Author | Fan Deng Reading · dawn
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Yifan
There is a problem on Zhihu:
"Why do people become less and less happy the more they live?"
One of the high praises replied: "It is not that the more you live, the more unhappy you are, but the more you live, the stronger your desire." ”
Think about it, it makes sense.
When ability doesn't match desire, anxiety arises.
It is normal for people to have anxiety, and moderate anxiety can stimulate morale and prompt us to continue to grow.
However, excessive anxiety can affect our health.
According to the 2022 Sleep Survey Report, nearly 3/4 of the respondents had sleep troubles and generally slept poorly due to stress at all ages.
Behind the pressure, there is anxiety hidden.
Anxiety not only affects sleep, but also induces psychological diseases such as depression, and even threatens life.
Excessive anxiety can really drag down a person's life.
The writer Uncle Nanchuan once shared a story.
His cousin wanted to apply for Huawei to ask him what he thought.
Uncle Nanchuan said: "Huawei is good, have you started to submit resumes?" ”
The cousin said not yet, because he hadn't figured out which position he was going to apply for.
Uncle Nanchuan suggested that he go online, go to see the company's recruitment positions, screen out what he can match, and then comprehensively analyze.
After thanking Uncle Nanchuan, the cousin said that he would study it carefully.
A week later, my cousin found Uncle Nanchuan and said something about what he had learned:
The interview is strict and the requirements are high, and even if you can successfully enter the job, you still have to face fierce internal competition.
Uncle Nanchuan asked him, "Did you submit your resume?" ”
The cousin replied, "Not yet, I haven't studied it yet." ”
After Uncle Nanchuan listened, he shook his head helplessly: "You just think too much, first go to the resume and then say." ”
In fact, many difficult problems are not real, but imaginary.
As Yataro Matsuura said:
"The so-called dilemma of life is just a shackle set by your wild thoughts and self-imposed."
Thinking too much will continue to consume our energy and even affect our physical health.
Kazuo Inamori was also a cranky man.
Because a relative died of "tuberculosis", Kazuo Inamori was called a "tuberculosis family member".
He always worried that he would also die of tuberculosis, often unable to sleep, and his health was getting worse and worse.
Later, on the book that a neighbor gave him, he saw this sentence:
"In our hearts, there are magnets that attract disaster, and we get sick because we have a fragile heart that attracts germs."
Kazuo Inamori suddenly realized that he was sick because he was thinking too much.
Therefore, he changed his mentality, strengthened exercise, regular work and diet, and the pain disappeared.
Many times, it's not the bad things that trap us, it's the excessive anxiety.
The more anxious you are, the easier it is to slip into the abyss of pain.
Only by letting go of anxiety and relaxing your mindset can you better face life and work.
The American psychologist Neugarten once proposed a concept called "social clock".
The social clock, simply put, is what age does things.
In the eyes of many people, age is like a yardstick, and the "punctual youth" who completes life events such as work, marriage, and childbirth in the corresponding time is a winner in life.
The "jet lag youth" who do not follow this universal clock will often be plagued by anxiety.
Friend Swallow is 29 years old this year, working in the public institution in her hometown, and has achieved little success in her work.
Recently, when I talked to her, my words revealed her troubles from time to time:
Colleagues buy cars and buy houses, and she rides a small electric donkey every day and lives in a rental house;
The peers around her are all in the circle of friends, and she is still single.
Feeling behind people, she became more and more anxious day by day, and even couldn't sleep all night.
She said: "I always felt like I was a few beats slower than others and really failed. ”
In real life, many people, like swallows, are pushed by clockwork clocks, running and busy, while anxious.
However, life is not an arena, there is no need to catch up with the pace of others; life is not a single choice, marriage and children are not a must.
There is a group on Douban called "Reverse Social Clock", which currently has nearly 60,000 members.
Among them, some of them went to the mountains to live in seclusion in their 20s, some re-enrolled in undergraduate studies at the age of 35, some gave birth to their first child at the age of 40, and some people began to learn to paint at the age of 60...
It is not only right to follow the rhythm of the "social clock", and it is not only a life that follows the "established route" that is good.
Each of us has our own clock and our own rhythm of walking.
If you use "standard life" to demand yourself, you are doomed to walk with anxiety.
Only by keeping your own rhythm and not letting others disrupt your pace, can you not be troubled by anxiety.
In fact, we should not live a "standard life", but our own "customized life".
As Li Xinpin said: "To live your own version of life, unique, so good that you don't want to exchange with others!" ”
So, don't worry, don't panic, we will eventually usher in our own highlight moments.
Know that in our own time zone, everything is on time.
Plato said:
There is nothing in human affairs that deserves great anxiety.
Don't dwell on troubles, don't let anxiety squeeze away happiness.
Only by digesting bad emotions can we meet good luck.
So, how can you get rid of anxiety?
Try the following five methods and you can have peace of mind too.
1. Have time to read more
Mr. Yang Dai once said: "Your problem is mainly that you don't read much, but think too much." ”
Reading books cannot make people rich overnight, but it can make people accumulate strength in books.
When the inner world becomes abundant, there is no place for anxiety.
Try to read some books on history, biography, philosophy, etc., to draw wisdom from other people's stories and improve the pattern.
A person who reads more books and gets more valuable things will find that many troubles in life are not worth mentioning at all.
2. Act immediately on everything
I once saw such a question: "I always feel that I am inferior to others, I care too much about other people's opinions, and I am always entangled in things, what should I do?" ”
In particular, I agreed with one of the answers: "Thinking is all suffering; only by doing, there is liberation." ”
Waiting only fuels anxiety; and action can dissolve anxiety.
As Zhou Yijun said in "The Round Table School": the antonym of anxiety is concrete.
Focus on the specific things that make you anxious, step by step, and you will find that anxiety no longer exists.
From now on, don't think too much about it, do it and say it again.
3. Learn a skill
Classical in "What is Possible in Your Life" said:
When the "ability" is missing, we show "anxiety" emotions, and then worsen, we suddenly have a "sense of powerlessness".
Therefore, when you feel anxious, it is a good time to develop your ability.
To learn skills is to break through the boundaries of one's own abilities.
With the rapid development of society, the times have higher and higher requirements for people's comprehensive ability, and only by forcing themselves to grow can they resist anxiety.
Learn a new skill, such as taking photos, PPT production, video editing, and more.
When we settle down and polish our skills, life will become more and more fulfilling, and things will become more and more smooth.
4. Lower expectations
Writer Mader said: "I slowly understood why I wasn't happy because I was always expecting a result. ”
Not all expectations will come as promised.
Once people have too many expectations, it is easy to breed anxiety.
Therefore, in order to promote happiness, an effective way is to reduce expectations.
Let go of the high expectations for the outcome, and you will not feel frustrated and uneasy about the gap in the ending.
Less expectation, understanding that there is enough happiness, then everything in sight is beautiful.
5. Regular work and rest
Studies have shown that people who sleep less than 6 hours in three consecutive nights are prone to anxiety.
When you feel anxious, try to change your routine.
A good routine allows us to have a better physical and mental state.
A regular life allows us to calmly cope with all the variables in life.
If you're lying in bed and can't sleep, drink a glass of hot milk, listen to soothing music, or light a scent.
Clean up bad emotions in time before going to bed, wake up and embrace the first rays of the morning sun, and meet each day energetically.
Some people say that anxiety is like a spring, and the harder you push, the tighter it gets. Instead, it relaxed, and it also relaxed.
In the face of anxiety, the best way is not to resist or escape, but to find a suitable way to resolve it.
Shakespeare said:
"If a person thinks too much, he will lose the joy of being a person."
Anxiety can't solve tomorrow's problems, but it will take away today's happiness.
Instead of regretting the past and worrying about the future, it is better to live the present well.
Because living every day well is the best gift for the future.
For the rest of your life, may you and I take more care of our hearts, find a rhythm that suits us, reconcile with anxiety, and move forward courageously.
Click "Watching" and encourage your friends.
Author | Morning Dawn: Write with heart, live with heart.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | Lucid fall -