The word "Mother" must have a magical power, allowing you and me to have unlimited power. When I wasn't a mother, I didn't think it was so hard to be a mother. But after becoming a mother, I sadly found that my previous life experience had failed, just like walking into a vast and strange parallel universe, my world was completely different.
The first time my child had a fever, I was so busy that I didn't know what to do. Go online to check, rush to the mother group to ask, and later learn that it is a toddler's acute rash, fever out of the rash, is an improvement in resistance. Turns out that fever has become a good thing?! In addition to being helpless, in the first few years of raising a baby, I still felt that I was quite a failure, I didn't know what I had done wrong, why was my child so difficult to carry?
What should I do? Confused, I plunged into a mountain of parenting books. For the first three years of being a stay-at-home mom, I probably read more books than I did in so many years of school. Slowly, I found that through the right method, I can actually solve the problems that confuse me.
I have a mother like this, who is inseparable from her baby, is not at ease with everything, is overprotective of her children in life, and dare not let go. The baby is three years old and doesn't go to the bathroom by himself or get dressed by himself. After seeing that babies of the same age were trained to eat and dress independently, she was particularly surprised and asked: "Learn to be independent at the age of three?" ”
In stark contrast, she is blindly indulgent and compromised in terms of children's rules. Do not agree to give the child ice cream, the child lies down to play, she compromises. Even she herself said, "I should be a mother who is easy to compromise..." Parenting problems are all too common in many families.
On the issue of educating children, we are often confused: too much management, children will rely too much on parents, lack of independence; simply leave it alone, and worry that children will do whatever they want after losing the supervision of their parents, or even go astray. In fact, parenting is like flying a kite, only by letting go can the kite fly. At the same time, we must have a line in our hands to hold the kite, and when it is pulled, it can be released, so that the kite can fly higher and higher.
If this thread is cut, the kite will not fly higher, but will be planted at one end. That's the way it is to educate children. If you don't let go, the child will never grow up or not; if you are too indulgent, the child will inevitably fly unsteadily, and you will have to admit planting. The question is, when should I pull it, and when should I put it down? On the trampoline of the children's playground, I found the answer.
It is common to see many parents standing around the trampoline, their eyes fixed on their children, seriously "guiding": "You tap and jump, don't bump into the little sister!" "You jump in the middle, there's a slit on the side, don't fall!" "Oops, didn't you see the kid next to you fall?" You also jump! "They all told you to jump in the middle, and you ran up!" ............ Of course, some parents are very relieved, send their children into the trampoline, and immediately find a place to sit and play with their mobile phones, with a relieved look - "The bear child can finally play by himself for a while, and I can also relax."
If I say that these two kinds of parents have deficiencies, it is estimated that I will immediately be refuted: "If I don't care, who is responsible for the child bumping into it?" In case you bump into someone else, you should say that I am not disciplined. Or: "I'm giving my child free space, don't parents have to learn to let go?" In the name of "not teaching, the father's fault", how many parents follow the shadow and control their children too strictly and too deadly; how many parents are lazy and lazy in the name of "children are happy", blindly indulging in their children, and are irresponsible. The right thing to do is for parents to observe what dangers this trampoline is, and then tell him what the dangers are in simple and understandable words before the child goes in to play, and "about three chapters" with the child:
1. Keep a distance from other children, do not touch them, when other children are too close to you, you should also stay away;
2. Do not jump where there are gaps in the side;
3. When other children fall down and can't get up, you have to stop for a while, and then jump when the children get up.
If you can't do it, your mother will have to carry you out and can't let you jump anymore. Can you do it? Pull a hook with your child and send him to the trampoline. If the child can't do it, then have a "spirit of contract" and tell him that because you didn't keep the agreement, your mother must take you out according to the previous agreement. No soft-heartedness, no compromise, the contract is the contract. Over time, the child will naturally know where the danger is, what the rules are, and what will happen if the agreement is not followed.
It does not matter to give freedom, talk in advance about the dangers that need to be paid attention to in order to honor freedom, the agreements that need to be observed, and the consequences that need to be borne. Both parents and children must have a "spirit of contract", if the contract is broken, freedom will be taken back; as long as the contract is not broken, the freedom should be let go.
For example, to teach children to manage their own time, a primary school student may have to eat at night, take a bath, write homework, practice the piano, watch cartoons, read bedtime stories, if the parents completely let the child decide, what they want to do, how to do it, it is estimated that he can't do anything well in one night. Many children who practice the piano are because of the chaotic schedule, not practicing for one day, not practicing for two days... It dragged on until it was over. If parents follow, accompany and guide the whole process, where is their time? Where is the child's independence?
Therefore, parents can first work with their children to make a schedule, arrange the order of things, and stipulate the degree to which they can be rewarded, such as completing homework on time and with quality, and can be rewarded for watching 20 minutes of cartoons; agree on what the consequences will be if they cannot do which one. Tell the child well, the parent's responsibility is to remind you of what to do at the time node, which part of which task to accompany you, and the rest are arranged by the child himself.
Most importantly, parents and children sign promises on a timeline, increase the sense of ceremony, and act in strict accordance with this contract. Once the child has mastered this schedule and done everything independently, the parents can let go and let the child manage themselves. Of course, in the process of self-management, there will always be some repetition. Parents should observe more and talk less, but must be reminded when necessary. For example, after the child completely manages himself, he gradually becomes practicing for 10 minutes, eating for an hour, writing homework for half an hour, and watching cartoons for an hour, at which time parents should be reminded.
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