Hello everyone, I am a tomato mother who practices lifelong learning!
I found that many children are "raised poor", whether parents are deliberately poor or financially stressed and forced to raise children poorly. Parents should pay attention to it, and poor parents should also pay attention to methods. Otherwise, the poor children are likely to be "raised poor" and the ending is not optimistic.
01
The same is a child who grew up eating "rotten apples", one is very confident, and the other is very inferior
Ran Ran and Xinxin are both post-80s, the two are classmates, and the relationship has always been very good. When they were young, their families lived in the countryside, and their parents were migrant workers, barely able to provide for their children's education by doing odd jobs. Ran Ran and Xinxin went to and from school together every day, pedaling a bicycle for 50 minutes one way, and the two little girls suffered a lot.
However, like Xinxin and xinxin, the money for school is all borrowed by parents, and only "rotten fruits" can be bought to buy fruits. After returning home, the mother cut off half of the bad ones for her daughter, and the remaining half was good to eat. Some apples are cut off two-thirds and can only be eaten to the mouth.
However, every time the mother handed the "rotten apple" to her daughter, she would say to her 6-year-old daughter: "Mom is sorry for you, I can't afford to buy expensive apples, the family is too poor, I'm really sorry, we can only save food." ”
Unexpectedly, he said guiltily: "It's all my fault, it's my birth, dragging down my mother." When my mother heard this, her heart ached and she was very sad.
But Xinxin's mother said to her daughter when she handed her "rotten apple": "The apple that your mother handed you is an apple bought with the money earned by your mother's odd jobs. ”
Unexpectedly, the "poor support" behavior of the two mothers is the same, and the children's family situation is the same, but the final result is very different. The two children are very confident, and the other is very inferior when he grows up.
However, under the influence of his mother's words, he was very inferior in his heart. I always feel that my family is very poor, and I eat rotten apples when I eat fruit. For this reason, in front of her classmates, she was always very introverted and could not lift her head.
After the 80s, the often spoken words are: can't afford it, can't afford it, sorry. Even when she grew up looking for a job, she felt that her family was poor, not worthy of too good a job, and did not dare to submit a resume to a high-paying enterprise, and finally she found an ordinary occupation with a salary of 2,000 yuan.
Ran ran knew that his inferiority was related to his experience as a child. When reflecting, Ranran's words stung her mother's heart, she said: "Children who have been raised poor since childhood are really easy to be raised poorly." ”
However, Xinxin is different, she is very grateful to her mother, and she also thinks that the apples that her mother gave her are very delicious. Xinxin is very sunny and confident, and when she grows up, she still likes to earn money and save money, and now she is developing very well, with a monthly income of more than 5,000 yuan.
Children from poor families have different endings, which shows that in families with similar economic conditions, the parenting style of parents is really important.
Poverty is not the fault of parents, and poor support is not a problem of parents, but it is the responsibility of parents to have problems with education methods.
02
Poor support is not wrong, as long as the method is right, poor nutrition can also raise self-confidence
If the family has money, it means that they want to raise their children poorly, or the family has no money and is forced to raise children poorly. This is not a problem, as long as on the road to poverty, parents do not step on the pit, it will not hurt the child's inferiority. As long as the method is right, poor children can also raise self-confidence babies.
Parents are poor and raise children, and the following two pits cannot be stepped on:
Poor children, parents can not repeatedly emphasize: our family is very poor
Some parents are poor and do not want to give their children pocket money, so they repeatedly say: "Our family is very poor, and the family has no money to buy you good food, so you don't spend money indiscriminately." ”
If the child is just thirsty at that time and wants to buy a bottle of water to quench his thirst, but the mother speaks to the child like this, it is difficult for the child not to be inferior. The basic thirst needs are not solved, and the mentally broken, labeled poor, will make the child feel that "poor" is an insult.
Poor children, can not mentally "abuse" the child, put pressure on the child
Some parents put the word poor on their lips, mention it in front of their children once a day, mentally "abuse" and torture their children, and put pressure on their children.
For example, "Poor like this, you still need money to buy popsicles, have you grown up", "I blame you, I want money every day, my family will be poor." "Under this kind of spiritual pressure, it is difficult for children to be happy, it is even more difficult to have self-confidence, and it is very easy to feel inferior because of poverty.
Material poverty will at most make children feel undignified, but spiritual poverty will deplete children's self-confidence. Children's material conditions are limited, and their spiritual needs can no longer be met, which can easily lead to children becoming inferior, not daring to spend money to buy things, becoming selfish, timid and not aggressive, and it is difficult to have a job.
03
It is okay to raise children poorly, but it is necessary to properly meet the spiritual needs of children
If you want to insist on raising children poorly, or have less money, you can only raise children poorly for the time being. Then, remember to properly meet the child's spiritual needs, can not blindly poor, no bottom line, harsh on the child.
For example, the child has to pay the tuition fee the next day, and the parents nag at this time that the family has no money, the family is too poor, and blame the child for spending more money on school. This is very meaningless, it will only increase the child's troubles and cause the child to be inferior.
On the contrary, if the child pays the tuition the next day, the parents cannot come up with the money, but the child can accompany the mother and go out to borrow money. Then, the mother said to the child, "We are only temporarily short of money, not poor." We can make more money in the future, you just have to study hard, don't worry about the family. "This kind of education can avoid children's feelings of inferiority."
Interactive topic: On the road to poverty, let the child get spiritual comfort. Mentioning the word "poor" less in front of children will not put too much pressure on children, do you think?
Slogan: Learning may not allow parents to cultivate excellent children 100%, but without learning, you can't cultivate excellent children, may every mother become a learning mother!