Author/Pond Fish
Image/source network, intrusion and deletion
I once heard a sister say such a thing.
She said: "The last thing that beat our 17-year marriage was 5 dirty underwear that had not been washed for 7 days. "It sounds very small, and people who may not understand the cause and effect will feel ridiculous. But in fact, in the sister's place, this incident was only the last straw that crushed their marriage. That is, before that, there were already countless "straws" pressing on their marriages.
They were married at the age of 23, and in their 17-year marriage, they have always been noisy, large and small. And her mentality has gradually changed a lot in these years. At that time, she and her husband were married, they were married from afar, naturally for love.
Speaking of the reason for this compromise, she is still full of regrets: "When he chased me, he could act diligently and speak well, but he was blindsided at the time, and I thought he would be like this for the rest of his life." ”
In fact, not to mention a lifetime, after marriage, their lives have basically undergone tremendous changes, and her husband's hidden personality in front of her in the past has all been shown.
The reasons why they were good to her before marriage were also completely exposed. If his husband hadn't chased him like this and hadn't deliberately concealed it, she would have known that he was like this, and she would definitely not have agreed to be with him, let alone risk going so far.
Her husband is extremely macho and has a more violent personality, he has a reason to absolutely win, and there is no reason to use his temper to hide his weakness. They often quarrel over various things. The reason for the final quarrel was that she found a new job, because she was not familiar with it and was busy, and she did not wash her clothes for 7 days. Her husband had no clothes to wear, angry with her, said once she did not wash in time, and then her husband directly threw 5 unwashed panties into the living room, and also splashed a basin of water.
She was going crazy.
Because in the previous marriage of so many years, she consciously washed her clothes, and then folded them and put them in the closet, her husband only needed to go and get them. He was used to it, and when she didn't, her husband became particularly angry because her husband thought that was what she was supposed to do.
When it comes to the so-called "things women should do" in marriage, when she says a little more, she always likes to cry. Because over the years, there have been too many things that have wronged her because of this.
When the family goes out to eat, she is always the only one who takes care of the child, pays attention to the child's movements, and beckons the child not to run around. Once her father-in-law ate and held the child, and her husband also had a big fight with her, thinking that this was something she did and should not be pushed to his parents.
Her husband believes that men are losing face by doing these things that should be done by women, especially in front of outsiders, and he thinks that suppressing his wife can show his ability and prove that he is very powerful. Even in front of her mother's family, she did such a thing.
In fact, when there were only two people, she said that many times he still knew how to make himself a little, but there were outsiders in front of him, no matter what the reason was, who was justified, he absolutely wanted to win, and if he didn't win, he would have to argue with her.
Maybe from the side of an outsider, sometimes when listening to others tell something, I always feel confused: if it is like this, why can they still spend so much time together?
She also said why.
She said: "He's like a neurotic, in fact, he doesn't go crazy, and when he gets better, he's still pretty good to me." It was precisely because of these occasional goodnesses that they became sugar in marriage and became reasons for her to comfort herself when she was suffering. Coupled with the existence of children, it can become the most powerful shackle that binds a mother. Seriously, if they hadn't had children, even though her husband was sometimes nice to her, she said she would probably have left long ago.
Communication, in their marriage, is basically non-existent.
It may be that many people take it for granted that as long as two people communicate well, most problems can be solved. But communication, in fact, is not so simple. Because the premise of communication is that the thoughts and principles of two people must be basically on the same level, at this time, what you say, the other party can understand, there will be reflection.
Otherwise, no matter how much you say, you will be just a waste of saliva and playing the piano to the cow.
It's not that she can't communicate, she's tried to do this many times, and it's good to talk to her husband that she hopes he can change a little bit for the family. When they had a good relationship, she said this, and her husband promised with a full mouth, saying that he understood that she had worked hard all these years and would definitely treat her well in the future.
Just saying it is finished, and just saying it does not mean that it can be done.
Yes, a person's temperament and disposition, as well as thoughts, are formed over time in the process of continuous growth, and it is basically impossible to change in the day after tomorrow. Especially in terms of personality, there is such a sentence, the country is easy to change and difficult to move. The ancients had long seen through everything.
When the relationship is not good, as long as she talks about this, no matter what kind of attitude and tone she uses, the two people are absolutely quarrelsome. At this time, in her husband's view, she is pure talk, talking endlessly all day, not making people clean.
But from her point of view, she also feels that she is wronged, if she can, she does not want to blindly talk about these topics, she also said annoyed, feel how she has become a mother-in-law now.
But the reason why she said it was only because her husband never did it, did not think about it for her, and did not run the marriage of two people well. She wanted to live a good life, but the days kept going in a bad direction.
In the marriage relationship, there are small things everywhere, but there are actually no small things in marriage, because any small things, once piled up, may become big things.
When you put up with it again and again, you don't want to put up with it anymore.
So, she decided to leave, anyway, the child is now at a sensible age and can understand the choices she has made. Because her children once said, "I grew up in an unhealthy family." ”
When everyone enters marriage, they all have good wishes, and there are many expectations about the future, but countless people, in the end, are still in life, and gradually lose their original intentions by reality.
Because really not everyone has enough sense of awe for marriage, not everyone can think differently, understand and tolerate in marriage. A perfect marriage requires the joint efforts of two people. If one party drops the chain, then the other person, no matter how good and capable, basically cannot save the relationship, but will lead themselves into another abyss.
It's important to be yourself in marriage, but it's even more important to find someone who can share the same frequency as yourself. You have to understand that.
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