Dong Yuhui: "My mother just wants me to be a happy fool"

Author: Main creative group · Maki Qingye

I saw a video before, Dong Yuhui said that whenever he came home, his mother would say to him: "Son, I just want you to be a happy 'fool'." ”

At that time, when Dong Yuhui heard this answer, his heart was full of mustard, and he couldn't figure out why he wanted to be a happy "fool"?

Seeing that he was full of doubts, his mother only said: "Don't lose sleep, eat well, the cervical spine does not hurt." Mom wants you to be a happy 'fool'. ”

It wasn't until he recalled it years later that he really understood his mother's deep love for him.

Compared to success in the secular definition, in the eyes of his mother, he can be healthy, happy, and live easily, more than anything else.

His mother's expectations for him back then have also become his attitude and spiritual pillar in life when he has faced difficulties and setbacks many times when he grew up.

Psychologist Virginia Satya once said: "Children are miniatures of family education." ”

The three views and life attitude that parents give their children will become what their children will look like in the future.

The biggest help in a child's life has never come from the addition of external conditions, but from what kind of "seeds" their parents have planted in them during their growth years.

Grades are never the only measure of a child

I recently saw a video in which an education practitioner said in an interview that she had met a child who made her particularly distressed.

This child said that he couldn't understand why he had worked hard, but his grades were still only 15 points, and he felt that his life was meaningless.

Continue to chat deeply to know that it turns out that this child has been locked up at home by his mother since the first and second grades, and he can't go anywhere, only staying at home to write homework.

Since he was a child, his mother told him to get a high score, but he didn't know why he got a high score? He feels that the only meaning of a good score is to please his parents, because if the score is not good, his mother will not love him, and only a good score can be exchanged for his mother's love.

He thinks it's a deal, and a good score proves that he has value in his mother's heart.

There is a saying, "The feeling of success comes from within, not by external standards." ”

Each child has their own set of intrinsic values, and when parents set them the criteria for success, they define the child's possibilities.

In the TV series "Little Parting", there is an equally suffocating scene.

Because her daughter Fang Duoduo suddenly learned the news that her classmates were going abroad, her mood was affected and her performance in the exam was abnormal.

After seeing the exam papers, Duoduo's mother sat down and began to ask machine-gun geology:

"Where are you wrong?"

"It's something that has never happened before."

"I don't believe it's your grade."

"I don't care what happens to you, no one can affect your grades!"

"Give you the opportunity to make up for it, and next time you must score more than 90 points."

"I don't care, data is everything."

In order to make up for the grades, she set a plan for her daughter, and after a 5-minute break after a roll, she continued to the next one, and saw that her daughter was so sleepy that she couldn't open her eyes, she said:

"After you reach the limit, grit your teeth, and then persist, and then to the limit, and then grit your teeth, and then persist..."

My daughter couldn't stay up and could fall asleep on the table while eating at her grandparents' house. But Duoduo's mother has not yet realized her problem, but complains that the child does not do what she asks, crying that she is doing all this for the good of the child.

Until the daughter hysterically complained: "You only respect grades, and I am just a score machine in your eyes." "She was only fully awake.

In another video, there is another mother who deals with the same problem, which is worth learning.

Also when seeing her son's report card with only 60 points, the mother was also ready to explode at first.

But at the moment of the emotional outburst, she suddenly remembered that late at night she saw the scene of her son working hard, even if he was sleepy, the child was burying his head in his efforts.

The mother tried to calm her emotions, then clipped her son his favorite dish and encouraged him: "Son, you did a great job!" ”

She affirmed the child's efforts with actions and told the children with actions: whether or not hard work is the most important thing than achievements.

The same problem, different approach, different results.

In fact, the growth process of children is a process of constantly encountering various problems.

In the face of all kinds of accidents, the attitude of parents affects the attitude of children.

You are anxious and out of control, and he can only use rebellion to confront you;

You encourage, affirm, emotionally stable, and he will learn how you cope, to deal with his mistakes and surprises.

Don't expect a child to have better ability to handle stress and anxiety than you do.

When children have problems, what we really need is not to pass on anxiety to them, but to guide them on how to find the best solution based on the situation.

What you pass on to him, what he gives you back.

Good grades do not determine everything about a child.

On the contrary, parents' attitude to life, ways of facing setbacks and stress, behaviors, habits of thinking ... These are the keys to influencing children's development.

A child's life has long been branded by his parents

Some time ago, I talked to my friends about children's interests and specialties.

I jokingly said that my daughter has short arms and legs, no talent for dancing, incomplete five tones and is not suitable for singing, and painting and sports are mediocre.

But it is such a daughter who seems to have nothing to offer, but her sense of language is not bad.

I remember when she was less than five years old, she once saw the fierce wind outside and the rainstorm was coming, and suddenly a sentence appeared: "The geese fly high, the rain is low." ”

Although the semantic meaning is not very clear, it has at least a little bit of rhyme.

And all this stems from the fact that I taught her to read and memorize poems when she was a child. A little accumulation at the beginning was able to bloom a young "flower" soon after.

Children's lives are constantly shaped and changed in the concept of accepting and adapting to the world, but only the imprint and accumulation of details on them by parents will always be preserved.

In the second generation of rich, Dong Mingzhu's son Dongdong can attract admiration every time he is mentioned.

Although his mother has already laid a foundation for him, as long as he does not squander it too much, he can basically make his life worry-free. But he remains humble and low-key, hardworking and hardworking.

When his mother threw him Gree's olive branch, he refused without hesitation. He said that he had his own ideals and pursuits, and even hoped that his mother would not take the initiative to mention him to the media, because he did not want to bear the aura of "Dong Mingzhu's son".

And all this stemmed from his mother's influence on him: "My mother started from scratch, I am her son, and I can start from scratch." ”

The way the mother once struggled has become a template for today's children's struggle.

Yu Minhong once said in an interview that when he was studying, his mother did not return home covered in mud until late at night in order to help him find a tutoring place.

He said that when he saw his mother's embarrassment, he felt that he had to study hard.

When I first saw this content, I had a simple understanding that Yu Minhong felt distressed by his mother's dedication, so he wanted to study hard to repay his mother.

It was not until many years later, when I saw Yu Minhong mention this story in the video again, that I understood that the teenager Yu Minhong at that time, in addition to feeling sorry for his mother, saw the tenacity and not giving up from his mother, as well as the attitude of working hard to get something done.

How children face the world is not exactly what their parents look like, nor does it grow up as their parents expect.

Instead, after imitating their parents, they finally found a set of self-consistent growth rules on the road of self-exploration.

Just like Dong Yuhui's mother hopes that he is happy, simple, healthy and happy, his mother's expectations for Dong Yuhui are also imprinted into his life. So he will say in the live broadcast that if he has a child in the future, success will not be the first key to his child's life, but hopes that he can:

Have a healthy body and be free from the torment of disease;

Have the correct three views, always be clear;

Have the ability to feel happiness and not to waste your life;

Have a stable emotional state, do not torture yourself, do not torture those around you.

In the three views of parents, the child's appearance in 20 years is hidden

There is a hot topic on Zhihu: "How much influence do parents have on their children's three views?" ”

Someone replied, "One day, when they leave, no matter what I face alone, they will still be the strength in my heart." ”

When actor Da Zhang Wei was studying, he wanted to play piano and rock like those on the stage, and teachers and other parents thought he was crazy, but his mother supported him without hesitation.

For a while, he watched people on stage wearing ripped pants and thought they were very cool, and the next day his mother sewed him a pair of identical pants.

Although his mother's consciousness did not understand these new things that her son liked, she still chose to support them.

The mother's quote, "I don't want my son to be who I want him to be, but to be himself." "has always supported Da Zhang Wei on the road of music.

It can be said that it was his mother's unconditional support that gave him the motivation to move forward in the rest of his life.

"The Awakening of Parents" writes:

"The meaning of the existence of parents is not to give children a comfortable and rich life, but when you think of your parents, your heart will be full of strength, you will feel warmth, so that you will have the courage and ability to overcome difficulties, and therefore get real fun and freedom in life."

The best way to raise children is to let your three views become their spiritual guide.

As the saying goes: "We must realize that we are not cultivating a miniature version of ourselves, but shaping a soul with independent characteristics." ”

Every excellent child has a parent behind him who strives to improve himself.

Perhaps our children will not necessarily become an earth-shattering big person, but as parents, we can guide them to live a happy, optimistic, healthy, positive and meaningful life through continuous learning and improvement.