The most easily overlooked truth: when the mother is in a good mood, the family will be good

Author: Zihan's mother (parents read the author)

My friend told me that she slapped her son.

Just after the winter break, my son did not work well and often did not complete his homework in time.

That day, my friend came home after working overtime until 7 o'clock and found my husband looking at his mobile phone, his son drawing, and the dining table empty.

She was so angry that she didn't fight anywhere, scolded her husband, turned around and criticized her son, thinking that the child would consciously do his homework.

Unexpectedly, after cooking, she called her son to eat, and she found that there was drawing paper everywhere in the room, and her son was still drawing.

She instantly broke down emotionally and dragged her son and slapped him.

My friend also blamed himself and regretted it afterwards.

She said: "No matter what, I shouldn't lose my temper and hit people, I'm really not a good mother. ”

In fact, every time mothers after hitting their children, they know that they are wrong, and the children are still young and should not lose their temper.

But when the child is disobedient again, the anger comes up and cannot be controlled at all.

The volcanic eruption affected the pond fish, bearing the brunt of innocent children.

Those moms who are out of control

Saw a heartbreaking video.

A mother sat on the sofa and frantically slapped herself, over and over again, until her face was red and swollen.

It turned out that this mother took the two children alone that day. After sending Dabao to school, he coaxed Xiaobao to sleep, but Xiaobao kept making trouble and was unwilling to take a nap.

My mother originally wanted to do some housework when Xiaobao went to bed, but Xiaobao didn't cooperate at all.

Looking at the embarrassed living room, she became angry uncontrollably, yelling at him and hitting him.

But I also feel that a little baby who can't walk yet doesn't understand what obedience is.

After her mother calmed down, she felt very regretful, and she had nowhere to vent, she could only be angry with herself.

As the saying goes, hitting the child's body, the pain is in the mother's body.

No matter what reason the mother hits and scolds the child, she will definitely feel uncomfortable in her heart afterwards and regret her impulsiveness.

I once saw a heart-piercing topic on Zhihu:

"Do you think hitting and scolding children is a very outrageous behavior?"

This netizen's answer was highly praised:

"When I wasn't a mother, when I saw someone beating my child, I felt that the parent was sick. The child is a cute little angel, how willing to start.

But now that I am a mother, I know what empathy is.

When the child was more than two years old, I couldn't help but hit the child, because I was very angry if I didn't hit myself, I was angry when I hit the child, and I felt guilty after beating, it was like a neuropathy.

I feel how I have become the person I used to hate the most. ”

If you don't hit or scold, the anger in your heart can't be vented.

Scolded and beaten, guilt hesitated.

And the next time a similar situation occurs, I still can't help it.

In this countless pulls, moms become nervous and do not feel like themselves.

No mother wants to lose her temper and make a fuss, but the reality is that the body and mind are overloaded, forcing them to control their emotions.

Crushed the straw of the mothers

The book "Invisible Women" mentions:

Women do 75% of their unpaid work and spend about 3-6 hours a day on household chores.

In the family, women work as nurses, babysitters, cleaners, tutors, etc.

Not only that, but most women also need to go out to work to earn money and support their families.

It is necessary to look beautiful as a flower, take care of the family with a baby, and make money to support the family.

The burden on the mothers' shoulders is getting heavier and heavier, overwhelming them.

A mother in Hebei took her baby alone at home, because of tenosynovitis, menstrual period, housework, and the baby has been sticking to her, everything, so that she can't help but lose control of her emotions, stomp her feet, and shout.

Even if this one-year-old child basically can't understand, but the physical discomfort, heavy housework, baby's unconscious, lack of sleep, so that she is exhausted, and finally can only roar out, shout out, vent.

Ms. Deng from Tongling, Anhui Province, has been living with her in-laws, but family relations are strained because of her children's education.

That day, her son was unwilling to study, so Ms. Deng beat her son in front of her mother-in-law.

Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law became angry when she saw her grandson being beaten and quarreled with her daughter-in-law.

Faced with the child's resentment and the accusations of the elders, the emotional Ms. Deng picked up the knife on the table and stabbed herself 7 times.

In Jinhua, Zhejiang, in the living room, the two children cried and fussed.

A mother broke down emotionally, picked up a table and chair and slammed it on the ground, while an indifferent husband lying on the sofa next to him was concentrating on playing with his mobile phone.

Physical discomfort, the influence of the original family, the pressure of single mothers, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the indisputability of husbands, etc. make mothers exhausted and nervous breakdown.

There are always many people who like to put all the responsibility on their mothers, thinking that mothers are "grumpy", "poor tolerance", "poor adjustment ability", "others are so with babies, why do you have so many things?" ”

Sometimes, the incomprehension of relatives, the unsmooth life and work, the unbehaved children and many other mountains are pressed down, which may become a straw that crushes the emotional nerves of mothers.

The so-called water is full, overflowing, accumulating too much is like a volcanic eruption, nothing more.

A physically and mentally exhausted woman who can't even take care of herself, it is already difficult to give a little patience to her children.

The only way to get rid of the emotional vortex is to save yourself

The mother is superhuman and the one who bears the heaviest burden in family relationships, especially when it comes to raising children.

Most mothers in China think that by practicing the concept of parenting, they can educate their children well.

In fact, their own emotional stability and knowing how to love their mothers are the most solid role models for children.

Only if the mother is emotionally stable, the child is not in a hurry; Only when the mother is happy, the whole family is happy.

So how can moms avoid getting stuck in emotional "quagmire"?

1. Lower self-requirements and only be a 60-point mother.

Psychological counselor Zeng Qifeng, teacher once said: Mother does not need to perfect herself, it is already good to be able to score 60 points.

No one is perfect, please accept your imperfect self.

Being a mother can also occasionally make mistakes, occasionally be lazy, occasionally not make enough money, do not blame yourself excessively, just be your true self.

When you are real and relaxed, you will find that there are many possibilities in this world.

In addition to taking care of children and taking care of the family, mothers also have their own things to do and the values that should be realized, and when they conflict with parenting principles and family relationships, they follow their hearts to realize their due values.

Whose family doesn't fly and whose kids aren't mischievous? Where is there smooth sailing in life and work? Why do you demand perfection in everything, suffering your children and yourself.

Do your part and be a 60-point mother.

2. Improve self-awareness and timely adjustment.

When you see that the child is disobedient, the husband is not working, and the work is not going well, the mother will inevitably feel emotionally up, at this time, you may wish to avoid it first.

Ask yourself: How do you feel right now? Why anger?

Own reasons? Husband reason? Or is it a child reason? What are the serious implications? What are the judging criteria?

Social, someone else's or one's own opinion.

Is it right or wrong, and what should be done?

When it's cold, you'll find that things aren't that bad.

More reflection, more awareness, and more understanding of self-thoughts, in order to jump out of the emotional circle, let yourself brake in time, and deal with problems rationally.

3. Reduce the burden and seek help.

When you feel that you are tired and lack energy, you must do the burden reduction work in time.

For example, if you want to take a break on the weekend with your husband, can you let your husband or the elderly take the baby for half a day.

Those who have the conditions can seek the help of childcare institutions to return time and space to themselves.

When you have rested enough, you will greet your baby with the best spirit.

When you cultivate your spirit, you can accept the challenges of life with a full attitude.

Teacher Wu Zhihong once said:

"The child is the receiver of the parents' emotions, when the parents are upset, the child is immediately alert, when the parents are relaxed, the child immediately feels happy."

In other words, when a mother's life is happy, confident and optimistic, your child also has a healthy and happy life.

Learn to agree with yourself, recognize yourself, appreciate yourself, that imperfect but gentle and quiet mother, you will definitely reap the world's preference for you.

About author: Zihan's mother, Fushu columnist, one hand to write, the other hand with the baby, and children to grow up, article: parents read carefully, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, shall not be reprinted, infringement must be investigated, Fushu 2018 launched a new book "Good Life"