Author/Pond Fish
I have a friend whose previous relationship, my first love, lost miserably.
At first, she herself couldn't understand it, because objectively speaking, in terms of family, height, looks, education, work, etc., her comprehensive conditions were much better than boys. The only strength of the boys is that the job is not bad, but the original family is really bad. At first, she chose to be with him because she saw his steadfastness and maturity, but also more diligent, she thought that marrying such a person, will be happier in the future.
When they were just together, it was always the boys who took the initiative, and always praised her for being good-looking, saying that they were a bit unworthy of her. Gradually, she fell into it, fell in love, and began to care about something.
She will be secretly angry because the boy is busy with work and often ignores himself, and she will also think wildly because he does not reply to his messages in time.
At the same time, she cares more about him, sees him working hard, sometimes forgets to eat, often orders him takeaway on the Internet, sees what he lacks, buys various things to send him over, because it is half a long-distance relationship, seeing that the boy is busy at work, she always goes to find her by herself, and never asks the boy to come to her.
Then I said, "Why don't you let him come to you once?" ”
She replied: "He was already busy at work, and I didn't want him to run back and forth, it was very hard." I work easier and freer, it's okay, I used to look for him the same way. ”
I admired her at that time, she was held in the palm of her hand by her parents since she was a child, rarely went out, and was very stupid, she actually dared to go to a strange city alone to find him, sometimes to the place to understand his hardships, did not want him to come to pick himself up after the night shift, and then took a taxi to the place where he lived.
In my imagination, according to normal development, the love between the two of them should be relatively smooth, and they have always been kind and loving, who knows if it is. My friend was crying every three to five minutes, she always felt that the boy didn't care so much about himself, she forgot her birthday, the first Valentine's Day didn't have any expression, even replied to her message, the person who could talk with her until late at night, and then often didn't reply to the message directly for a day or two.
She wanted to get his attention and attention, so she proposed to break up, the boy was a little flustered at first, tried to keep it, and showed that he loved her more during that time, but soon returned to the way he was before.
Then later, she said to break up, the boy did not answer at all, did not say anything, guessed that her temper should be eliminated every two days, and continued to talk to her like a person who had nothing to do. But she really didn't argue, forgave him again and again, and let herself fall deeper again and again.
She was always crying, and he continued to be indifferent.
She didn't understand it until the time she finally broke up, she said: "When I met him, I was a very smiling person, but now it has become like this, negative, negative, maybe we are really inappropriate." 」 I don't know what was wrong with me, or why he didn't cherish me at all. ”
She even began to doubt herself, thinking that she was not worthy of being loved.
Actually, I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with her, she has always been a very good girl and a good girlfriend. However, she ignored one thing: the love itself is not about comparing hearts to hearts, but a game. This kind of game is a way for you to adjust your behavior in this relationship, after measuring the giving and receiving to a certain extent.
When you are giving, do not blindly move yourself, thinking that the other party thinks the same as you, and will definitely be good to you, this is your assumption, but also a kind of assumption of love concept.
In love, the most important thing is that you pay at the same time, but also continue to guide each other to pay for you, the more your pay is evenly matched, the value of each other in each other's hearts, it can be basically equal.
The more you give, the more important the other person's position in your heart becomes.
Otherwise, no matter how good you are, your value will be greatly reduced.
This truth is also similar to raising flowers, if there are two pots of flowers in front of you, one pot is the flower that you water, prune, visit, and pay a lot of hard work, and the other pot you don't have to care at all, you can grow lush, at this time which pot of flowers is more important in your heart, the result is self-evident.
As a girl, when you act too much in love with a guy, you basically kill the other person's chances of loving you.
At this time, he will become passively enjoyable, pay less, the cost is less, naturally, feel a little unpleasant and want to withdraw, he will no longer think about continuing to invest costs, after all, your performance has told him: really unnecessary.
This is not to say that he is scum, but human nature is so, the favor is easy to have no fear, when a girl faces a boy who especially loves her, it is also easy to appear such a phenomenon.
I have a college roommate, she once liked a boy, but then because the boy is too obedient to her, too good, completely without his own opinion and temper, eager to put "I love you" 3 words directly engraved on the brain door, all kinds of behavior, but let her heart of the original like greatly discounted.
At that time, when she found out about this, she herself was also helpless, she could not control her heart, that is, she felt that she did not like him so much, obviously she liked boys first, but then became like this.
Later, of course, they did not come to the end.
Therefore, no matter how much you love someone, please remember that you must properly hide your sense of need and emotional dependence, do not let the other party see this too much, do not foolishly blindly emphasize your love, thinking that this can make him love you more, he will only subconsciously despise you.
It is very normal for something that is easily obtained not to be cherished, even if the value of the thing itself is relatively high, in the eyes of the person who gets it, its inner value is mostly determined according to the degree of his own effort.
I hope you understand this truth, whether it is a boy or a girl, in the process of chasing a relationship, never lose yourself, do not love to lose its measure.
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