2022.04.05 Tue
I believe that the people who really hate children are very few, and most of the reasons for not wanting to have more children are either because they want to give their children all their love, or because they don't have enough financial ability and energy to raise a child.
Either way, there is only one purpose, to give children a better life.
——Teacher Dabao
The author | Little Tree's mother
I don't know if you saw that # Ren Zeping said don't expect to have a child after 9000 #的热搜没?
Ren Zeping, an economist, said in an article that the central bank should print 2 trillion yuan more and have 50 million more children in 10 years. It also stressed that we must seize the time window of 75 to 85 years to give birth, seize the introduction of a fertility encouragement fund, and do not expect the post-90s and post-00s.
Although stimulating the birth of a baby is the trend of the times, we cannot give the pressure to the post-75-85 generation. Saying that you can't expect the post-90s and post-00s is also too arbitrary.
I think that the decision to give birth is not whether the person is post-75 or post-00, but depends on the individual's willingness to have children.
There are many people who are not married at the age of 30, and there are people who have 2 children by the age of 30. The most exaggerated I've ever seen was a 36-year-old mom who had 8 miscarriages and gave birth to 9 babies.
The 36-year-old mother is one of the protagonists of a British documentary, The Women Who Can't Stop Giving Birth to Babies.
The mothers in the documentary are particularly willing to have children, and now they are shared, which is quite appropriate.
It photographs the daily life of families with many children in the UK, and the content is quite realistic.
The families inside have had the least 9 babies, and the most even reached 22. However, the reasons for each family's birth and education methods are still worthy of our deep consideration.
Won the pageant
Win your mother's love
I was most impressed by the Lewis family.
It's nothing if he has 13 babies in his family, and what's more special is that 12 of them are beautiful girls.
People say: three women a play, 12 girls is more lively.
Because they share a bathroom, the daughters wash and dress up every day for more than 3 hours.
Dad helplessly complained: ordinary people spend 1/3 of the time to sleep, I use 1/3 of the time to wait for my daughter.
Lewis's family not only has many girls, but also has a common dream, which is to become a beauty pageant champion.
On their table, there were rows of beauty pageant trophies, all the booty of the sisters.
From the eldest daughter of 20 years old to the youngest daughter, she wants to dress beautifully, take to the stage, and become the focus.
Every day, the girls either followed their mother to the store to choose clothes, learn to take pictures, prepare for the competition, or cheer up the other sisters.
Seeing this, I have a little doubt, love beauty is the nature of little girls, 12 girls are fanatical enough to take this as a career, is it too coincidental?
Sure enough, later in the child's separate interview, there was also a hint of it.
The youngest daughter once said that she is not the kind of "Barbie" girl, in fact, she prefers to wear pants.
Why do children have to work so hard to participate in beauty pageants?
On closer inspection, it is not difficult to find that Tracy, a mother, is much more excited than her daughters in participating in the beauty pageant.
It's not so much that the daughters want to compete, but that they use it to rob their mother's love.
Because every time someone competes, my mother will put all her energy into her, picking clothes, making styles...
Tracy didn't let the children realize their dreams, but she made a choice with her actions, telling the children:
If you don't listen to me, then you can only be ignored.
Looking at the only boy in the family, the sense of presence is almost zero, and he doesn't even have to fight for qualifications.
To borrow a phrase from the educator Montessori: Every child is born with a spiritual embryo. No matter how his parents "reformed", he eventually wanted to be himself.
Tracy loves children, but her love comes with too many conditions, control, and self-satisfaction.
The child is not the inheritor of his parents' dreams, his life is his own, and he has his own way to go.
We can only make a light to help the child light up the road ahead and support him to live the way he wants to be.
Giving birth to a baby is a gift from God
Take your child home for education
Compared to the first, Sullivan and Tania had far fewer babies, and they had 9 babies.
But I'm more worried about Tania, my mother, who is pregnant with twins, than my children.
This was her 18th pregnancy, eight miscarriages, and the advanced age of childbirth made this time very dangerous.
In fact, when the third child was born, the doctor told her that there was a risk of uterine loss, heavy bleeding, etc., and if she did not get it right, she would die twice.
After all this, why should we be born?
Papa Sullivan explains: Children are a gift from Heaven, and we don't know why we should stop.
Personally, I think that in families with many children, mothers risk their lives to give birth, which is inherently irresponsible.
In the unlikely event of an accident, what happens to the child in front of me?
What also makes me incomprehensible is their concept of education.
About 3 years ago, the couple brought all their children back from school and taught themselves at home.
Tania explains: There are too many negative effects on the outside, such as sex education for children at a very young age, and we are very disapproving of this. They are easy to play with bad boys and should wait until they are ready before entering society.
In fact, with her current energy and knowledge reserves, she simply cannot meet the needs of children.
The daughter said bluntly: she is not qualified to be a teacher.
Like many people say: School is the first micro-society that children are exposed to.
Here, children must not only learn knowledge, but also learn to get along with people and cope with competition and challenges.
These advantages are not available in most family education, but they are also the basic qualities for children to enter the society.
Parents will have a natural desire to protect their children, but if they are overprotected, it is not love, but a harm.
What we can do is not to choke on food and cover the child on his wings, but to give him the courage and ability to cope with difficulties and let him soar alone.
When it comes to the family with the most children in this documentary, it is definitely Noel and Sue.
In 30 years, they had 22 children, plus 4 dogs, and also broke the British record.
At the time of the documentary, the family's 15th child was about to be born.
Although it was about to go to the pot, Mother Sue still held up her towering belly and took care of the housework, because there were too many children.
Every day at 7 a.m., she would wake up the children one by one, help them get dressed, and prepare breakfast.
It is not enough to rely on the mother alone, and the older children will also help the small ones get up.
By the time they finally packed up and were able to go out to school, 2 hours had passed.
The effort and time is part of raising so many children and the cost of living is high, with £400 a week for food.
With one dinner, they can eat 16 pork chops, 3 cabbages, 25 carrots and 7kg of pumpkin.
So the burden on Dad's shoulders was quite heavy. He has been busy in his pancake shop since 5 a.m.
After her mother Sue finishes her housework, she will also go to the store to help and maintain the family's livelihood.
If you are so tired, why do you have to raise so many children?
This has to start from their childhood, the couple was abandoned by their biological parents and sent out for adoption.
The lack of parents makes them particularly eager for family and afraid of loneliness.
Having so many children, although it is very tiring, they feel very happy, because this will never be lonely.
However, I thought that this family had the most children and the heaviest burden, but I did not expect that their family was the happiest of the 3 families.
This has a lot to do with the way Noel and Sue raise their children.
First of all, every child, who is unique in this family, can feel the love of their parents.
They will all have their own strollers as a welcome gift for new students.
Children can dress themselves without losing their personality and aesthetics because they are in a big family.
The family spends a lot of money, but a part of the money will be set aside for each child's birthday and prepare gifts.
This sense of ceremony also gives children a strong sense of belonging and happiness about the family.
Second, Noel and Sue create a strong emotional connection between children.
Before each child is born, the couple will take the eldest children to the maternity check-up together to cultivate feelings.
Every holiday and weekend, they also go out to play, vacation...
In each other's company, the emotions between children are slowly cultivated. Older children also take responsibility for helping parents take care of younger family members.
In life, we often hear families with many children complaining about the spoils before their children.
But the Noel family proves that the key to whether a child is happy or not may not be at home, but in the parenting style of the parents.
As long as they are given enough love and security, they are happy.
In addition to the large number of children in these 3 families, there are exactly 3 different models in the concept of parenting:
The mother of the Lewis family wants her daughter to help her dream come true and compensate for her childhood;
The Tania family only wants to have more children and protect them, but it is a little excessive;
And noel's family has the most, they are also making up for their own shortcomings, but the difference is that the original family is not perfect, they have done their best, with love and companionship to give their children a happy childhood.
Whether to have children or not, how many children to have, each family has its own choices.
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| Editor-in-Charge: Teacher Dabao
Teacher Dabao Q&A
This article is an article on the special topic of "Family Education" in Parents' Horizons.
Dear ones, after reading their story, how many children do you want to have? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. ~^.^