Boys' mothers are "five-fee people", and raising boys is never easy

It is said that little boys are difficult to raise.

But as long as you understand the underlying thinking behind their stubbornness, mischievousness, and adventurous love, parents can still easily harvest a warm, self-disciplined, and responsible little padded jacket.

Author | Coke Mama

I have heard a saying before that both boys and mothers are "five-fee personnel": laborious, mouthful, laborious, laborious, laborious, and expensive.

I feel the same way.

In my eyes, my son is like a monkey who has just jumped out of the crack in the stone:

One moment jumping up and down, the next squeaking and shouting.

Tell him to beat the dog, he to pick the chicken; Ask him about the gate building, and he answers the crotch shaft.

I once thought that in the face of the uninhibited and freedom-loving skin monkey, all my mother could only be helpless like me.

Until one time, when there was a temporary incident in the unit, I handed over my son to the neighbor and took it with me for most of the day.

Unexpectedly, by the time I took my son home, Goku had already become enlightened:

Not only did I finish my homework obediently, but I also previewed the new words and words for the next day.

Seeing that I was stunned, the neighbor smiled and said:

"We mothers often involuntarily look at boys' behavior from a female perspective, feeling that they are stubborn, naughty, and disobedient.

But in fact, men and women think very differently, and young boys often have their own growth trajectories.

So what we have to do is not to fight hard, but to use their thinking characteristics to guide them to become a better version of themselves. ”

Today, I will share the six major thoughts of boys with you, hoping that we can all get new ideas for raising children.

Competitive thinking

The book "Boys Think Differently" says: "For boys, competition is a growth-friendly behavior. ”

Previously, Central South University once had a "Xueba dormitory" that became popular on the Internet:

The boys from the four automation colleges won 26 discipline competition awards in four years.

Among them, there are 2 international competitions, 3 national and 5 provincial competitions.

And won nearly 200,000 yuan in scholarships.

Not only that, but the four older boys also obtained the qualification of full direct Bo as they agreed in their freshman year.

It is understood that initially, only one boy wanted to study for a PhD.

Under his influence, the other three gradually took Zhibo as their goal, and the four of them studied separately during the day, gathered together at night to discuss, and had a fixed time to answer questions every week.

Everyone chased me and finally met at the top.

The pursuit of excellence has long been ingrained in the boy's body and culture.

As parents, our job is to help boys better understand and meet the demands of this competition.

For example, encourage boys to join the team, or practice martial arts, karate, or play chess for boys who prefer quietness.

On weekdays, you can also use more phrases such as "let's compete and see who finishes this page of the book first/finishes homework/washes well".

In short, it is through such positive and competitive activities to stimulate the boy's inner energy as much as possible.

Let them gradually gain strength and become excellent in the process of playing and winning.

Rational thinking

Professor Eleanor of Stanford University found that, in general, girls are more "compassionate" than boys.

Also in the face of a peer injury, the girl will immediately stop all activities and focus on caring for the injured; The boy first makes an assessment of his companion's injuries.

If it doesn't affect the task at hand, the boys' first reaction is usually not concern or sympathy, but rather thinking about how to complete the task.

Only when the injuries are severe enough to continue the mission will the boys consider caring for their friends.

In this way, in front of sensual girls, natural boys sometimes seem too cold.

So, how do we carry out "empathy training" for boys?

At this time, the role of the mother is very important.

Zhong Nanshan once said:

"If I was influenced by my father in academic rigor, then my compassion for people was learned from my mother."

At that time, one of Zhong Nanshan's classmates was admitted to Peking University, but because of his poor family, he couldn't even afford to pay for the journey.

Zhong Nanshan told his mother about this, and although her mother was embarrassed, she still pooled 10 yuan (equivalent to 1,000 yuan now) and asked him to take it to his classmates.

How many years have passed, Zhong Nanshan still can't forget this precious lesson.

Therefore, the mother leads by example and shows the kind, selfless, caring side of others, so that the boy can learn to empathize and become a warm person.

Groupthink

In pedagogy, there is a truth that has been repeatedly tested:

Boys prefer to socialize in large groups, while girls prefer communication between two or three friends.

Boys have an innate strong desire for groups:

Here, not only can they relax, but being part of a group also makes them feel purposeful and empowered.

But at the same time, psychologists have also found that:

When with peers, boys often bite the bullet in order to gain recognition and integrate into the community.

According to the survey, "peer inducement" accounts for a large proportion of the causes of juvenile delinquency or drug use.

Therefore, parents must be the "first responsible person" for boys' friendships:

1. Simulate social scenarios with children to establish correct values

When children are young, parents can use picture books and animations to tell their children:

What kind of behavior is worthy of affirmation when with friends, what kind of behavior is uncivil... Let children have the ability to distinguish right from wrong in the subtle.

2. Pay attention to your child's friendship status and communicate in a timely manner

What should I do if I don't like my child's friends?

Tiger mother advises everyone not to interfere rudely, after all, for a boy who is born with a backbone, who he wants to play with, his parents can't stop him.

We can talk to the child to see what characteristics in the child's friends attract the child and meet the child's needs.

If possible, invite your child's friends to play or eat at home.

And discuss with the child about the phenomena you have observed to see if you can drive the progress of the child's friends or meet the child's needs in other ways.

Independent thinking

I once saw a discussion on the Internet: Does your son call you "mother" or "mother"?

The results found:

When boys were young, they were generally called "mother", but within a few years, the title of their mother became "mother", "old mother", and some children simply called them by their first names.

Although there is only a word difference from "mother" to "mother", it does make many old mothers shed tears.

However, psychologists tell us:

This is a very normal phenomenon.

As boys age, they become increasingly alienated and cold, which is the result of a combination of many factors.

But at this time, if the parents refuse to let go, or treat the boy as a small baby, the end result is that the child will never really grow into an adult.

Previously, I saw a piece of news:

A man in his thirties was driving and hit a delivery boy.

The little brother was seriously injured, lying on the ground with blood, and the electric car was also hit to the point that only a car reel remained.

But the man who caused the accident did not say to call the police or call the emergency number, but buried his head in his mother's shoulder and collapsed and cried, saying:

"I didn't mean it, let the police not arrest me..."

The man's mother also comforted her son throughout the process, patting her son's shoulder while coaxing the child to say "not afraid and not afraid of ha".

Even if we can't bear it, the little boy who once had only our eyes will one day grow into an adult who does not have to send each other, leaving our arms and embarking on a journey alone.

And what we have to do is, as one writer said:

"Watch him disappear at the end of the path from afar, tell yourself, don't chase."

Risk-taking thinking

It is no exaggeration to say:

Every boy's mother has a history of blood and tears, full of sons who caused trouble because of naughtiness, and the figure of herself apologizing to others in a low voice.

I can't help but wonder, after raising my son, is the waist used to bow and apologize?

Later, I found the answer in the book "Raising Boys":

It turns out that the biggest driving force in the boy's growth process comes from the testosterone secreted in his body.

Also because of the dominance of testosterone, boys are naturally keen to play and take risks.

In this regard, if adults only know to forbidden it, it will not only not make the boy's situation safer, but will limit their potential.

Just like in the movie "Nezha: The Demon Child Descends", because he was worried about the huge attack and destructive power on Nezha, his parents never allowed him to go out.

But the more forbidden he became, the more restless Nezha wanted to escape from his house and run into trouble everywhere.

It wasn't until the master let Nezha enter the world of the Mountain and River Society Jitu and allowed him to explore and play in it that Nezha gradually quieted down.

So, from now on, stop forbidding our boys to climb heights, climb trees, and fight.

After all, only by satisfying the boy's desire for adventure and exploration will he develop a strong sense of self-efficacy and learn to make good use of his strength.

Role model thinking

Education expert Li Meijin once said:

"Before the child is 6 years old, the object of attachment should be the mother.

And when children enter adolescence and go to society, they need more influence from their fathers. ”

This is especially true for boys.

In the classic movie "Perfect World", the protagonist is an 8-year-old boy who grew up in a single-parent family with only his sister and mother.

No adult male around him told him how a boy could become a man.

Therefore, he has a cowardly personality, and he does not dare to fight back when he is bullied.

Until inadvertently, the boy meets a fugitive who teaches him various "male survival guides" like a father:

The boy learned for the first time that when he couldn't find a toilet in the wild, he could just pee directly under the tree;

When others say that he is "too small", it is not true at all;

You don't have to live a decent life every day, but you can run wantonly, yell, play pranks ...

In this way, the boy gradually faded from inferiority and timidity, and became a brave and assertive person.

Many times, it is the quality of the father's company and the emotional concentration between father and son that determine whether the boy can smoothly transform into a man.

To make the boy's future better, dad must pay attention to the following:

(1) Before the boy is 6 years old, do not neglect the son on the grounds of "busy work", play and play with the boy more, and be his close friend;

(2) At the age of 6-12, lead by example, do more housework, and become a role model in the hearts of your son;

(3) During adolescence, give more encouragement and recognition to boys, keep the promises given to boys, and be a lubricant between sons, mothers, and teachers.

Writer Steve Vidalf said:

"Don't think that your little baby is still a child, just this boy, he will one day become a man with a sense of responsibility and mature charm.

This secret and dramatic change is happening in the more than ten years you have lived with. ”

Raising a boy is never easy.

Many times, we need to constantly learn and understand the way boys think, and then understand them better and deal with the problems that arise in their growth more calmly.

And these six typical ways of thinking will help you find the essence of the problem and add some ingenuity to education.

Over time, you will find that the once stubborn, mischievous, trouble-loving bad boy has become a warm, conscious, and measured man.

Give it a thumbs up and encourage more parents.