Debater Zhan Qingyun said that "Mother is Superman" is not a compliment, but an emphasis on and deification of the instinct of maternal love, more often, a moral kidnapping of motherhood, a burden that overwhelms mother breathlessly.
The logic behind "Mom is Superman" is that Superman can do everything, and as a mother, he should also be omnipotent.
If you can't do it, you are not worthy to be a mother, and you should accept the accusations of your family and society.
Image source: Panorama Vision
I saw a set of survey data: more than 55.8% of families believe that mothers are the main force of child-rearing, while only 12.6% of families believe that fathers accompany them more.
For this phenomenon of "widowed parenting", Li Meijin, a professor at China Public Security University, said: "If the father is absent from the child's growth for a long time, then the harm it is likely to cause to the child is irreversible." ”
I don't know when it began, the father of this era fell behind on the road of "taking the baby" and became invisible.
How terrible is "widowed parenting"
The Douban rated 7.7 movie Tully ("Tully"),tells the story of the heroine Marlowe who gave up her job for the family, became a mother of two children, and became pregnant with a third child.
Stills from "Tully" Image source: Douban
During the rare break, she met her former friend in the café, who was surprised to see her face facing the sky, out of shape, and exhausted.
After giving birth to three babies, Marlowe himself with a tired body, feeding and changing diapers for the babies again and again, and a complete rest became a luxury.
Stills from "Tully" Image source: Douban
What's worse is that she also needs to endure the pain of swollen milk while carrying the newborn baby to her eldest son's school to solve the problem.
On the other hand, her husband Drew, who is responsible for earning money to support his family, leaves a good morning kiss every day and goes out, comes back at night to tease the baby, and then puts on headphones and plays online games in bed.
Marlowe, who has lived in a repressive environment for a long time, suffers from terrible postpartum depression and has a split personality.
Late at night, he becomes the former 26-year-old self, which is the night nanny Tully that Marlow fantasizes about hiring in the movie.
With a fiery body and a gentle personality, Tully keeps the messy family in order.
With her help, Marlowe's life is gradually starting to get on the right track.
After a car accident, she woke up to find that it was NanKe's dream.
Netizens said that the heroine Marlowe actually has no split personality, Tully is just an outlet that she has always longed to have, but she can't change the pressure of reality.
Stills from "Tully" Image source: Douban
One person with a baby, postpartum depression, split personality, more terrifying than the movie is the reality.
Statistics from the Chinese Association of Psychiatrists show that mainland women have depressed mood, pessimism, despair, irritability and other depressive symptoms after childbirth, with a proportion of up to 50%-70%, of which about 10%-15% develop postpartum depression.
China Women's Daily once reported that a second-born mother died suddenly during confinement and cried to her husband for help before she died.
In the memo on her mobile phone, there is such a paragraph: "Every small request, in exchange for endless accusations and ridicule, you say that I am 'sick' all day, every time I am unhappy, I press in my heart." ”
How many times I asked for help, I only exchanged it for a sentence of "temperament, many things", and finally turned into silence.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Knowing that, a mother was alone at home with a baby, so angry that she wanted to drop the bottle and rushed to the hot list.
There are many netizens who sigh that those who crush mothers are not necessarily a big deal, but a small thing, a little bit of emotional backlog, one day will be exchanged for volcanic eruptions.
The meaning of family is to help each other in the same boat and support each other.
But why have countless families become a lone soldier?
Mom is not Superman
Actor Yi Nengjing, at the age of 48, ventured to give birth to her daughter Xiao Mi grain.
When recording the program, Yi Nengjing took her daughter alone, pulled 240 pounds of luggage, and traveled thousands of miles to her husband Qin Hao's side.
But the baby can't recognize who is the father.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Yi Nengjing's eyes were swollen badly, and he had to cook for them, and he wanted to ask her husband for attention, but he was greeted with a lukewarm answer from Qin Hao: "I haven't heard that anyone has been bitten by a mosquito and has a life problem!" ”
Yi Nengjing went to the hospital alone to see a doctor, and Qin Hao said a moment before closing the door: "Come back early to take the child." ”
Qin Hao, who stayed at home, put his daughter aside and only cared about playing mobile phones and games by himself. Qin Hao said, "My ability is there, I have done everything I should do, and I can only give her so much love now." ”
Yi Nengjing cried out in the taxi, saying she had "lasted a long time."
No matter how much you do, but you are not seen and understood, it is a long thorn that reaches the most vulnerable place in your mother's heart.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Luo Jing, a doctor of psychology, said: "Dad's absence can easily cause a backlog of negative emotions for mom. ”
In Mom's world, there was never the word "easy."
This is true of celebrity families, and it is even more true of families of the general public.
In "Super Nurseryman", a full-time mother is at home doing handicrafts with her children, but she is very impatient and says to her children: "It is so painful to accompany you to do handicrafts..." When the mother almost broke the handicrafts, the child's emotions also broke out.
When Dad came home from work, Mom frequently threw fires at him. As a result, the two sides quarreled and accused each other of all kinds of wrongs.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Under the guidance of the nursery teacher, mom and dad each spoke their minds, and mom thought she was too wronged. The effort put in is not seen, and everything done for this home is not understood.
Dad said with shame that he did not bring happiness to his mother, she ran the house alone, accompanied by children, it was very hard.
After hearing Dad's words, my mother felt that her efforts were understood and seen, and all the resentment began to dissipate.
Behind these sharp emotions of complaining and accusing, there is a desire to be understood.
Mom is not superhuman, but for the sake of the family, she has paid for the strength beyond her own limits, and mom also needs the input of love and understanding.
Raising children is a collaboration between parents
Huang Lei and Sun Li are a model couple in the entertainment industry, and their eldest daughter Duoduo has been educated very well by the couple.
Huang Lei said that he has always insisted on bringing his own children, although he is busy with work, as long as he shoots in or around Beijing, he never eats in the crew, and must go home to cook for his wife and children.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Huang Lei usually likes to read books, and also requires more to develop the habit of reading. Every day after getting up and before going to bed at night, Dodo would hold a book and read it.
Sun Li is a person who loves fitness, a person in her 40s, and manages her body like a 20-year-old girl. Toto worked out with his mother almost every day.
It is said that the father's love is like a mountain, the mother's love is like water, and the child is like a small sapling. In the process of growing up, children need both the father's "shelter from the wind and rain" and the mother's "careful irrigation".
Image source: Panorama Vision
Zhang Ailing said: "The love and companionship of parents determine the path of children for 50 years. ”
The National Survey on the State of Family Education (2018) shows that the "parents" are the most admired role models for students.
Parents have the greatest influence on their children, which is the reason for emphasizing "family style".
Wu Yishu, who became popular throughout the Internet through the "Chinese Poetry Conference" in the early years, has been naughty and playful since she was a child, and her grades are often at the bottom.
His father was a lawyer, and he was always attentive to Wu Yishu's education.
Although he is usually busy at work, he can't move every day, so he turns off his mobile phone at 4:30 p.m. and concentrates on accompanying his daughter to study.
In order to cultivate her reading habits, her parents read books by themselves and interacted with her in poetry.
Under the influence of her parents, Wu Yishu slowly fell in love with reading and poetry.
During the competition, she cut through thorns and thorns all the way, and finally became the champion of the "Chinese Poetry Conference".
In the 2019 college entrance examination, he was admitted to Tsinghua University with a good score of 613 points.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Psychologist Gerdy said: "The appearance of the father is a unique existence, which has a special power to cultivate children. ”
Parents are indispensable in raising their children.
Without the involvement of the father, the most important guide in life is missing.
With the active participation of the father, when the child grows up, the vision and insight will be broader, and the pattern of life will be greater.
The best state of family education is to make every father a hero admired by the child; let every mother become an idol worshipped by the child!
Psychologist Hu Shenzhi said: "The best family structure is three-element, that is, father, mother and child." ”
Once there is only duality, such as the child and the mother are glued tightly, and the father is marginalized, then the child grows up in such an environment, and it is difficult to find a relatively balanced state.
The best way to educate children is for parents to grow up with their children.