The little boy in the movie "Out of My World", living in a poor family, has been deeply attracted to it since he met ballet, fortunately he was led by a good teacher, and his father went from strong opposition to full support, after several twists and turns, he went from a poor town to the Royal Ballet School, and finally became a professional ballet dancer.
The success of the little boy was not smooth, he experienced many difficulties in his growth, he was discouraged and almost gave up, but with the support and encouragement of his teacher and father, he finally persevered.
*Photo By Douban
There is no casual success, as a parent, how to support the healthy growth of our children, the growth path of this little boy who dances ballet may give us some enlightenment.
01.
The clash of boxing and ballet
It's actually a matter of over-identification
Billy, an 11-year-old boy from a poor miner's family whose mother has died, lives with his father, brother and elderly grandmother in a small town in the north of England.
Billy's dad and brother are participating in the local miners' strike, and although the family's financial situation is not optimistic, dad will give Billy 50 pence every day to learn boxing. Dad thought that a boy learning boxing could defend himself and become powerful and more like a man.
However, Billy was not interested in boxing and was often ridiculed during training. By chance, he joined the ballet study team, and ballet had an inexplicable attraction to him, so he secretly used the 50p given by his father to learn ballet.
When Dad found out, he was very angry, and Billy asked him, "What's so bad about learning ballet?" ”
Dad replied, "Girls can, boys can't, boys should go kickball or box." ”
My brother also thought that ballet was not enough for his grandfathers, only the dance teacher had no prejudice and taught him seriously.
Billy's father and brother represent the traditional society's expectation of men, that men should engage in fierce sports, must be tough guys, brave and powerful, and have been the development and evolution of nature since ancient times.
We have also been taught from an early age that boys should be boy-like, girls should be girl-like, girly and tomboy, and it is always easy to be talked about by people around us.
However, as society evolves, it will be found that gender roles become more and more blurred, with many boys being less MAN and girls less gentle.
The requirements of traditional society clash with a person's inner self, which brings people a lot of confusion: what should I live like?
In the movie, Billy is very entangled, on the one hand, the family opposes, on the other hand, the love of the heart, after all, is an 11-year-old child, the mind is not so mature, can not bear such a tangle, several times almost to give up.
Is it because boxing and ballet are inherently at odds and have to put Billy on the opposite side of his father and brother?
This is not the case.
Traditionally, boxing represents masculinity, ballet represents femininity, and the opposition of dad and brother means they over-identify with masculine traits and reject femininity, and perhaps they think it's a shame that men are like women.
Psychologist Jung believed that everyone is psychologically hermaphrodite. In the body of the man Wei Ani, there is actually a sufficiently feminine female archetype image Anima, and in the delicate soul of the woman, there is also the male archetype image animus that belongs to them.
So, fundamentally, their opposition to Billy's ballet is an inability to accept the existence of a feminine part of themselves.
Billy's obsession with ballet is the embodiment of the archetypal imagery of women in the man's mind, just as a woman's bravery and powerful performance is the embodiment of the male image in the woman's heart, which means the complete development of individual humanity.
Any overididionality can lead to a dissociation in personality development.
If Billy identifies with his father, learns boxing, plays football, and does things that he is neither good at nor enjoys according to his father's expectations, he may live a mediocre and unhappy life, his vitality is contained, and he will not be able to live his true self.
Why do many people live unhappily now?
Because they over-identify with what their parents or traditional society expect them to be, lose their true selves, never think about what they want to live like, and lack the courage to pursue what they want to be.
Billy was fortunate that he followed his intuition to know what he wanted, and his inner love was also deeply seen by his father and teacher, so that he could live his life.
02.
Father function and mother function
Play to enable children to grow up healthily
Billy's love and talent for ballet was first seen by Mrs. Wilkinson.
Mrs. Wilkinson, a ballet teacher, discovered that Billy was a rare and talented ballet sprout, and she decided to devote herself to cultivating Billy.
Over time, their teacher-student relationship has become closer.
Once, Billy showed Mrs. Wilkinson a letter from his late mother to him.
"Although I can't watch you grow up, I can't cry with you and laugh with you, I can't listen to you shout, and I can't scold you, I've always been by your side, spent everything with you, and always accompanied you." 」
"I am proud of you, even more proud of you, always loyal to myself, I will always love you." 」
Mrs. Wilkinson, after reading the letter, was very touched and said: Your mother must be a very special person.
The lack of mothers in the family makes this family lack a lot of tenderness, father and brother are irritable and irritable, and Billy is always careful and lives very depressed.
If boxing is a release of anger or strength, then dancing can make his mind fly.
Billy does not realize that the emotional part of his mother has been transferred to his teacher, which makes him happy, and at the same time, the female image part of him has landed, which is manifested in his ability to dance freely with the support and encouragement of the teacher, which means that his vitality is no longer suppressed, and he can do what he likes.
Billy was lucky enough to end up with dad's support.
On Christmas Eve, he was found dancing in the rehearsal room by his father, he was not afraid, did not flinch, bravely jumped up in front of his father, Billy's concentration and dedication when dancing, was deeply seen by his father, and his heart was touched.
Dad decides to support Billy in the Royal Ballet selection, and he refuses the teacher's sponsorship, raises money himself, and even abandons the strike to sell Billy's mother's belongings.
The picture after that is very warm: Dad personally accompanies Billy to the exam. The whole family waited for the notification. Dad and brother personally bid Billy farewell. Billy and Dad cuddle together and fight...
The whole family pays attention to Billy, so that their family atmosphere is full of warmth, no longer as grumpy and depressed as before, this is because Billy's female image enters the family, and the whole family is balanced.
In Billy's growth, in the matter of learning ballet, the father's responsibility and support reflected a good father function, and at the same time, Mrs. Wilkinson's understanding and encouragement reflected a good alternative mother function, so that Billy could smoothly follow the heart and eventually embark on a healthy growth path.
03.
True love,
You need to be connected to your heart
Many people in modern society are confused, know what they don't like, but don't know what they love, perhaps from Billy, we can first learn a point: how a person feels about what they love.
Billy was selected by the Royal Ballet, but due to being too nervous and not performing well, the examiner looked disappointed. As he was about to leave the exam room, one of the teachers asked him one last question: How did you feel when you danced?
Billy said, "I don't know, I feel good, a little stiff, but as soon as I dance I forget everything, and then, as if it didn't exist, everything disappeared, and I felt as if there was a fire inside my body, and I was there, flying like a bird, like an electric current." ”
Billy had only a short training, lacked a foundation in dance, and did not use words to express himself, he had only the most authentic feelings.
And it is precisely this feeling that reflects his heartfelt love for ballet.
It was this passage that impressed the examiner, and Billy was eventually admitted.
True love requires a connection to one's own heart, and Billy is exactly that.
So, connecting with our own hearts and listening to our inner voices will lead us to find what we love.
In fact, children like Billy, including Billy's father, there are many around us, parents over-identify with the traditional sense of success, impose their own expectations on children, stifle children's real interest, lead to children bored with learning, can not find what they like, and live very unhappy every day.
Some people say that love can withstand the long years.
From the perspective of a child's long life, if a person does not have something he loves, his life will eventually be bleak and empty.
There's a book about love that says:
"There must be love in life. It is not necessarily that we can take what we love as a profession, but there must be one thing, which is a sufficient reason for our time and effort in all other people, things, and things, the heart of any effort we make, and the place where our whole flow of life leads. Without it, we would have lived aimlessly, chicken to pieces. ”
Accompanying children to grow up, caring for every love of children, but also accompanying our own growth.