a guy who doesn't like autism very much would like me, because it's already affecting my perceptions and ideas, and in a sense a part of me.
I'm also looking forward to finding someone who will be with me forever, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to let the people I love share with me.
If one day, I have a child of my own, I will choose to love him, whether he is healthy or not, whether he is strong or weak, whether he is wise or stupid, just as a human being and love him.
In the past two days, I have just learned that my brother has the idea of asking for a gift, and I think that he is the best gift that Heaven has given me in my life.
—END—
Writing | Chuntao Editor| Dangdang Editor-in-Chief | Qin Yu