Why do children lie?
Children may lie:
Cover up something so they don't get into trouble
See how you will respond
Make the story even more exciting
Experimentation – for example, pretending that what happens in the story is real
Get noticed or make yourself sound better
Get what they want – for example, "Mom let me eat lollipops before dinner"
Avoid hurting other people's feelings – this kind of lie is often referred to as "white lies".
When did the child start lying?
Children can learn to lie from an early age, usually around the age of 3. This is when kids start to realize that you're not a mind reader, so they can say things that aren't true without you knowing.
Children lie more often at the age of 4-6 years. By matching the intonation of their facial expressions and voices to what they say, they may be better off lying. If you ask the kids to explain what they're saying, they'll usually admit it.
As children get older, they can lie more successfully without being caught. Lies also become more complex because children have more to say and are better at understanding other people's thoughts.
By puberty, children often tell white lies to avoid hurting the feelings of others.
Encourage your child to tell the truth
Once children grow up to understand the difference between true and false, it is good to encourage and support them to tell the truth.
You can do this by emphasizing the importance of honesty in the family and helping children understand what happens if they lie.
Here are some tips:
Have a conversation with your child about lying and telling the truth. For example, "How would Mom feel if Dad lied to her?" Or "What happens when you lie to your teacher?" ”
Help your child avoid situations where they feel the need to lie. For example, if you ask your child if they spilled milk, your child may be tempted to lie. To avoid this, you could say, 'I know there was an accident with the milk.' Let's clean it up'.
Praise your child for admitting to doing something wrong. For example, 'I'm glad you told me what happened.' Let's work together to solve the problem.
Be an example of truth-telling. For example, 'I made a mistake in my work report I wrote today.' I told my boss so we could fix it.
Use jokes to encourage your child to admit lies. For example, your preschooler might say, "My teddy bear broke it." You could say something like, "I wonder why Teddy did that?" Keep joking until your child admits it.
Legends: How to deal with them
Pretending and imagining are important for a child's development, and it's good to encourage this kind of play. "Tall Stories" don't need to be seen as lies, especially for children under 4 years of age.
If your child is making up a story about something, you can answer, "It's a great story – we can make it a book." This encourages the child's imagination and does not encourage lying.
Deliberate lies and lies: how to deal with them
If your child deliberately lies, the first step is to let your child know that lying is not okay. Your child also needs to know why. You might want to make a family rule about lying.
The next step is to use the appropriate consequences. When you use consequences, try to separate the lying from the behavior that led to the lie. For example, if your child draws on a wall and then lies, you may have an impact on these things. However, if your child lies to cover up a mistake, such as spilling a drink, you may decide to use the consequences of lying and then clean up the mess together.
Here are more ideas for dealing with intentional lying:
Talk calmly with your child about how lying makes you feel, how it affects your relationship with your child, and what it would be like if family and friends no longer trusted your child. This highlights the difference between what happens if your child is honest and what happens if you are dishonest.
Be sure to tell your child when you know they're not telling the truth. But try to avoid constantly asking your child if what you're saying is true. Also avoid calling your child a "liar." If your child thinks they're a liar, they might as well keep lying. You can say , 'You're usually honest with me.' But I just don't understand what happened to the last cupcake."
Make it easier for your child not to lie. You can start by thinking about why your child is lying. For example, if your child lies in order to get what they want, consider a reward system that allows your child to get what they want.
When did the child start lying?
Sometimes children lie or keep secrets about serious issues. For example, children who are abused by adults or bullied by other children often lie because they fear punishment if they speak up.
If you suspect that your child is lying to protect others, do the following:
Reassure your child that they will be safe if they tell the truth.
Let your child know that you will do everything you can to make things better.
Some children may lie frequently as part of a more serious, negative, or even illegal act, such as stealing, making a fire, or harming an animal.
If you are concerned about your child's behavior, safety, or health, consider seeking professional help. Discuss with your GP or school counselor who to contact for advice.
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