Don't persuade children to share, children who know how to refuse will be higher in "social quotient", and their popularity will not be worse

Author: Easter Egg Daddy

When Easter Egg was only about 3 years old, we took him to a relative's house, out of town.

The Easter egg father and relatives were discussing things in the study, when suddenly there were earth-shattering roars, reprimands, and cries outside. We hurried out to see, only to find that the 6-year-old son of the relative's family was mad.

After inquiring, I learned that it was the Easter egg who saw his brother's Ultraman toy and liked it, and wanted to play with it. The brother was reluctant, and the brother said, "Except for ultraman in this piece, you can play with other toys." ”

However, the Easter egg is not dependent, the brother's mother is a little angry, thinking that the son is too stingy, the younger brother after all, the old man rushed over, how can not even share a toy.

When Grandma saw that The Easter egg was very eager to play, she also advised her brother: "Just lend it to my brother to play for a while, and Grandma will buy you a new one next time!" The brother still did not agree, and his mother reprimanded him from the side, and the brother roared angrily.

At this time, just as we were going out, I saw my brother's eyes, full of anger and sadness.

01 How do adults who don't know how to refuse live?

If the child does not want to, why can't he refuse?

Then parents may wish to see what an adult who does not know how to refuse has become.

Speaking of a very common reality in the workplace.

An easter egg father stayed in a unit before, a new little girl came, after coming to the company, she was very diligent, cleaning, serving tea and pouring water, copying materials and the like, she did very diligently.

Gradually, people began to ask her for help with the work. It can be seen that the girl agreed a little reluctantly, but did not refuse. As a result, more and more people are looking for girls, and the company that originally did not need to work overtime actually needed to work overtime.

In the TV series, most of such girls will be found by the boss, or saved by the male protagonist.

But in real life, this girl's job was not completed well, and she was reprimanded by the leader;

She works overtime every day to help other colleagues complete the work, can't help but complain a few words, passed to the ears of colleagues, everyone thinks that she has a set of back sets in front of her, and the company's popularity is extremely poor;

Later, once the work done for a colleague was a project that she was not familiar with, and there was a need to do it wrong, resulting in a major mistake in the project, and she became the main responsibility and was fired.

What did this girl, an adult who wouldn't refuse, gain?

To her, she gained contempt, disrespect, and insincerity.

For herself, she gained unpleasant, unfinished work, and unemployment.

An adult who won't refuse, lives really tired. Psychologically speaking, they belong to the "flattering personality", and the reason why they are flattered is also due to the inferiority in their bones, and their psychology is very fragile.

The root of their "flattery" is that they have three ideas:

First, I am weak and I need to please others not to allow myself to be abandoned;

Second, I have to cater to others, others will like me;

Third, I don't deserve to put forward my own ideas and needs.

They don't know how to say "no", in interpersonal relationships, they can't be themselves, they will always suppress their true thoughts, and they don't dare or refuse others.

Such a repressive personality will make them continue to live unhappily. Some people may be unhappy for a lifetime, while some people will vent this unhappiness on people or animals that they feel weaker than themselves, such as parents, wives, pets, children, and so on.

02 Children who will refuse, social quotient will be higher

Children who know how to "refuse" will understand "rejection".

Why?

The neighbor has a child who is praised by others, because this child especially knows how to share, even if it is something he likes and does not want. Once, at another neighbor's house, she took a doll and was accused of being a "thief."

After being reprimanded by her mother, the little girl said innocently: I also shared several dolls and other toys for her, I took one of her dolls, what happened?

Mom said, "You have to get someone else's permission before you can take it." ”

The girl said, "When I don't want to share, you make me have to share?" ”

Little her, at first adults praised her for her love of sharing, and she would laugh. Now that others were praising her, her eyes were without light.

Now that people's self-awareness has awakened, we are all teaching our children to learn to respect themselves first, not to go against their own wishes and wills.

It's just that children can't learn to respect themselves, so why learn to respect others?

Children who know how to "refuse" are actually understanding their own boundaries, and will guard their own boundaries, from my respect. Such a child can understand that others also have boundaries, and they can also reject themselves, and children naturally learn to respect others.

Such a child, not only will not be poorly popular, but he will be able to get along with his friends in harmony because he has a measure in everything, and there will be more small partners who are willing to play with him.

Therefore, children who understand rejection will have higher social quotients.

03 "Child, if you are not willing to do something, you can reject others"

We are not saviors, so why can't children learn to refuse?

Bi Shumin said: "Rejection is a right, just like survival is a right. ”

The contradiction between the Easter egg and the brother has a follow-up.

Seeing that my brother was so angry, I went up to my brother and said, "You did the right thing, what you don't want to share, you made it clear, you are not wrong, this is your thing, my brother cried and made trouble, and he could not move." ”

Turning my head, I also said to the Easter egg: "Easter egg, this is my brother's thing, he is not willing to share, let's go play with the other toys that my brother shared with you..."

Explain the rules clearly, divert attention, in fact, the child is not so difficult to accept. The brother quickly and happily took the Easter eggs and played other games.

Sharing, this is sharing happiness. If sharing becomes unhappy, then it becomes meaningless.

Forcing children to share is also taking away the joy of children's sharing. Children will feel: they must share, others are willing to play with me, parents will like me, I am not worthy of my own decision!

The flattering personality gradually formed, and the inferiority complex also began.

After the formation of the flattering personality, it is very difficult to change, it will slowly engrave the inferiority in the child's bones. Therefore, what parents have to do is to take advantage of the fact that the child has not yet begun to have low self-esteem, and quickly let the child learn to refuse.

In the adult world, there are many ways to refuse, such as joking rejection, giving each other a top hat and so on.

But in the child's world, rejection is really too simple, just let the child tell his "true feelings".

For example: This is my favorite toy, and I can't play with it myself, so I don't want to share it. However, I can share my other toy...

Let the child convince others with sincerity, respect themselves with rejection, respect others with rejection, and worry that the child's "social quotient" will not be high?

So parents, will you still force your children to share?