The best way to abolish a child is to keep taking care of him and managing him...

Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

1

Most parents feel that the more they give to their children, the more meticulous they manage, which is love.

The child should be satisfied.

But why in the end you hold on tightly, and the child is already angry and wants to escape?

Because many families, in the name of love, weave a net for their children and lock their children in this net woven by the family.

I feel that protecting the child in this way is love for the child.

But children, they may feel different.

Why can't my peers do things on their own, even those younger siblings, but I can't do them independently, and I have to be led by adults?

Once, in the elevator, I met the boy who was in the third grade of elementary school.

This time it was his mom who picked him up.

A few old people in the elevator joked, "Today is my mother's duty day!" Grandma cooks at home. ”

Unexpectedly, the child's face turned red.

Say to your mother, "I said I don't want you to take it!" I can come back myself. ”

Mom ignored him and remained silent.

Unexpectedly, another old lady said: "My grandson went home by himself in the first grade, and now the child is amazing." ”

The boy probably thought the grandmother was mocking him.

Began to get angry, and a man kicked the elevator compartment with his foot.

When I got to the floor, I got out of the elevator compartment, and before the door was closed, I heard him muttering and losing his temper, "Tell you to be nosy!" ”

Then he slammed the door of his own house.

We all know that Grandma Pingsu loves this grandson very much.

When I go out, I often carry a kettle and clothes for my grandson.

Sometimes he chases his grandson with milk.

But a little dissatisfaction will make the grandson angry.

Although the little grandson does not want adults to pick him up, it is not possible to be late.

Once my grandmother went to school a little late, and he was also losing his temper: "Tell you not to pick up, waste my time waiting for you." ”

Or hold snacks that are not to your taste and get angry.

And grandma has a very gentle personality, and she listens silently.

Now there are too many such adults, afraid that the child is a little troublesome, worried about the child.

I can't wait to look at my children all the time.

2

When your child is going to school, worry about whether your child will have trouble going to school.

For example, what should I do if I am bullied by my classmates?

What should I do if I am criticized by a teacher?

What if the teacher doesn't like him?

What should I do if my classmates don't play with him?

……

So I can't wait to send my child to the class of an acquaintance.

Many of us like to find acquaintances to trust relationships, and we think this is reliable.

But for the growth of children, it is not a good thing.

Writer Liu Jirong once mentioned his daughter's experience in the article.

Your good luck began at the age of three, and as soon as you entered kindergarten, your aunt was the teacher of your class, and I was overjoyed and handed you over to her, asking her to take good care of you. The enthusiastic aunt not only takes care of you in every way herself, but also tells other teachers to take more care of you, so you become the most favored princess among children.

When you were in elementary school, your good luck continued, and the homeroom teacher was actually your grandmother's student. My grandmother and I led you to visit, received a warm welcome from the teacher, and promised to cultivate you well.

Because of the arrangement of the mother and relatives, the child does not have any troubles and will not encounter any trouble, because there are so many adults surrounding her.

But in the end, due to personnel transfers, the teacher who took care of himself left, and the child began to be unacceptable, crying every day and arguing that he would not go to school.

Finally, we have to start learning to adapt to all this.

In fact, why think of erasing all those troubles in growing up?

What you erase now, maybe in many years will come back to the door again.

Every time I see children who are carefully dressed, living and learning in the little lucky circle carefully arranged by their parents.

I feel that this is not love, but a hidden danger for children.

One day, they will be a little unhappy, or their parents will not be able to do so.

When they need to support themselves, can they rise up and face the troubles and troubles of life independently?

How long can those dreams of little princesses and little princes be realized?

3

In school, the biggest difference from home is that the child will no longer be the focus, and no one will revolve around you so much, taking into account your emotional changes.

Because there are so many things that teachers have to care about.

They can't take care of you all the time.

Sometimes children are punished by teachers for standing, copying, and staying in class.

Parents' hearts must be bigger, don't think it's a terrible thing.

Don't think that these troublesome things will make children hate learning, so rush to tell the teacher.

There are also many parents who tell their children that they can play with this child in school, not with that child.

They feel that naughty kids will take children "bad."

Even ask the teacher to change seats.

In fact, it is very bad for the growth of children.

Because children cannot always live in the "ideal" world you have created.

They will still meet all kinds of people in the future.

It is better to let them deal with various peers from an early age.

In fact, the so-called "bad" children or naughty children are just evaluated by adults.

They also have a lot of fun places and can also be friends.

4

Please let them go through what the child should go through, and don't try to help them solve it.

If the environment is relatively safe and allows them to face it independently, they can be encouraged to do it independently.

Because the elementary school is opposite our community, separated by a small road.

When Xiaoxiaoyu first started in the first grade, we also picked up and dropped off every day.

Lasted almost a semester.

At that time, he was told every day about the safety details he needed to pay attention to.

Tell him that he will go home by himself next semester, and his parents will not pick up.

Nowadays, he goes home alone for dinner at noon, and then goes to school alone.

I also went home by myself after school, and we didn't pick it up.

In fact, we often worry that when it is time to go home and ring the doorbell, the doorbell does not ring, and then we start to play drums in our hearts.

Thinking about why he went, is something wrong?

The hearts of parents are similar.

But we didn't follow him step by step.

Sometimes, when it comes to this, he proudly tells people that I went to and from school by myself.

If children accomplish something on their own, that small sense of accomplishment will pile up and make them more confident.

5

If your child is not prepared enough, encourage them, but never do it for them.

Many times, children show timidity.

For example, Xiaoxiaoyu is still a little timid when talking to strange adults.

Took him to buy stationery at the supermarket the other day.

There was a pen holder that he liked but didn't have a price tag, and I asked him to ask the salesperson.

But he looked at me, and wanted me to go.

I said you go and ask, call Auntie, just ask, Dad believes you can do it.

He hesitated and walked over.

"Auntie, how much is this pen holder?"

I heard him ask his aunt in very standard Mandarin on the other side of the shelf.

It's a lot more serious than usual.

I remember when he was more than three years old, sometimes he wanted to buy snacks, and I encouraged him to choose his own, then go to the inquiry himself, and finally I paid.

Sometimes he is afraid to go, I will encourage him, do not be afraid, Dad believes that you can do it.

So now he can also independently go to the supermarket to buy us salt and go to the fruit store to buy fruit (of course, the fruit is not picked!). ）

In the process of growing up with Xiao Xiaoyu, I am glad that I have the courage to dare to let go, instead of always trying to catch him.

Sometimes he is seen talking about small troubles he has encountered in school or in life.

I will watch anxiously and listen.

But if he can solve it himself, he must let him do it himself.

As I've been saying, we parents are to be "watchmen."

As long as there is no danger, we can watch the child from afar.

Life is a long way, and in the end, it is up to the child to walk by himself.