Text | Erxu's mother
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After dinner a few days ago, a different circle of friends made me calm down for a long time.
That circle of friends, shown to be sent by my friend Zhou Jie (pseudonym), but there are no few lines of pictures, which is extremely eye-catching:
Hello friends and relatives, I am the owner of this WeChat Zhou Jie husband XXX, Zhou Jie has died of illness today, November 8 at 8:30 a.m. due to illness...
I can't read the content of the back, and my heart is full of regret.
For the next two whole days, I was in a bit of a trance, and it was difficult to accept this reality.
Zhou Jie is the same age as me, just over 30 years old, with a son and a daughter and two well-behaved children, and a husband who loves her very much.
From a secular point of view, a happy family is a proper winner in life.
But there was a real ups and downs, from the time of the birth of the disease to her death, it was only a short period of 4 months.
I still remember the time when we were sealed in the community and walked together during the epidemic.
In recent years, with the increase of age, people have slowly calmed down.
I've always felt that nothing can make my mood fluctuate.
But Zhou Jie's death still hurt my heart.
As a friend of Zhou Jie, I recall the bits and pieces of my interaction with her, and I am very emotional:
Most people, who live in a hurry every day, rarely stop to think about what kind of life we want to have.
Only when the relatives or friends around them encounter accidents, they seem to have touched the countdown moment of life, and only then do they think of reflecting on their own lives.
And in life, what things need to be filtered out, which things are really worth staying, really have to think clearly.
Happiness is not unobtainable
It's what we have
Zhou Jie was sick, I learned about it two months ago.
At the time, she had just been diagnosed with stomach cancer for three months and was undergoing active chemotherapy.
She wanted surgery, but she was too weak to go home first.
At that time, I also comforted her that now that medicine is developed and not so serious, good mood is the key.
Only half a month later, she sent a circle of friends: countless unwilling and unwilling.
At that time, my heart was tight, and I quickly asked her: Is it better?
But there was no reply.
The next day I called to visit, Zhou Jie's mother answered, said a period of stability to say it.
I think the patient needs to rest, and it is better to take a while.
But Zhou Jie's circle of friends made my heart ache.
Countless unwillingness and reluctance - 8 words, each word, are full of pessimism and despair.
Image source: The movie "Marriage Story"
I don't know if the condition has worsened, even if it is not worse, as a cancer patient, think of your 30-year-old fang age, the two young children behind you, it is inevitable to be depressed.
People's wishes, sometimes how humble, many times, humble to just live, live longer, accompany the child more.
Thinking about this, look at my daily anxiety for work, busy, constantly climbing up, and suddenly feel that I am a little unsaid.
Those humble wishes always reflect and remind us:
Happiness is not something that cannot be reached, and cherishing what you have is happiness.
After having children
Our lives are not just our own
After Zhou Jie left, the most painful thing was her two children.
Her son, who is just 10 years old, is in the fifth grade.
Daughter, only 5 years old, has just entered kindergarten.
There is a sentence in "One Hundred Years of Solitude":
Parents are the curtains that separate us from death.
For children, parents are the mountain that helps them resist the troubles of life and let them vent the pressure of learning.
Image source: Movie "Bernadette Where Have You Gone"
Now that Mom is gone, Dad has to earn money to support the family.
Zhou Jie's two children, at a young age, lacked half of the mountain.
Without the mother's day and night companionship, without the mother's day and night, the two children grow up alone, how strong, how unavoidable...
These, as a mom, I really dare not think about.
Most parents will feel that their children are not perfect and not independent enough, but if there is really anything, we are still willing to do everything to fight for their children.
It is precisely because of this selfless licking that children can calmly be themselves, like a real child, do not have to think too much, and grow up slowly.
Before I had children, I was not afraid, there was not much involvement, and I did not have any worries.
But after having children, I suddenly found:
Whether I am healthy and strong is also related to the quality of life of the children in the first half of life, and whether the children can get up in time at each moment of falling.
As parents, we are the eternal dependence of our children, the only harbor for children.
Cherish ourselves, not only for ourselves, but also for the sake of not allowing our children to grow up alone and lonely in the storm.
Life is your own
The eyes of others are not important
The sudden departure of life is really too regrettable.
Since "aging" is the inevitable destination of everyone, the most important thing is whether we have truly lived for ourselves.
Too many of us, in society, will unconsciously be surrounded by most voices.
But if you think about it, life is for yourself, not for others to see.
If you blindly follow other people's opinions, you will lose yourself.
Image source: The movie "Kim Ji-young born in 1982"
Writer Li Xiaoyi once told his own story:
8 years ago she wanted to write a book, and someone told her that the writer's income was unstable;
5 years ago, she wanted to start a company again, and others told her that starting a business was very tiring;
4 years ago she wanted to get financing, others shy her, too risky;
3 years ago she wanted to do a talk show, and others suspected that she didn't have a sense of camera...
But she did all these things.
Although some did not work, some did wrong, but she has gained great growth.
In 7 years, she wrote 6 books, appeared on the writers list 4 times, and started a company.
In 2018, the company successfully raised funds, the valuation was 300 million, and the interviews she did were more and more felt...
Li Xiaoyi
Just think, if Li Xiaoyi cared too much about the views of "most" people and lived according to the eyes of others, would she still become who she is today?
In this world, there are many people who help us to advise, come up with ideas, and look at us with worldly eyes.
But no one can empathize with you to live and feel.
Don't take other people's opinions too seriously, those beautiful and textured lives have always respected the heart and walked in their own rhythm.
Don't worry too much about the momentary gains and losses
In this life, it is difficult to have a smooth sailing, and if there is a smooth intention, there will be frustration.
Too concerned about a momentary gain and loss, it is often difficult to grasp this life.
Whether living or working, too entangled in the "gains and losses of one city and one pool", it is likely to roll in the same quagmire repeatedly.
Don't dwell too much on the present, you will only miss more.
Whether we live or work, we must have the courage to pat the dirt and turn around bravely.
Forget those accidental clumsiness and mistakes, and give the best state to the next time, which is a wiser way to live.
How to live an uncertain life is really a question worth thinking about.
Imagine if you were looking back at the end of your life at this moment, what would you decide when the following situations came?
Will you set aside some more time to spend with your family and children?
Would you dare to try something you've always wanted to do?
Will you muster up the courage to say "no" to something you never want to put up with?
Would you not hesitate to buy that dress that has been nostalgic for countless times?
……
Sanmao once said:
"Give yourself time, don't be anxious, step by step, day by day, please believe that the resilience of life is amazing, cooperate with your own upward heart, and don't give up your love for yourself." 」
The resilience of life is not how high our enthusiasm and belief in life are, but how much energy and confidence we have when the accidents and troughs of life come, little by little.
Climbing the peak forever is certainly worthy of praise, but knowing how to use the philosophy of life to keep the trough is also the way to survive.
May everyone live a life without regrets in a limited life.