Recently, there is a hot search topic on Weibo that is quite interesting:
#男朋友28了还是离不开安抚巾 #
Source: Sina Weibo @SourceSpring Senior
One stone stirred up thousands of waves, and many netizens revealed their "little fetishes".
There are those who like to touch their little belly,
Those who have a penchant for rubbing their hair,
There are those who have to hold the doll to sleep,
And the pillow towel is wrapped in pulp...
Many people don't understand this, which reminds me of the doubts sent by a mother in the background some time ago.
She said that her 32-year-old husband slept with a tattered blanket every day, and whether there was any serious illness.
In fact, this is a fairly common attachment phenomenon.
Many children have this "fetish complex".
Part.1
Why children like it
Touching breasts, pinching ears, pillow towels?
I remember reading a news during the epidemic, a father in Shanghai held his daughter in one hand and a pillow in the other, queuing up in the community to do nucleic acid.
Why carry a pillow?
Because her daughter was unwilling to leave her pillow, her father had to take it with her.
This is typical "fetish behavior".
Every child's attachment is different,
There are those who like to touch their mother's ears or neinei to fall asleep,
There are those who like to fall asleep by grabbing the corners of the quilt,
There are also those who like to sleep with rag dolls and small towels.
Even if the item is already dirty and broken, the child will not be allowed to throw it away, or even wash it.
A mother once complained that her daughter used to sleep with a pile of rags and did not let her throw it away for more than ten years.
Even if it is already too bad to look like, if she wants to throw her daughter, she will fight with her.
Why do children have these "little fetishes"?
Since parents cannot be by their children's side 24 hours a day, when children feel anxious and uneasy, they will look for an alternative that they can rely on.
He will project his sense of security and attachment to his mother onto an object, which may be a small towel, a small pillow, a small doll...
These attached objects usually have one common feature:
It hides the most familiar smell of the child, which may be the mother's or his own body odor.
The child psychoanalyst Winnicott called such objects "transitional objects."
Everything that connects through mother and child has the potential to become that "transitional object."
"Transitional objects" are not given by adults, but are "discovered" or "created" by children themselves in specific situations.
It refers not only to an object, but also to an action.
Winnicott believes that transitional objects are a symbol of the stability of maternal love in the child's heart, and can even be used as a substitute for maternal love.
It helps children relieve tension and make them feel warm and safe.
Even if the mother returns to the side, even if she grows up, the attachment to this object is likely to remain.
Because he has established a deep connection with this object.
So, the question is, does the child's fetish behavior need to be abstained?
Part.2
child "fetish",
Should it be corrected?
In the face of children's fetish behavior, many parents are prone to two misunderstandings.
Myth 1: "fetish behavior" = "fetish"
A child's fetish behavior is not a "fetish", let alone a mental illness.
Liu Li, director of the child health department of Beijing East District Children's Hospital, said that children's attachment to objects is not excitement, but the comfort of security.
This is a very normal psychological phenomenon, and it is a stage that every individual must go through in the process of psychological development.
The child's "fetish complex" is clearly different from the adult's "fetish", which is not a pathological behavior that must be corrected, and it is not harmful to the child's growth.
Fu Yuanhui, a girl from the Hong Wilderness, has such an attachment called "touch", which is a red rope.
Dad said it was a towel she loved when she was a child, and she had to carry it everywhere she went, and when she grew up, she turned it into a rope.
The child's fetish behavior, as long as it does not affect normal life, we do not need excessive intervention.
And, as the child gets older, life becomes richer and the perception of maternal love becomes more profound, this situation will gradually disappear.
Even if there is still "fetish" behavior in adulthood, as long as his behavior does not affect social and normal development, and does not cause harm to himself and others, he is worried too much.
Misunderstanding 2: Forcibly stopping it will cause more harm to the child's psychology
A mother took her daughter's fetish towel to wash, and the child broke down crying while guarding the washing machine...
These small objects, in our opinion, may not be important, but they are an extremely precious emotional sustenance for children.
Children are attached to these objects, in fact, they are attached to the taste of maternal love.
If it is forcibly stopped, it will cause more harm to the child's psyche.
Instead of intervening roughly, give the child more attention and companionship.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said that only when maternal love is passed on to children many times, and the child feels enough maternal love, one day he will understand:
It turns out that mother is not equivalent to breasts, blankets or others, and maternal love is invisible and qualityless.
Only when the child understands this can he himself let go of his dependence and attachment to excessive sexual objects.
Part.3
How to deal with a child's "fetish complex"?
If you are worried that your child is overly dependent on an object and affects daily life, you can improve it in the following ways.
Have more physical contact with your child
Frequent physical contact between parents and children can eliminate children's anxiety and anxiety.
Usually, you can hug the child more, pat the child's shoulder, touch the child's head, and pull the child's little hands to relieve his "skin hunger".
This kind of intimate physical contact will make the child receive such a hint:
Mom loves me, Mom will protect me, I'm safe...
Give your child high-quality companionship
Companionship is not just to be by the child's side, and companionship without verbal communication and physical contact is ineffective companionship.
True effective companionship is to stop at what you are doing and devote yourself to your child.
You might say that you're so busy going to work every day that you don't have time to spend with your children.
In fact, high-quality and effective companionship only needs to focus on accompanying the child for 15 minutes a day.
It can be listening carefully to the child to talk about interesting things,
It can be reading with children,
It can be playing games or playing football with your child,
It can also be to climb the mountain outside,
Observe small animals, small flowers and grasses...
Give your child a few more "migration carriers"
When we buy daily necessities for children, we can consciously prepare several more "migration carriers" to reduce the possibility of children's "dedication" to a certain object.
For example, start with two or three small blankets to exchange for use.
Read the picture book about "pacifiers"
Through picture book reading, guide children to learn how to establish a good attachment relationship with "people" and reduce their attachment to "things".
Recommend a few picture books for girls to read with children:
"Intimate Purple Sweater"
"Goodbye! Small pacifier"
"Start Not Eating Today"
"I like my little blanket"
Girls,
Under the exchange of message area,
Does your baby have an "attachment"?