I know that there is a subject on the subject, telling a personal story of his own, which has attracted the sympathy of thousands of netizens.
The subject and his wife have been married for seven years and have a child. However, the permanent population of the family is more than three, because it also counts parents-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and even occasionally receives old relatives and neighbors from his wife's hometown.
Especially his brother-in-law, who has lived in it for 11 years. At the beginning of their relationship, the wife who was still a girlfriend at the time let his brother from his hometown live in the family in the name of going to the city to find a job and renting a house.
11 years have passed, who would have thought that the brother-in-law had never rented a house, or even found a stable job. A 33-year-old man still depends on his sister for his monthly living expenses.
Such a marriage, it is conceivable that it is difficult to calm down, and finally one day the subject caused dissatisfaction with his wife and father-in-law because of his complaints about his brother-in-law, and finally the marriage between the two came to an end.
"Marry a man who does not marry his mother, and marry a wife without marrying a brother and a demon",
It has become the consensus of marriage and love among young people today. The reason why such a family has to stay away is because there is no sense of boundaries at all, so life is doomed to chaos.
01 Wronged brother meets fu brother and sister
Liu Ming (pseudonym), 31 years old this year, is an amateur actor whose main daily routine is to follow the crew around the world. Perhaps it is that he has seen too many scenery on the road he has traveled, and he has more troubles than the average person, so his biggest hobby is drinking, almost reaching the state of not leaving the wine.
Before the blind date, taking advantage of the fact that the female guests had not yet arrived, he seized the time to drink, saw the choreographer coming, and he did not forget to quickly carry the wine bottle to share with him, and shake the other party to come to a bottle.
Seeing that the eldest brother drank non-stop as soon as he came on the field, the choreographer was worried that he had drunk too much nonsense when he went on a blind date, so he quickly asked him how much he had drunk, and as a result, liu Ming, who had a large amount of liu ming, did not feel anything at all, and very casually said that he had only drunk 3 bottles.
A person at noon was drinking alcohol, and he didn't know what life setbacks Liu Ming had experienced, anyway, he himself said that his life experience was too rich and difficult to say, but he not only had stories and wine, but also the interest and hobby of drinking, and drinking a little every day had become an indispensable part of his life.
Don't think that he is a person who drinks all day and lives a muddy life, Liu Ming said that he has considered his future life plan very clearly, and at present he is only staying in Chongqing for a short time, and the next stop he will go to Yunnan.
Seeing that Liu Ming was drinking wine while saying a bunch of unrealistic words, the choreographer quickly invited the heroine of the blind date, hoping that through her, Liu Ming could put down the wine bottle in his hand.
However, before the choreographer introduced themselves to each other, the female guest volunteered to open a hot dance that made people difficult to say, but this enchanting dance style really played a role, and suddenly attracted Liu Ming, who was addicted to drinking.
After a brief greeting, the two sat down, intending to take a closer look. Before the female guest spoke, Liu Ming took the initiative to talk about his life plan, he said that because his ex-girlfriend is from Yunnan, he must go to Yunnan, which is equivalent to a formal farewell to his past self, and then he will return to his hometown to settle down, so no one can change the trip to Yunnan.
Although Liu Ming looks like she can tell a lot of stories after drinking a lot of wine, the female guest who has just danced for a while obviously does not want to listen at all, because she is more concerned about the economic strength of the man than the emotional experience, after all, she has 5 brothers and sisters in her family, and the pressure is still quite large.
After learning that the female guests had a large population in their homes, he immediately made his attitude clear:
"If two people are really married, after marriage, I think this circle can be appropriately reduced."
For Liu Ming's seemingly very reasonable words, the female guests did not want to pay any attention to it, after all, everyone's understanding of the family is different, as a person with heavy feelings, she is more concerned about whether she can help her mother's family through marriage, so she directly led the topic to the bride price.
As soon as he heard the topic of the bride price, Liu Ming instantly sobered up, and he could not continue to give lessons to the female guests, but quickly asked their family's attitude towards the bride price.
After a short silence, the female guests said in a tone of desire to promote and suppress that their parents had a clear attitude towards the bride price, because they did not want others to feel that they were selling their daughters, so they did not plan to ask for too much, more than one hundred and twenty thousand was enough.
As soon as the female guest said this, Liu Ming was stunned for half a day before he eased up and said:
"Taller than our side."
In order to change the topic, Liu Ming pulled the topic to his sad past, he said that he had a relationship before that he had reached the point of talking about marriage, but when discussing the engagement, because the woman wanted a dowry of 80,000 yuan, and their family did not agree too much, and finally because of the bride price, this relationship was completely broken.
The dowry of 80,000 yuan can be broken, and the female guest's price is probably hopeless. But in order not to let Liu Ming have the opportunity to bargain, the female guest quickly made her attitude clear:
"I don't think there are many concessions, my parents are very determined, that is, the bride price is at least about 180,000."
02 A good marriage should talk about money, but also keep rational
Although the price is rising, but this bride price is a bit outrageous, once 80,000 dowry were rejected, and now the 180,000 dowry Liu Ming is really a bit difficult to digest. In order to see if there was still room for negotiation, he asked the female guest directly:
"After 180,000 yuan is given, or when two people get married later, do they need to give other money?"
Liu Ming is worthy of being a person with rich life experience, the question asked can be to the point at once, this question just asked the heart of the female guest, she immediately added that in addition to the bride price, because her parents are older, plus the deposit is not much, so it will definitely need to help her side in the future.
After hearing the discussion of the male and female guests about the bride price, the choreographer who saw the bad situation quickly called the female guest aside and asked her whether the bride price was serious, after all, there were not many bride price in Chongqing. In this regard, the female guest said that the bride price is indeed real in rural areas, according to local customs, the highest general is 80,000 8, but their own family because of the special economic situation, so it is necessary to get more, parents are also combined with the actual price of the family. At the same time, the female guest also said that in addition to the bride price, the general engagement also has to pay a deposit of 20,000 to 30,000 yuan in advance, so a good marriage is negotiated into a deal.
Regarding the ownership of the bride price, the female guest also made it clear that the money should eventually fall to her own home, but after her parents took away part of it, she could take it out to supplement the family.
Under the reconciliation of the choreographer, it was not easy for the atmosphere of the scene to be less awkward, but just sat down, the female guests put forward more requests, she said that in the future, her brother may also need some support to buy a house, this condition was proposed, Liu Ming directly frightened the smile on his face disappeared.
Seeing the male guest's confused face, the female guest immediately said:
"I'll just say help, do you understand what this help means?"
Although the understanding of the word "help" is different, Liu Ming still understands the market for marriage, he said that no matter in which city it seems that there is no custom of brother-in-law to help his brother-in-law buy a house, as a man, he is not obliged to bear these additional costs of the woman's younger brothers and sisters.
Since it is useless to talk about conditions, then we have to talk about feelings, and the female guest said that although these conditions may not seem to be in line with the public's mood, if a man loves her enough, he will certainly not think about these problems.
Seeing that the blind date was once again deadlocked, the choreographer on the side could not help but get out of the horse again, and he quickly advised the female guest not to talk about the problem of the house, but she insisted that because his brother was still young, his house must be bought, so that even if the brother did not have to buy a house in the future, he did not worry about not having a house.
Hearing the words of the female guest, the choreographer really hated iron and steel, repeatedly advised her to live her own life, as for her brother's life, it was his own responsibility, but the female guest was not difficult to annoy, saying that in fact, her parents did not put forward such a request for herself, but as a sister she felt that she hoped to do this, after all, people's hearts are long, blood and kinship make her have to do this.
In view of the fact that the female guest has been obsessed, the final blind date can only be declared a failure, hoping that the female guest can find the man who is willing to accompany her to buy a house for her brother.
03 Families without a sense of boundaries are doomed to be a disaster
Many times, for the "brother demons" have a feeling of hatred of iron and steel, they give up their studies, give up marriage, give up all kinds of opportunities and infinite possibilities in life, and constantly lose on the battlefield of life, living as puppets of their original families.
All the noble emotions and the virtues of self-sacrifice of man begin with compassion. In the eyes of the female guests, her brother, as a weak party, she can't bear to watch her brother suffer, so she hopes to help her brother as much as possible, but she ignores whether her brother really needs this help, and also ignores her so-called help at the expense of the interests of the other half in the future.
If the female guest herself has enough strength to help her brother buy a house, maybe she gave it voluntarily, but she is not capable enough to kidnap her other half in the name of loving me and spending money for me.
Psychology expert Wu Zhihong once said:
"The sense of boundaries is weak, which is why many emotions have become hurtful weapons."
For any relationship, getting too close is a disaster, and taking yourself as an outsider or taking others too seriously is ultimately easy to hurt others and hurt yourself.
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