If there is a mirror that allows us to glimpse different family relationships and the growth of other children, will we see the shadow of our own family, the problems of our own children?
And then, in the slow observation and introspection of understanding, to obtain different thinking and insight?
Today, I finally found this magical "mirror" -
1.
Give me a child,
I could guess what he looked like before he was 6 years old.
The Happy Twist team has an unforgettable skit called "Grab the Seat".
I think many people have seen it.
In the sketch, Shen Teng plays the father of a salesman.
When the parent-teacher conference was held, he ran to his son's class, fought with a group of old fathers and mothers, and grabbed the "feng shui treasure land" for the child, thinking that the child now occupies a good seat and will have a good future in the future.
Sketch "Placeholder"
After a series of sword and light sword shadows, Shen Teng received a call from his teacher:
His children's class would start early.
It was he who went to the wrong class.
As a father, he didn't even know that his child was in the third grade.
The father played by Shen Teng went to the wrong class
In an extremely exaggerated and funny way, the sketch makes China's 430 million families face such a common problem with tears and laughter:
In the tutoring, Dad is often absent.
Li Meijin, a teacher who studies the psychological problems of adolescents, after tracking the growth footprints of many children, elaborated on this point of view:
Give me a kid and I can guess what he looked like before he was 6 years old.
Before the age of 6, that is, in kindergarten, if the child does not live with his parents, he is raised by his grandparents (grandparents) or someone else.
When this child grows up, regardless of whether he has excellent grades or not, his personality is introverted and outward-looking, and there is a wall between him and his parents.
When his parents missed his childhood, it was difficult to get into his heart.
If, before the age of 6, the child was brought up by the parents, the parents gave the companionship of leniency and severity, the criticism should be criticized, and the encouragement should be encouraged.
Then, after this child enters puberty, even if he rebels, he will most likely not go to extremes.
With an intimate and strong link between parents and children, the child's resilience will be strong.
Every dad is a superman in the child's heart
However, in the middle of this, there is another hidden and universal phenomenon that needs to be vigilant:
That is, the child grows up with the parents, but the mother is widowed parenting, and the father lives like a shadow in the child's imagination.
Such children, because they lack the exemplary power of a strong male image in their growth, are also prone to inferiority and vulnerability when they encounter difficulties.
Therefore, in the growth of children, dad is not an indispensable existence at all, but a crucial person.
How important is it?
Until these days, I chased a parent-child variety show continuously, and I watched it with tears and couldn't cry.
Just like seeing a big mirror, from the scene reflected by the bright dangling, when you find the different father-son relationships of different families and the different effects on different children, the head is like being opened, and the case exclaims:
How many fathers don't understand their children at all!
2.
The older brother always beats the younger brother,
The culprit behind it turned out to be Dad.
In the variety show, there is a little boy named Lu Yichen.
Lu Yichen was born in a typical two-child family.
He is the eldest, only 3 years old this year, and has a younger brother who is 1 year younger than him.
Usually at home, it is the mother who takes Lu Yichen, the father who takes the younger brother, and the parents who manage the brothers separately.
This time, the dad who brought his two sons to the show complained:
Lu Yichen always beat his brother, and even harbored a strong hatred and hatred for his brother, and did not look like an older brother at all.
This is far from the harmonious picture of the "brotherhood" expected by the second-child family.
After a conflict with his brother, Lu Yichen looked arrogant
Curious, I watched all the way.
When he saw his father take Lu Yichen to play with his brother, he gradually understood the root of the problem:
When the brothers were together, Dad's eyes were always focused on his brother, and he always reminded Lu Yichen:
"Don't bump into your brother!"
"Lu Yichen, don't push your brother!"
"Lu Yichen, what are you doing?"
"Lu Yichen, do you know it's wrong?" You and your brother say sorry! ”
Excessive reminders, which are hints and emphatics, are distrust and verbal abuse.
Dad always accuses Lu Yichen like this, and it is strange that the little guy is not rebellious!
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Click on the video below to see where Dad went wrong
Dad not only always blamed Lu Yichen, but also forced him to share toys and boiling water with his brother.
Three- and four-year-old children already have a clear sense of "property rights", plus their father always protects their younger brothers, And Lu Yichen naturally does not agree.
At this time, the strong younger brother who had the support of his father actually started to grab up with Lu Yichen, and the brothers and brothers instantly twisted together.
Finally, Lu Yichen cried bitterly and said angrily:
"I don't want my brother anymore!" Send your brother away! ”
Does Lu Yichen really hate her brother?
No!
There is a link in the show, which is "Rescue Daddy".
In a room covered with safety cushions, an exhaust bag climbing pile was placed from low to high.
The program team set up a scene test, put the photo of Lu Yichen's father into a bottle, and told Lu Yichen that his father was locked in the bottle by the magic beast.
To rescue Dad, he must climb to the top of the balloon pillar and remove a bottle of magic water before Dad can be rescued.
After Lu Yichen entered the room alone, he cried out, "I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid."
After he ran out of the room crying, he crouched in the doorway and cried.
Frightened, Lu Yichen wanted to escape
But thinking that he had not yet rescued his father, he returned to the house again and bravely climbed up step by step:
"I'm going to save Daddy!" I love Dad the most! ”
Xiao Yichen returns to save her father
Across the screen, I can feel the child's inner fear and uneasiness, and he is unwilling to give up the ambivalence of rescuing his father.
He climbed to the top with trepidation, but he did not dare to stand up, and he could not reach the magic water.
He wanted to save his father very much, but he couldn't do it himself, and couldn't help but collapse and cry, and panickedly hugged the air bag pillar:
"Daddy, Daddy, come and protect me!" I don't want to be brave! ”
Xiao Yichen failed in fear
After hearing his son's plea for help, the father in the next room rushed in and took Xiao Yichen in his arms.
Father and son hugged and cried
Later, with the encouragement and companionship of her father, Xiao Yichen became bold, climbed the air sac pillar again, came to the highest point, and bravely got the magic bottle.
The moment I got the magic bottle, Xiao Yichen said two words, which made me burst into tears in an instant.
The first sentence is:
"Daddy, you're not allowed to go alone!"
Dad, you're not allowed to go alone
This sentence reflects that in Xiao Yichen's subconscious, he is here and now, so afraid of his father leaving him.
It also reflects that in the past years, the father who had a second child neglected his eldest son Yichen because of excessive attention to the second treasure.
The second sentence is:
"I'm going to save my brother!"
Look, this 3-year-old boy, in a critical moment, the two people in his heart are always ignoring his father and his brother who always robs him.
How much he must have loved them, only in such a dangerous situation, the first time he thought of them.
After experiencing this scene, Dad shed tears of shame:
It turned out that for a long time, Xiao Yichen had only awakened his father's attention and found his father's love and care through the way of "disobedience, ignorance, and always beating his brother".
However, when he was young, he did not know how to express it, and his father had not read him before.
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