Author 丨 Zhou Gongzi
It is said that giving birth to a big treasure is to give birth to a "broken money machine", and giving birth to a second treasure is to give birth to a "gold-devouring beast". When a couple starts having children, how does their lives change?
Recently, there is a popular story in the parenting circle, which is that a couple has become tight since they raised two treasures: the original never kept accounts, and now every sum must be calculated clearly; the original brand-name clothes want to buy, and now they have to wait for discounts to dare to buy; the original consumption in high-end supermarkets never looks at the price, and now they have to weigh and weigh before they dare to throw them into the shopping cart... A series of "tragic situations" were summarized by netizens in 4 words: consumption downgrade.
Of course, some people are dismissive, saying: "I would rather not be born than let my consumption be downgraded." "If my quality of life is reduced, will the child be in better shape?" In the comment area, this voice also received a lot of likes.
For many people, having children is almost a necessary part of life. As a parent, certain sacrifices are also inevitable. So, how many people will "consume downgrades" for their children, and how many people will not? What are their respective reasons?
To figure this out, Marriage & Family magazine launched a survey on major new media platforms – will you downgrade consumption for the sake of your children? Of the 2149 valid questionnaires that were recovered, 68 percent said "yes" and 32 percent said "no."
It sounds like everyone's willingness to sacrifice is still quite high. Interestingly, 72% of those who said "yes" added a footnote like this: "Actually, I had to." "So why is there such a turn? Let's take a look.
Why do you downgrade your spending for your kids?
A. The basic cost of raising a baby is too large, and I have to reduce other consumption. 72%
B. I am not so accommodating to others, but the child is my own heart, and to satisfy him is to satisfy me. 24%
C. Not just children, but whenever others have needs, I will do everything I can to meet each other. 3%
D. Everyone else is like this, so am I. 1%
From the results, we can see that the reason why most people will downgrade their children's consumption is completely out of helplessness (A. The basic cost of raising a baby is too large, and I have to reduce other consumption), because it is more and more expensive to raise children now.
Earlier, there was a "top ten city parenting cost ranking" circulating on the Internet, revealing how much it costs to graduate from pregnancy to the child's college. Among them, the cost of Beijing is 2.76 million yuan, Shanghai 2.47 million yuan, Shenzhen 2.16 million yuan, Guangzhou 2.01 million yuan. On average, in 24 years, it will cost 80,000 to 90,000 to 100,000 per year. Moreover, this list has been popular for several years, and now the cost will only be higher, and the burden on ordinary people will be greater. It's no wonder that 72% of people choose "will", but to emphasize that they "have to go down".
B (I am not so accommodating to others, but the child is my own heart, satisfying him is satisfying me) ranked second, accounting for 24%. From a psychological point of view, such parents seem to be sacrificing for their children, but in fact they have also received "alternative compensation". Because children are important to them, they also experience themselves as children in a way - "to satisfy the child is to satisfy me", which is a state of role substitution. Therefore, these parents will also get great happiness in their efforts.
There are not many people who choose C (not just children, but whenever others have needs, I will do everything to meet each other's needs), only 3%. In a way, this psychology is a little unhealthy. The person will not only do everything to satisfy the child, but also everything to satisfy others. This gesture of dedication of burning oneself to illuminate others, once overdone, will become a flattering personality and will make oneself very tired.
D (others are like this, so so am I) accounted for 1%, people who choose this option are more inclined to have a dependent personality, everything depends on others, what others do, what they do, a look of no opinion. However, parenthood often requires assertiveness, and only in this way can we nurture a healthy child.
Why don't you downgrade for the sake of your child's consumption?
A. If my quality of life is reduced, will my status not be affected? How can you bring a good child with a poor state? 20%
B. Money is not saved, and I'd rather work hard to make money than spend less. 27%
C. If consumption is downgraded, it is also for the whole family, not just for the children. 41%
D. I'd rather not have children or less. 12%
Traditional views emphasize parental devotion, so when one says "no downgrading for the sake of children's consumption," one might be considered selfish. But from a modern point of view, these statements actually make sense and have positive implications for maintaining family balance.
For example, the largest proportion of C (if the consumption is downgraded, it is also for the whole family, not only for the children), it shows that 41% of people pay the most attention to "fairness" when facing a major decision such as "consumption downgrade".
When the family economy is in difficulty, their first thought is "sharing the difficulties", and they must let all members face them together, rather than simply expecting the elders to make sacrifices to complete the children. This concept of fairness can maintain family unity in difficult times, and it is also more conducive to children cultivating a sense of community from an early age and learning to consider others when things happen.
B (money is not saved, I would rather work hard to make money than reduce consumption) is also a popular option, accounting for 27%. It highlights a positive attitude towards life, when encountering a shortage of funds, choose "open source", rather than blindly "throttling", and find ways to maintain the level of consumption without downgrading, which requires ability and courage. This style of facing difficulties and soldiers will not only set a good example for children, but also make their life path wider and wider.
A (My quality of life is reduced, will my status not be affected?) How can you bring a good child with a poor state? 20% is not in the minority. This means that many people realize that the far-reaching impact of lower consumption standards is not only "eating less and wearing a little worse", but also more likely to affect the overall state of a family. However, the respondents who chose this item are often only opposed, and they have not considered more about the solution.
D (I'd rather not have children or have fewer children) accounted for 12%, although not much, but also showed a trend. Official data show that in 2020, Japan's newborn population decreased by 2.9% year-on-year, hitting a record low for five consecutive years; the number of newborns in South Korea fell by 10%, showing negative population growth for the first time; France is experiencing a trough in population birth in 45 years; after the first epidemic lockdown in the United States, the birth rate fell by 7% after nine months...
Experts believe that most developed economies are entering a new fertility trough, although there are many reasons, but the high cost of fertility, economic uncertainty and people's pursuit of quality of life have become an important weight in influencing decisions.
The above is the survey result of "Will you downgrade consumption for the sake of your children". From this, we can see that most people do not want to downgrade for the sake of children's consumption, and even those who answer "yes", most of them are limited by various practical factors. Parents' long-term suppression of their own desires to complete their children will not only greatly affect their own satisfaction with life, but also have a lot of adverse effects on their children.
Therefore, as a parent, "learning to satisfy yourself" is a compulsory course for happiness. Even if the work is busy and the children are tired, we should still find ways to develop more means to "please ourselves". For example, you can no longer travel and vacation as often as you did when you were in the world, but you can buy yourself a beloved lipstick; allow temporary children to be cared for by elders, go to a favorite party, and so on.
Only by learning to draw energy from the satisfaction of bit by bit can we achieve a new balance under the pressure of "consumption downgrade" and find our own growth point in life.
Source: Marriage and Family Magazine