As many as 72% of people have been disciplined by parents with verbal violence when they are young, and up to 83% of children will have at least one negative reaction, of which 65% will only have a negative reaction after being disciplined by verbal violence, and there is no positive reaction expected by parents, which shows that verbal violence discipline is ineffective and negative.
What many people don't know is that children who are disciplined by verbal violence are more likely to have a variety of emotional distress problems, including insomnia, anxiety, anger, depression, low self-esteem....... Such negative effects can be long-lasting and long-lasting into adulthood.
But many parents may wonder: "Am I wrong to be beaten up from childhood to adulthood and grow up teaching children in the same way?" ”
A few days ago, I heard a visiting father say something like this: "I have been beaten often since I was a child, and to be honest, I am very grateful that my father was willing to beat me at that time, otherwise I would have gone to pick up garbage for a living now." I think children should be beaten. ”
I took a deep breath and asked him, "How old was that?" How tall were you back then? ”
"It was a long time ago, maybe eight or nine years old, and I was short." The father compared the height of his own waist.
"It sounds like you're thankful that your father, no matter how busy he is, is willing to take the trouble to discipline and pay attention to you, isn't he?" I said, "What happened to you at that time?" How often do you make your father angry? ”
"I just don't behave well, I don't write homework, I don't do housework, and I steal other people's things."
"Then do you think that you were very naughty and completely discreet?" I asked again
"Not really. At that time, it was very idle, my parents were working, and when I was a child, I was naughty and didn't understand things, so I would engage in east and west! ”
"So it sounds like you were alone for a while as a kid because both parents were at work."
"Yeah, our family is engaged in firecracker production, and my parents are very busy, so I will find something to do after school." Try not to disturb your parents. ”
"So this kid is often lonely, and he tries to find things to do and accompany himself as much as possible, and not to let himself be bored, right?"
Father nodded.
"I hear that when you were a child, you were not only independent, but also had a caring."
"What do you say?" The father showed a confused expression.
"Because, you not only accompany yourself, but also try not to disturb your parents' work." "But I don't know why, sometimes you have tried hard, but you still accidentally make your parents angry and then be punished..."
Father seemed stunned.
I then asked, "Did anyone accompany you and teach you more appropriate behavior when you were lonely?" ”
Father shook his head.
"How did your father hit you?" I asked.
"Belts, plastic water pipes, hangers, slippers, slaps..." The father read them out one by one, and every time he read one, the atmosphere at the scene seemed to be more silent.
"Does a little boy who has endured loneliness since childhood, who knows that he must accompany himself and not argue with his parents, really need to be beaten by these things to be more sensible?" I asked in a soft tone, "Or is it enough for him to be just a person who can play with him, someone who can teach him well?" ”
Father did not speak again.
"If you had the opportunity to meet yourself when you were a child, who was about waist-tall, would you also choose to hit him with a belt?" Or would you be willing to take his hand and sit down, apply some potion to his wounds, and chat with him and teach him something? ”
On the topic of scolding, he and I only talked about this, because, I think, this father also probably understood the problem.
Whether or not this father later adjusted the concept of parenting, I only hope that at that time, there will be a child who has been injured for many years and will have the opportunity to be understood and cared for. Let him also know that in fact, he does not need to be hurt by these things, and he can also be a great child.
The purpose of this dialogue is not to deny the love of parents for their children, or to deny the intentions of parents. The child has never doubted the intentions of his parents, but he rarely has the opportunity to understand that what he really needs may be companionship or care, and scolding is never the most effective way to educate.
The original text is from the Rong Xinqi Professor Psychology Hall, if you need to reprint, please obtain permission and indicate the source.