How did the child become unconfident?
Tell you a psychological experiment and we'll see that. Because many parents are full of kindness, they are likely to make their children less and less confident.
In 1967, the American psychologist Seligman conducted an experiment with dogs, he divided the puppies into two groups, one group into a cage, this cage is so strong that the puppies can not escape.
He also installed an electric shock device in the cage, the intensity of which would make the puppy very painful, but the body would not actually be injured.
As you can imagine, the puppy that was put in the cage was shocked by an electric shock, because it hurt too much, and it must have jumped up and down hard to escape.
But as the experiment progressed, Seligman found that things were not as he thought.
At first, these puppies were really struggling desperately, jumping up and down, trying to get out of this cage. But after repeated efforts by the puppy, it was found to be useless, it could not run away at all, and the puppy did not struggle much! As soon as the electric shock, the puppy lay on the ground and trembled all over, and then endured the pain and stopped trying to break free.
In the second step of the experiment, Seligman put the puppies in another cage. On all four sides of this cage, one side is actually very short, and the puppy can easily jump over and run away.
Then he gave the puppies an electric shock, but the puppies were still like that, and as soon as they were shocked, they fell to the ground, trembling all over their bodies and suffering from the electric shock, and none of them tried to escape.
You see, in such an environment that is so easy to escape, they don't even try it. And put the dogs who have not entered the first cage directly into the second cage, and as soon as there is an electric shock, they all escape.
In the end, a conclusion was reached: after repeated blows, the puppies all suffered from learned helplessness.
That is, through their efforts, they find that their power is insignificant and unbelievable. Because the outcome will not change in any way, it is impossible to bear the consequences.
In 1975, Seligman used people to do this "learned helplessness" experiment again. Only this time it was not an electric shock, but an experiment done with noise.
In the end, through experiments, these students no longer believed in their own efforts and came to the same conclusion:
"No amount of effort is useful, and the result will not change."
Many children are experiencing "learned helplessness"!
Children rub a word two or three times, and they are on fire;
Children do not react to the problem several times, they are angry;
As soon as the child stops writing homework and is in a daze, they feel irritable that the child is deliberately wasting time.
......
But, from a child's point of view, he learns every day about topics and content that he has never been exposed to before.
He went from "can't write" to "can write", from "won't do" to "can do", in fact, he has been improving.
In fact, these progress is the result of his efforts, but Mom and Dad feel taken for granted. However, he made a mistake, and Mom and Dad were impatient.
In the end, the child will find that effort is actually useless! No matter what, you will be unhappy and will be angry.
Therefore, he is less and less interested in everything, does not want to try anything, and is unwilling to bear it.
Because after trying and trying, the result waiting for him will be the same, that is, "Mom and Dad are still not satisfied with themselves in the end." In such a situation, the child is deeply planted into his heart because of his learned helplessness.
Therefore, we must be patient, give the child a chance, let the child exercise, even if they do wrong, they do not complain about the child, because they know that this shows that the child is not capable enough.
When the child does the right thing, he celebrates with the child, and as a result, in this state, the child becomes more and more confident.
Because the child deeply feels from the practice of parents and mothers:
"All the effort is useful!"
He became more and more responsible, more and more motivated.
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