Author:Ai Wen (Emotional Self-Media Person)
Many truths are actually very simple, but it is difficult to "know and do" simple truths.
Why do we need a relationship?
The answer is actually very simple, because this relationship can give us happiness, happiness, bring us a good experience; people who have had emotional experiences understand that the feeling of thinking about twilight, that feeling of not seeing each other for a day is really beautiful...
However, if a relationship brings us only pain, torture, and suffering, you find that many people do not choose to let go and let go, but choose to constantly consume themselves in this relationship.
This is "knowing" but "not being able to do" - a bad emotional relationship, a hundred harms to yourself and no benefit, but you just can't break it, can't do without it, and let it torture you.
Why is that?
On the one hand, it is probably because of the previous investment, so you are reluctant and unwilling; you do not want your former efforts to disappear invisibly and have no "return"; it is difficult for you to accept your fantasies about a relationship, so completely shattered and dissipated.
On the other hand, probably because you are not dead-hearted, you always have some good illusions about this relationship, hoping to be able to revive the dead, hoping to be able to work hard - this faint light is the spark that supports you to continue.
Therefore, those who are difficult to give up in feelings are often idealists of feelings; or, they are more emotional people, which is not immature feelings, but determined by your own emotional concept - if you are a person who does not care about feelings, such things cannot become your trouble.
Feelings are also a kind of dependence.
Two people get along for a long time, will form a relationship of dependence, the more intimate the relationship, the stronger the sense of dependence, husband and wife, parents and children, are a strong relationship of dependence.
And between husband and wife, this is even more important than the dependence on life, not the dependence that you carry water to me to water the garden, but a psychological and emotional dependence. If a relationship comes to an end, this part is a hurdle that many people can't overcome in their lifetime.
Such a reason, just like you fall into the sea, at this time there is a floating board to become your "dependence", you will not hesitate to hold it tightly, even if it is full of spikes, pricked you all over the body, you will not let go, because you are afraid that once you let go, you will be submerged and swallowed by the sea.
Feelings are also a habit.
When we develop a habit, even if we know that the habit is bad, even if the habit is hurting ourselves, we will still choose to continue this "bad habit", why. Because changing your habits is bound to bring some kind of discomfort, and it will create new uneasiness for you.
Your fear of discomfort and uneasiness is often greater than the disadvantage of remaining in this bad habit– it is often said that human nature makes us reluctant to step out of our comfort zone; and sometimes we are reluctant to step out of the uncomfortable zone to which we are accustomed.
For example, in those cases where emotional betrayal is encountered, continuous betrayal is a huge harm to one's own body and mind, and if you can leave the source of the injury, the person who betrayed you, the relationship that brought harm to yourself, the problem will be solved. But why do many people understand this truth but can't do it?
Because, they are afraid of the uncertain future - choose the end, will they regret it; after leaving, can they live well; whether they have the ability and confidence to face this cold world alone; if they are alone for the rest of their lives, and no one takes care of themselves when they are sick... It's terrifying to think about!
Therefore, they would rather choose to continue to be tortured in this relationship, because such torture, at least visible to themselves, is already suffering, and seems to be bearable.
Therefore, if a person knows that a relationship is absolutely hurtful and painful to himself, but he still can't put it down and can't break it, in the end, it is two reasons:
First, you are not completely dead hearted, or the other party has not completely hurt you, or you still have fantasies about the relationship;
Second, you do not have confidence in yourself, you are unable to face and bear all the solutions you may have in the future, you cannot rely on yourself to face the road to end this relationship, the road to be traveled, and the suffering to face.