When your child says, "I didn't do well in the test," your attitude determines his future
Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery
Fish Dad's Words: Little Fish finished the test, and when I picked him home, it was raining heavily, and I looked around at the puddles and cars coming and going.
And he kept telling me how many grades he could score, and I felt that I might not have done well in the Chinese test.
I found that I don't usually put too much emphasis on scores.
But the child cares a lot about himself, sometimes he does the questions for himself, and then he grades himself seriously.
On the way home, I can also hear the child walking by and talking to his mother: "Mom, I didn't do well in the exam this time!" ”
The mother silently pulled the child to walk hurriedly.
And my mother is saying, "It's okay! Come on next time, baby! ”
In the evening, there are also mothers in the group asking teachers about their grades.
After the exam, how do we talk to the child and comfort the child who did not do well?
The attitude of parents is more important than test scores, share this previous article with everyone.
The upcoming summer vacation, Daddy Fish wishes the children a happy day...
1
Recently, there are many parents who are very, very depressed.
Because the child's test results are not satisfactory.
I have to bite the bullet and go to the parent-teacher meeting, and my heart is like 10,000 horses galloping.
A child's grades can be said to be the lifeblood of determining the child's class ranking and future progression.
No matter how calm parents are, they can only say that they don't care very much, but they will still pay attention in their hearts.
More importantly, some children care, relatives and friends care, and schools and teachers care more.
Xiao Xiaoyu's little cousin came to us very early on, how did my younger brother do in the exam?
And the test results sometimes make you doubt your parenting methods and children, is it too confident? Is something overlooked?
One mother said that her child's class suddenly came to an exam, and she felt that she was killed by surprise, and her son's grades were countdown. Originally, I believed in the child very much and felt that the child's various abilities were good, but when I saw the teacher announce the results in the WeChat group, I was still a little caught off guard and felt very uncomfortable.
Especially when I saw that there were classmates who scored full marks, compared it, I felt even more whether I wanted to teach this naughty child a good lesson, but I was afraid of hurting the child.
I told her, really calm down.
Because everything has just begun, as a parent, the road under your feet is still long, but don't mess up yourself.
No matter how humiliated or angry you feel, stand firmly and peacefully by your child's side.
Let's not talk about how much schooling does this kind of ranking test hurt children, because we can't change this.
But what we can change is our own attitude, and what we can do is help our children improve.
2
I have never advocated free-range happiness education, because it is a kind of psychological comfort for my dereliction of duty in the name of happiness.
But I don't think my child's early test scores are so important.
Are a child's early grades really decisive? The answer is no.
Because early results are only indicative and even somewhat deceptive, don't take them too seriously.
At this stage, children's learning habits and behavioral habits should be ranked first.
A homeroom teacher who has been teaching for decades said, "I have seen many children who are at the bottom of elementary school, the top three in junior high school, and the bottom in high school. There are the influence of the family's long-term poor education methods and environment, and there are also the sequelae of learning too much, only looking at the score and not looking at the ability...
And children in kindergarten and first and second grades, even more so, do not worry about their poor grades.
The simplest and happiest years of childhood should be before the third grade.
For example, before the third grade, my nephew came to play with me on weekends, and I took him and my son to the park, playing like a three-year-old child, reading books, and seeing pinyin stories from the young babies in my house, not at all looking like an older child.
And in recent years, it has been almost difficult to come to our house to play.
Either you have to do your homework or you have classes to take.
So, when a mother who has just entered the second grade told me that her child failed both Chinese and mathematics, I understood his anxiety.
But understand that at this time, children need more encouragement from parents than scolding.
Parents should stand by their children's side, help him find gaps, find problems, and then improve little by little.
Suppose a child who was hit at school comes home with scolding and insults from you. And if he is taught like this again and again, then all his dissatisfaction in school plus the disapproval of his family will make him think that he is really not reading material.
But every life will find a way out for itself, to find a way to prove itself.
When children feel that there is no hope of improving their grades, it will lead to school boredom, decreased self-confidence, low motivation, and low self-esteem.
Some children choose to skip school and learn to form gangs like confused boys, making themselves look very majestic and no one dares to mess with them, so as to satisfy their sense of excellence.
Some children choose the virtual world of the Internet, in real life, he is inferior to others, and everywhere is not in line with the wishes of parents and teachers. But in the virtual world, he can be a warrior who is invincible, a general who besieges a city, or a king who responds.
In such a psychological comparison, it is not surprising that children will be addicted to the Internet.
And this kind of thing is also true in the adult world, how many people are not willing to face the real society when they become adults, willing to hide on the virtual network, or lock themselves in their rooms, do not want to work, do not want to contact society and choose to gnaw the old.
It is often caused by improper parenting.
3
The child did not do well in the test, and the parents' denial and anxiety had a far greater impact on the child than the failing score.
Children are always looking for a sense of identity, and they will get their parents' attention at home by coquettishly or crying.
For example, children make new things, and they are always eager to share them with their parents.
When parents give affirmation, they are satisfied and will have a kind of identification with themselves.
Of course, ours is certainly not blind praise.
The child's failure to pass the exam does not mean affirming the child's unfailing score, but affirming the child's ability to break through himself and make progress.
Let your child see the tightened brow on your face and the slightly anxious tone.
But suppress the rising anger and the emotional labels that come to mind.
I am very grateful that when I was a child, whether or not I took the exam and went back with a certificate, my family would not say anything.
It's just that when I get the award, I will give it to me very brightly, and then I will stick it on the wall of the room.
When I didn't go back with the award, they never said anything, but watched if I was serious about trying.
Sometimes I didn't do well in the exam, I myself would feel embarrassed, and I would tell them that this time the school said that the award certificate was only issued to the fifth place in the class, but unfortunately I was always sixth, and there were always 5 thrones in front of me that were difficult to shake.
That's for cows.
If my son brings me a failing exam paper one day, I won't scold him.
Because I'll find out the reason with him.
I very much believe that as long as the parents work hard enough and the children work hard, the children's grades will not be bad.
Compared with grades, children's motivation and attitude to learning are more important.
Children's study habits and behavior habits should be paid more attention.
Because these things will put him in this big arena of life.
Go higher and see further.
4
There is a kind of mother, they are peaceful and firm, they have a regular daily routine, they work hard to run the house, they are diligent and thrifty, the children know what their mother will do at what point, and the home is always orderly and warm and quiet.
When the child is not satisfactory for a while, do not fight but understand, help the child to improve.
When a child falls behind, he will not compare with other children, but find his strengths and help him build confidence.
They care about their children's learning, but do not preach, but accompany them through daily actions.
When the child is in elementary school, he will follow the child to walk the primary school road again, read those childish texts aloud, and make the addition and subtraction operations interesting.
When the child is in middle school, he follows the child to memorize words, memorize formulas and theorems, and do geometric operations.
When the child is behind in which homework, it is not to urge and throw him to the training class, but to follow the child to analyze, to learn, find a way, and correct the child.
With the support of parents, your child's heart will be close to you, and you will see your child's progress every time.
Life is a big playing field.
Parents are their children's most important life coaches.
When the child is young, the parents' will definitely give the child a source of confidence throughout his life.
And those parents who anxiously deny their children often gain an extremely unconfident child.
So when your child's grades are not as good as you want, don't pay too much attention to the roll call at the parent-teacher meeting, and don't feel that your face is dull.
Tell yourself that everything has just begun and that everything is still in time.
Calm down, stand on your feet, and study hard with your child.
Believe that hard work, only hard work will not live up to your heart.