Yumi's good friend Yiyi was brought up by her grandmother. Recently, Grandma had something to go back, and Yi Mom was still worried that her grandparents would not adapt to the child, and the result was that she was completely punched in the face.
Yi Mom found that in addition to the first half of the day is a little awkward, the back is completely painless, chasing grandparents every day to play, grandchildren 3 people can be close. At night, I secretly asked Yiyi: "Do you want to be grandpa and grandpa?" The bear child replied very affirmatively, "No! I found Grandpa and Grandma better! ”
Yi Ma said: Although the child's words are unscrupulous, I still feel that this child is a bit ill-aware. Grandma hurt her so much, a few days before she went back, Grandma always stole tears. After returning to their hometown, the old two insisted on video every day, and this bear baby actually forgot about her grandmother and grandfather in minutes, feeling a bit scummy.
Went to search, found that there are not a few parents who are so troubled, are these bear babies really "white-eyed wolves"?
Why did my grandparents grow up and be closer to my grandparents?
Yumi often plays with Yiyi, and is deeply involved in Yiyi's mode of getting along with her grandmother and grandfather. Observing the relationship between the grandchildren, there is no doubt that the old two love the granddaughter very much:
I remember when Yumi was 7 or 8 months old, I bought a lot of ready-made complementary foods to save trouble. But Yiyi's complementary food has always been made by grandma, and the old man is deeply afraid of buying additives. Even if Yiyi is 4 years old, the eggs and flour she eats now are sent from her hometown by her grandfather! Paying so much in exchange for a sentence of "Grandpa and Grandma is better", it is no wonder that Yiyi's mother will be so lost.
But as a third party who has observed the relationship between grandchildren and grandchildren up close, I think my observation ability is quite accurate, and I may know the reason why Yiyi is closer to her grandparents:
Reason one: lack of belonging
I appreciate the selfless love of the elderly for their children, but they have reservations about some of their expressions.
Every time Yiyi made a naughty mistake, the most common sentence said by Grandma and Grandpa was: "Scolding you is helping your mother educate you, if it were not for helping your mother, who would run so far to take you this little thing?" Whenever this happens, Yiyi will look very anxious.
The old man didn't realize how deadly this sentence was to a 3- or 4-year-old child!
Before the age of 6, the child is very sensitive to language, but due to the lack of comprehension, this sentence is likely to be translated by her: We take you because of your mother, we don't love you at all!
Can you imagine how little a sense of belonging will a child who grows up listening to such words every day? How can you still be related to your grandmother and grandfather!
I also saw a grandmother in the community say to her grandson, "You are the grandson, and Brother Lele is the grandson of grandma." When you are older and go to kindergarten, Grandma will have to go back to her hometown to see Brother Lele. ”
The idea of "marrying a daughter and spilling water" has long been deeply rooted in some places, and many grandmothers and grandfathers have always believed that grandchildren are outsiders, and only the children of their sons' families are considered to be grandchildren. Under this kind of thinking, you will unconsciously favor your own grandson. Over time, the child will naturally be able to detect it and become distant.
Reason two: Grandma and Grandpa are more demanding
Yiyi's father is a high-achieving student at Peking University, usually busy with work, and most of the tasks of educating children fall on grandma and grandpa. Although Grandpa is a retired old teacher, he also said that Alexander, after all, his son-in-law graduated from Peking University, and if the child is not well taught, he is worried that he will not be able to make a difference. Therefore, the old man will naturally be strict with his granddaughter.
Yiyi, 4 and a half years old, has begun to learn English, painting, dance, mathematical logic, etc., a series of preschool education classes. Recently, due to the epidemic, many offline courses have been closed, but this is difficult to fall as an old teacher's grandfather, foreign languages, mathematics come at hand.
Yi Yi was able to rest easily, who knew that Grandpa was versatile and completely flawless. This is not grandpa left, the little day immediately comfortable ~ ~ ~
Reason three: Children are also well versed in the principle of "far away and near smell"
There is a popular saying on the Internet: "Mother is born, grandmother is raised, grandparents come to watch, father goes home on the Internet." From the side, it is reflected that most of the children are carried by grandmothers and grandfathers.
With the child for a long time, for the healthy growth of the child, the grandmother and grandfather will naturally have more constraints on him. Such as: managing children to watch TV, urging children to write homework, and doing wrong things to criticize severely.
As a child's sense of self begins to develop, these will be seen as stumbling blocks in the child's path to growth.
The child is relatively relaxed on the grandparents' side, and the number of meetings is less. When they met, the old man couldn't bear to force the child to do something he was not willing to do. The relaxed atmosphere will naturally make children enjoy the time spent with their grandparents more.
Don't be too sad, the psychology of children "white-eyed wolves" has an explanation
After watching so much, do you feel more and more that children have some potential for "white-eyed wolves"?
However, there is no need for grandma and grandpa to be sad, and the reason why children are like this is only because they are too young to have empathy. As the child grows up, he will naturally know the goodness of his grandmother and grandfather, and he will become closer to his grandmother and grandfather at that time.
It is said that children are "white-eyed wolves", we are actually wrong to blame children, in fact, this is a very common phenomenon. Psychologist Piaget studied it very early, and he did a famous "Three Mountains Experiment":
Piaget placed three mountains on a three-dimensional model of the dune, let some 2- to 7-year-olds observe them separately from the front and back, left and right, and finally asked the children to point out which picture they saw from the people who stood in different directions. Experimental results: These children, without exception, chose pictures that they could see from their own perspective.
This famous Three Mountains experiment is a good illustration of how children before the age of 7 do not have "empathy" and that children are "self-centered", which is a major feature of children at this stage.
You see, after understanding the psychological development of children, are grandmas and grandfathers feeling a lot better? It is not that the children are "white-eyed wolves", but that the psychological development of children at this stage is not yet sound, and they do not have the ability to see problems from the perspective of others.
How to make children closer to themselves?
Grandma and grandpa contributed the most every day, and in the end they were complained about, which was quite bad. Is there a way to bring the child closer? There really is!
First of all, Grandma and Grandpa must abandon the idea that grandchildren are outsiders.
In fact, children are very sensitive to the words and deeds of adults, and they often attribute some things from the outside world to themselves.
Parents quarrel with children will wonder if they are not doing well enough?
Grandma and grandpa regard themselves as outsiders, and children will also wonder if the problem is in themselves?
The idea that "grandchildren are outsiders" really affects the relationship between grandchildren and grandchildren, grandchildren and grandchildren are shedding your blood, what is the difference? If you have to say that the child does not follow your surname, then discuss with your daughter to discuss that you want a second son to follow your surname!
Second, try to express love to your child as bluntly as possible
Children aged 2 to 7 are still in the "self-centered" stage, not because children do not want to think from the perspective of adults, but because they do not have physical conditions. At this time, if we still say, "I see you all because of your mother", the child will naturally feel that you do not love her.
In the face of children at this age, the easiest way for children to feel love is to tell him bluntly: Grandma loves you, Grandpa loves you! You can tell him, "Because Grandma and Grandpa love you so much, they have come thousands of miles to have your city!" ”
Expressing love in this way will let the child know that he is loved and valued, and naturally there will be a stronger sense of belonging.
Finally, there must be ways and means to criticize children
It cannot be denied that the older generation has adopted more methods of forcible suppression in educating children, but it is no longer suitable for today's children.
Colleague Zhang Ge grew up beating up from a young age, and he said that the longest sentence his father said was "filial piety under the stick." After having children, Brother Zhang naturally continued his father's education method. As a result, just a few days ago, when he was about to beat his 7-year-old son, his son directly called the police! For the first time in his life, he communicated closely with the police uncle, and Brother Zhang said that he did not believe that the bear child would call the police to arrest him!
There are too many sources of knowledge for children today, and a tough education approach will only make the parent-child relationship worse and worse. Here we should remind my grandmother and grandfather to educate children must also pay attention to ways and methods, and do not be like when we were young, first fat beat up and then say.
Well, about the children brought up by grandma and grandpa, why are they closer to grandpa and grandma? Today to say so much, if this article has a certain inspiration for you, remember to pay attention to and forward ah~