Wen 丨 Forest Mommy
There are all kinds of children in the world, it is impossible for every child to have a high IQ, it is impossible for every child to be very smart. However, in the critical stage of a child's growth, being smart and learning well is almost the only evaluation criterion. Recently, I saw an interview with the actor Song Dandan,000 and was deeply touched.
Song Dandan's son Batuu once participated in the variety show "Longing for Life" with his mother, and the way they went, the way mother and son got along also caused many netizens to discuss.
In the program, Song Dandan has been counting down his son, belittling his son, and singing his son.
"If you can cook these two eggs, I'll barely keep you." If the chicken coop can be set up, I really am not a. "When I was a kid, I didn't have a parent-teacher conference with a smile." "I gave birth to a waste."
Although these words have a bit of a joke of friends, the person who speaks like this is his mother after all, or in front of the camera, Batuu can only respond with a bitter smile.
Batuu did not like to read as a child, and was a child with a little ADHD, his nerves were overactive, and he could not concentrate, so his grades were not very good.
A child's poor grades are "original sin", which shows that he is not a good child.
A child with bad grades, people around him, mom, dad, family and friends, all hope that he can work harder, have a little success, and fight for his parents, but Batuu can't do it, as if he doesn't care about his bad grades. So his parents are serious, he is not self-motivated, he does not work hard, and he does not listen to his parents.
Batuu is the son of Song Dandan and her first husband Yingda, and after the two divorced, her ex-husband did not manage Batuu, and Song Dandan also scolded her ex-husband on Weibo. And after Batuu was regarded as a famous person since childhood, his grandfather was the vice minister of culture, his grandfather was the secretary of the Beijing Federation of Literary and Art Circles, his mother was a famous actor, and his father was a famous director.
In 1997, Song Dandan took Batu, Zhao Yuji with zhao Ting, the daughter of his ex-wife Huang Tao, and they formed a new family. This family and "Family with Children" plot is similar, one is Liu Xing and the other is Xia Xue, Batuu "accomplished nothing", and Zhao Ting became a famous director in Hollywood.
In September this year, Zhao Ting's "No Man's Land" won the Golden Lion Award at the 77th Venice Film Festival, becoming the fifth Chinese to win the award after Zhang Yimou, Ang Lee, Hou Xiaoxian and Jia Zhangke, and she was also invited to direct the Marvel film "Eternals", which will be released in 2021.
As an actor, Batuu has participated in some works, but he does not have much popularity, and the difference between the two is indeed a little obvious.
As a mother of two children, Song Dandan can see the gap between the two children, coupled with the high hopes placed on her son since she was a child, this gap makes her control over her children too much, definitely too little, which appears in the picture in "Longing for Life".
As a mother, whether the son is good or not, should he always belittle the child, Song Dandan is not without thinking.
Speaking of her son Batuu, she said this in "Kefan Listening":
"When my son was in school, I saw that he was full of shortcomings, so when he stopped studying, I suddenly found that he was all good."
It is a mother's awakening, but at the cost of all the growth of the child.
Batuu is almost 30 years old, and when he finally breaks away from the identity of "student", his characteristics as a "person" will be reinterpreted, and those characteristics that are not helpful for learning will gradually show their unique charm.
In the past, Batuu's good temper, very tolerant, big heart, and happy heart were not advantages in the eyes of his mother, as long as he did not study well, the son in Song Dandan's eyes was all shortcomings.
"But now, when he's not reading anymore, I suddenly realize that he's all good. As long as the people around him are not angry, he will never be angry. Because everyone around him was angry with him since he was a child, everyone was roaring at him, so when everyone suddenly stopped yelling at him, he lived very freely. ”
After reading this passage, I was deeply touched.
There will be several identity changes in a person's life, before the 20s is the learning period, as a child, as a student, his task is only to learn, so all the criteria for judging children are based on learning.
What is beneficial to learning must be done, what is unfavorable to learning can not be done, and this set of evaluation criteria can be used for a long time, as if the child's life for more than 20 years is just to spell out a learning achievement, and the life of more than 20 years is not important.
But is academic performance really that important?
When I was in elementary school, I had a classmate who didn't do very well in her studies, often took the exam and counted down, played "crazy" all day, and the parents in the class knew her. But her mother managed her very strictly, did not want her to play with another girl who also often took the countdown, I was studying well, I hoped she could play with me, and only I could call her out of the house.
Every time her mother saw me, she asked me if there was any way to learn to talk to her daughter, and in her mouth, I was rarely exaggerated on the ground, and her daughter was degraded to nothing and did nothing right.
At that time, the other children in the class would treat her with a mocking attitude when they mentioned her, as if they could be higher than her in the future. What makes people sigh is that when they grow up, in addition to one or two classmates who are admitted to high school and continue to go to college, other people who enter the society early to work hard are no different from the life of this classmate who once laughed at it, and even once the penultimate one, married well because of his beautiful looks, is more successful than those boys who have not yet married their daughters-in-law.
When everyone gathers at the class reunion, they mention the performance of primary school, which has been taken as a joke.
Maybe this is the truth of life, the academic performance of childhood, if you can't let the child cross the class, it will eventually become something that is no longer important, and the child will face an ordinary life in the future.
So these children have no advantages?
Their advantage is that they just don't help learning, but they will definitely help life.
In every class, too, if there is the first place, there will be the last one, and anyone may be the parent of the last child.
It is lucky to have a smart child, but it is destined that not every parent can get "lucky".
Perhaps for many parents, the heart needs to go through a process from thinking that my child must be a genius to accepting that the child is one of the ordinary, at this time, parents give up unrealistic fantasies, is the liberation of the child.
Of course, acceptance does not mean giving up, maybe the child can not become the 1% of the crowd, but he will have the brilliance of his own life, help the child find the direction, do his best, in order to let the child create the life he wants.