One
In July 1924, Ding Ling came to Beijing from Shanghai to study and became acquainted with Hu Yepin.
Hu Yepin's family was poor, and he dropped out of school at the age of fifteen to apprentice in a gold and silver hand jewelry shop. He saved a little money from his meager income to go out to study.
When I met Ding Ling, he had already published some works and was an editor of the supplement of the Beijing Daily. He fell in love with Ding Ling at first sight and began to pursue it fanatically.
Ding Ling and Qu Qiubai had a special affection, in order to complete the girlfriend Wang Jianhong, she gave up her love for Qu Qiubai and instead promoted their marriage. However, Wang Jianhong's early death and Qu Qiubai's rapid remarriage caused Ding Ling to fall into a painful gray mood.
This emotion made him heartless in love. Moreover, having seen a man like Qu Qiubai, he would always unconsciously use him as a reference. Comparing Hu Yebai with Qu Qiubai, it is completely the difference between inferior and genuine products, so Hu Yepin cannot enter her eyes at all.
Hu was a year older than Ding Ling and somewhat childish, like her brother.
Ding Ling only thought that she and Hu Yepin were ordinary friends, but Hu Yepin was already in love with her. Ding Ling returned to Hunan for the summer vacation, and Hu also frequently borrowed travel expenses and traveled thousands of miles to Hunan.
The abrupt visit surprised Ding Ling and her mother. After two months together, Ding Ling was unmoved. She thought about the end of the summer vacation and broke up with him as soon as she arrived in Beijing. After the summer vacation, the two returned to Beijing, and the travel fee was given by Ding Ling's mother.
Because Hu also frequently chased after her to Hunan and spent summer vacations with her, friends agreed that they were boyfriend and girlfriend.
Ding Ling saw that no one believed the explanation, and simply gambled and really lived with Hu Yepin. Another important reason is that she is not good at living alone. She could have no lovers, but she could not have no friends, whether in Shanghai or in Beijing, she had never lived alone, but now that her friends had gone to the south, even the letters were gone, and her cohabitation with Hu Yepin had become inevitable.
The two were very poor, moved to a village near the Biyun Temple in Xishan, Beijing, and lived on 20 yuan a month sent by Ding Ling's mother.
Very simple room and furniture, there is only one bed, even one chair. Living in such a room and a bed, two young men and women can maintain a very pure relationship. There is no sex between them, and for Ding Ling, this kind of life is more about two people living in the same room and being company with each other.
The only thing they have in common is that they are still young, Ding Ling is 21 years old, Hu Yepin is 22 years old, and the childishness of the young people has not yet retreated, making their relationship similar to that of two small children who have no guesses, and regard love as a family game.
Cohabitation but asexuality is a back road left by Ding Ling for herself, so that she can escape from Hu Yepin at any time. In her opinion, as long as there is no sexual activity, she and Hu are not real lovers.
These two people who drifted north were company with each other, and sometimes they were too poor to eat, so they brought two pieces of bread and basked in the sun in the mountains for a day. The future is difficult and confused, but the optimistic Hu Yepin is still trapped in love, he only does two things all day, writing poetry and falling in love. The difference in origin, education, and life experience makes the two people not similar in thought, emotion, and personality. She herself said that with Hu Yepin's company, she only solved loneliness, not loneliness. Hu Also frequently could not meet her spiritual and emotional needs, and there was always a place in her heart that he could not set foot in.
Ding Ling could not break free from this life, and her heart was extremely depressed, and she could only resort to the pen, so she began to write novels.
Ding Ling passively accepted Hu Yepin's love, did not have to pay, although they lived together, they did not have to have the most intimate behavior with him, she believed that the two of them had no right to restrain each other, let alone bear any responsibilities and obligations, in short, they were free people living under the same roof.
During this time, Ding Ling wrote the famous work "The Diary of Lady Shafi", in which she wrote bold and wild lust, but she herself was ascetic. It can be seen that she is not ignorant of the affairs of men and women, but there is a great gap between her and Hu Yefeng from the spirit to the body. Even though she had a mad demon in her heart, that crazy demon could not be called out frequently by Hu Ye.
Ding Ling's sexual concept is not her personal maverick, but in the May Fourth period, many new women have this immature sexual concept, they pay attention to the unity of sex and marriage, rather than the unity of sex and love.
Two
After two years of living in the same room with Hu Yepin, lying in a bed but living purely together, the man who could arouse all the enthusiasm in her life appeared, he was Feng Xuefeng.
In the winter of 1927, Ding Ling published her debut novel "Mengke" in the headline position of the "Novel Monthly" and received a manuscript fee, which she wanted to use to study in Japan. A friend introduced Feng Xuefeng to teach her Japanese.
Feng Xuefeng was the same year as Hu Yepin, but his personality was much more mature than his. The relationship between Ding Ling and Hu Yepin is like a brother and sister, and the relationship between Ding Ling and Feng Xuefeng is like a brother and sister.
Feng Xuefeng studied Japanese at Peking University and was already a well-known poet at the time. He was economically poor, poorer than Hu Yepin, poor and untrimmed, and looked like a countryman.
Feng Xuefeng, who is not proud of his appearance, has a very deep literary attainment and a sharp conversation, and has unique and profound insights into the works and current affairs of many writers.
Feng Xuefeng's steady maturity and profound thinking made Ding Ling's deep love gush out. However, within a week, she decided that Feng Xuefeng was the lover she was waiting for.
Ding Ling felt that she had the right to fall in love with Feng Xuefeng. She and Hu Yefeng live together but are sexless, not husband and wife, and Hu Yefeng, who came first, did not enjoy more rights than Feng Xuefeng, who arrived later.
However, this was only Ding Ling's wishful thinking, and Hu Yi frequently did not allow his relationship with Ding Ling to be crossed by Feng Xuefeng.
Once, after Ding Ling and Feng Xuefeng went to Beihai Park for a day, Hu Yipin finally broke out. He went crazy looking for Ding Ling everywhere, and when Ding Ling and Feng Xuefeng returned home in the afternoon, he indiscriminately threw his fists at Ding Ling.
Feng Xuefeng felt embarrassed and left Beijing for Shanghai.
Feng Xuefeng's personality determined that he would definitely avoid it, but Ding Ling couldn't do without Feng Xuefeng at all.
She wrote in "Not a Love Letter": "I have thought about going to Shanghai with you, I have thought of going to Japan with you, I have had such fantasies. If not, I would have gone. If you are a different personality, like Yapin, you can encourage me a little more, maybe I may be gone. Why didn't you love me a little more at that time, and why didn't you want to get me? ......”
In his relationship with Ding Ling, Feng Xuefeng is quite restrained, and his personality determines that when love and dignity conflict, he will maintain dignity and abandon love. However, the more restrained he was, the more Ding Ling couldn't stop.
He formed a sharp contrast with Hu Yepin. Hu Ye frequently glued too closely, and there was no gap or distance between the two, making Ding Ling feel that his love was too easy to cherish at all.
Ding Ling wrote in "Not a Love Letter":
I fell in love with him too naturally and too easily, I was not upset, I was not fantasizing, I was not bitter. However, for you, the real pursuit, there is really a willingness to lose everything and just hear a word from you, that is, "I love you"
Ding Ling and Hu Yepin
Three
Feng Xuefeng's departure not only did not extinguish Ding Ling's love fire, but made it burn more and more vigorously.
Two weeks after he left Beijing, Ding Ling chased after him, so Hu Yepin also chased him to Shanghai. The three of them began another competition in Shanghai.
Ding Ling and Hu also frequently borrowed two days from Shen Congwen's house in Shanghai. In the past two days, Ding Ling and Hu Ye had frequently quarreled, crying and making trouble in front of Shen Congwen, and also got into a mess, and Shen Congwen became a persuasive fighter. In the end, the two decided to go to Hangzhou with Feng Xuefeng to live for a while.
After living in the house that Feng Xuefeng rented for them near The West Lake in Hangzhou, Ding Ling said to Hu Yepin:
I can't do what you ask, I can't do what I ask, so you might as well go to Shanghai for a few days and I stay in Hangzhou for a few days.
Hu also agreed, and a week later, he returned to Shanghai and lived in Shen Congwen's house.
Hu Ye frequently left Hangzhou temporarily, because he was fed up with the mutual affection of Ding Ling and Feng Xuefeng, and he became a superfluous and annoying person who came first. How sad he was!
The love between the three is like an unfair tug-of-war, Feng Xuefeng makes a little effort, Ding Ling will fall to him, but he always calmly and self-sustainingly backs down.
However, this time, Hu also frequently lived in Shen Congwen's house, and Shen Congwei pointed out the mystery to him, ending Ding Ling's swaying left and right between the two men.
Hu Yipin returned to Shanghai and talked with Shen Congwen for one night. Regarding this conversation, Shen Congwen himself said this:
"I have made some fresh opinions on what I know that belongs to a certain scientific scope..." This "knowledge and fresh opinions of a certain scientific scope" is the core content of "sex".
After a long night of talking, Hu also frequently opened his mind, and he immediately returned to Hangzhou.
For Ding Ling and Feng Xuefeng, fate left them with too little time, only one night.
This night, Ding Ling was willing to belong to Feng Xuefeng, if Feng Xuefeng had a little courage, the two of them could come together. According to Ding Ling's "concept of the unity of sex and marriage", even if Hu yi returned frequently, he could not break them up.
However, Feng Xuefeng missed it, maybe he wasn't ready, still tangled, thinking... Ding Ling later wrote to Feng Xuefeng's "Not Counting Love Letters", until you leave Hangzhou, you can think back, I am an attitude, an attitude of willing to belong to you, a way of seeing you as the person who is most willing to trust, I confess to you a lot, a lot of obedience, I have never been like that to people. You're gone again... From here, it can be seen that even if Hu Yifeng returns frequently, Ding Ling is still waiting for Feng Xuefeng to make up his mind, but Feng Xuefeng chose to give up. After Hu Yifeng returned to Hangzhou, Feng Xuefeng left.
For Hu Yepin's love, there are moral and ethical considerations, while the love for Feng Xuefeng is from the heart. If there is enough emotional motivation, Ding Ling can look at morality and ethics, and will listen to the call of inner passion. It's just that Feng Xuefeng didn't give her such motivation. In the face of his negativity and passivity, her enthusiasm was awkward and frustrated. She had no choice but to hu Yepin.
After Feng Xuefeng left, Hu Yifeng was no longer stupid, this time he used the killer skills he learned from Shen Congwen, ended the two-and-a-half-year asexual cohabitation life, and truly became a husband and wife with Ding Ling.
Shen Congwen was very comfortable with his role as a life mentor, and he wrote in "Remembering Hu Yepin":
When I went back this time, the advice I made to the naval students (referring to Hu Yepin) was generally of some use, and the storm subsided, and all the problems ended in a short period of time. The two lived in a separate courtyard in West Lake Geling for about three months. For three months, or because of the addition of the ingredients that had been missing before, the two were like a couple on the same honeymoon...
Four
Ding Ling never shy away from talking about her feelings for Feng Xuefeng in public, while Feng Xuefeng is just the opposite, never involving her love for Ding Ling in public words and speeches. So did he love Ding Ling?
Privately, Feng Xuefeng once told his friends about his feelings for Ding Ling after the passage of time, saying that he fell in love with her at first sight and reached the point of being desperate for her. But Feng Xuefeng's desperation, Ding Ling did not feel it at all.
It cannot be said that Feng Xuefeng's expression is exaggerated, but his recklessness can only reach such a level.
For him, when Ding Ling and Hu Yepin maintained a cohabitation relationship, he intervened between them, against a great deal of public pressure and at the risk of external condemnation of his morality.
Due to his personality, his recklessness and Hu Yefeng's are incomparable, and throughout his life, he has never done anything out of the ordinary, perhaps this behavior is really a reckless act for him.
The difference between men and women is that men will never put love first and will not take it as the whole of life. Women, on the other hand, will be immersed in it for a long time, unable to extricate themselves, and regard it as the only and all of life.
Although Ding Ling and Hu Yefeng have a husband and wife, she still has fantasies and still lives in the thought of Feng Xuefeng. However, the two began to drift apart.
After Feng Xuefeng returned to Shanghai, he was soon arranged by the party organization to return to his hometown of Yiwu for underground work, and he had no time to take care of his children's feelings.
Seven months later, in March 1929, he married He Aiyu. In the two years from July 1927 to May 1930, Ding Ling broke off contact with Feng Xuefeng and could not even communicate with the letter. But she had never forgotten him. Because of the thought of him secretly sad, there are times when he writes letters to him with a pen and finally destroys the letter, and even when a person runs to his house on an extremely cold winter night, hiding from peeking at the window lights of his house.
In February 1930, forced to make a living, Hu Also frequently left Shanghai to teach in Jinan, Shandong Province. In their stretched days, Hu Also frequently struggled to make a living and support Ding Ling's writing.
Ding Ling's ability to live alone is very poor, she is accustomed to Hu Yepin's company and care, so once Hu Yepin left Shanghai for Jinan, she felt lonely alone.
In this month, she and Hu Yepin wrote letters almost every day, in which Ding Ling had a lot of love for Hu Yepin, the first letter was called "I love frequency", the second letter was "beautiful", the third was "lover", in addition, the letter also called Hu Yepin "love". Every letter is also full of hot love words.
Hu Yefeng left at the end of February, and by March, Ding Ling could not bear it any longer and ran to Jinan to find him.
The reason why she went to Jinan, in addition to the reasons for life, there are more emotional reasons. She worries that she doesn't have enough self-control, so she uses her husband's love to resist the attraction of another relationship and doesn't give herself the opportunity to think wildly.
Hu Yipin, who taught at Shandong Provincial High School, was highly admired by his students, and he enthusiastically promoted Marxism and Universal Literature to the students, becoming the core figure of the school. It was precisely because of this that he became a figure of concern to the Kuomintang authorities and was in danger of being wanted. Therefore, the two stayed in Jinan until May, and then hurried back to Shanghai.
After returning to Shanghai, the two joined the Left League together. In fact, in February, Ding Ling had already been invited by Zuo Lian, but she considered that Feng Xuefeng was one of the founders of Zuo Lian, and she had no feelings for him and could not face him alone, so she refused, and this time she joined with her husband and contacted Feng Xuefeng with her husband, and she felt at ease.
After two years, Hu Yefeng and Feng Xuefeng were busy with major events related to the revolution, and they had long been reconciled, and Ding Ling seemed calm on the surface, but her heart was still turbulent. But she learned restraint.
With the help and guidance of Feng Xuefeng, Ding Ling and Hu Also frequently joined the Communist Party of China.
In November 1930, Ding Ling and Hu Yepin's son Jiang Zulin was born, and the joy of parenthood and the new experience of political life made Ding Ling and Hu Yepin more and more affectionate, and her past love life was placed deeper and deeper into her heart.
The heart began to become calm, and life seemed to be getting better and better.
But bad luck has come. On January 17, 1931, Hu was arrested. Ding Ling put the child in Li Da's house and ran around day and night to rescue her. At this time, she deeply felt how important Hu Yepin was to herself, the child could not live without a father, she could not live without her husband, and she was more afraid of losing him than ever.
However, she was eventually lost, and on February 7, Hu Was killed frequently, becoming one of the five martyrs of the Left League, at the age of 28.
Ding Ling wept wildly when she read the letter written to Hu Yefeng on the day of her death. She said to Li Da, who was comforting her:
"You don't understand my heart, I pity him so much." I didn't understand him at all, but now I do.
He's a great man, but he's so pathetic! ”
Maybe at this time, Ding Ling regretted it, if she knew that Hu Yefeng would leave so quickly, then she would definitely cherish the time between the two of them.