Author: Chestnut
Parents Research Institute (ID: mama_cn) original debut
01
How long have you not slept since you became a mother?
A few days ago, Cai Shaofen, a mother of three children, publicly admitted that she had not slept for ten years.
After reading her schedule, netizens have sighed: Isn't this just ourselves?
At four o'clock in the morning, when others are asleep, the younger son will wake up in the middle of the night to find a pacifier to eat;
If the daughter needs it, she will get up at about five o'clock to help her two daughters who go to school cook and comb their hair;
After the two daughters went to school, the third child's youngest son also woke up, and then began to feed the younger son and take him out to play;
At about 11:30 p.m., mother and son went home to cook, take a nap, and then pick up their daughters from school.
When the third child's youngest son was in trouble, Cai Shaofen still had to play acrobatics to hold him and cook rice.
This kind of cooking posture, really as a mother, has the conditions to get the same star.
The high concentration of bringing children and the tediousness of daily chores are both pressures on mothers.
Cai Shaofen also said frankly: "I don't lie to you, it's really hard!" ”
What sustained her for 10 years?
Her answer is a bit old-fashioned, but it is also the most direct: maternal love.
Prepare meals for your child when you are sick;
Even when a child talks about dreams, he can open his eyes in an instant...
After becoming a mother, as long as there is a little sound, I will be alert.
This is a bit of a nervous alertness, an instinct to be a mother, and a sense of responsibility.
And mothers, unconsciously, have changed with this sense of responsibility.
As Cai Shaofen said: After more than ten years of marriage, she is Zhang Jin's wife and mother of three children, but she has never been herself!
This sentence of hers is like a representative of the department: from the moment she became a mother, the trajectory of her life involuntarily changed.
02
When I become a mother, the child is the rhythm of my life
Some people say, don't you just take a child, why do you think that Chinese mothers have a lot of things?
The person who asked this question must not have brought a child: with a baby, the whole world is the same as a mother!
After becoming a mother, the center of life shifts to the child, and all the itineraries are based on the child and the family.
How far is it not free?
After having children, even sleeping has become a luxury.
The People's Daily official Blog has forwarded a video from Melanie of Los Angeles, USA.
She has 3 children and she has to raise children alone because her husband works outside the home. Because it was almost impossible to get a good night's sleep, she recorded the footage with a video to see how long she could sleep each night.
So, we saw that she was woken up by 3 children all night.
He was woken up by the baby at 11:30, so he got out of bed and carried him to his bed to sleep with.
At 1 a.m., she heard another older child crying "Mommy," so she got out of bed again and took her in her arms.
After a whole night of tossing and turning, she began to get up at 4 a.m., and she continued to take care of the children and play with them with all her energy.
She lamented on social media that parenting doesn't end when the sun goes down, and it's hard to balance between having plenty of rest and meeting your child's nutritional and emotional needs.
If you're still breastfeeding, feed every two hours and wake up five or six times a night.
You can't sleep when your child sleeps, and as soon as you sleep your child wakes up.
At four o'clock in the morning, Beijingers are working overtime, Shanghainese are watching movies, Chengduians are eating hot pot, Nanjing people are visiting bookstores...
When the mother finished watching, she could only smile bitterly: I was taking the baby at four o'clock in the morning!
Not only was I with the baby at four o'clock in the morning, but I was with the baby at one, two, and three o'clock in the morning!
I was able to lie down and look out the window, and it was dawn.
Even if you lie in bed, you can't sleep steadily, and your heart is always worried about whether your child is crying, whether he is hungry, whether he can breathe...
When the children are a little older, they have to worry about their food, clothing, shelter and transportation, especially the tutoring homework, which not only urges people to grow old, but also kills people.
After being promoted to mom, I was gone on the road to lack of sleep.
If so, who wouldn't want a good night's sleep?
There was a short video of "Sleepless Mothers" before, in which mothers were sleepy on various occasions because they did not sleep enough: while driving, on the subway, even next to the photocopier...
Every portrait of a "sleepy family" you may have been familiar with.
Chronic lack of sleep is fatal to all.
But why is only the mother lacking sleep?
Probably because dads are gifted in sleeping.
I've seen a clip that makes people cry and laugh before.
Mom and Dad take the baby to sleep, and the baby sleeps in the middle.
Dad suddenly turned over while asleep, and pressed his head on the baby when he moved, and Dad did not realize that the baby was used as a "pillow".
The sleeping mother woke up in a second, pushed the father away, and successfully rescued the child from under the father's head.
On the other hand, Dad actually thought it was funny afterwards, so that the comment area exploded.
Dad's high quality in sleep has become the opposite of moms' "severe lack of sleep".
They will never understand why being a mother is always nervous, old can not put down the heart, anyway, the child let him play for a while will not have an accident...
Not only mothers, but women themselves seem to be naturally a little more sensitive to taking care of others.
Before that, there was a mother who watched the monitoring at home, and she almost lost her breath and bled.
The baby who is at home with his father is already crying on the other end of the monitor.
What about Dad?
Lie down on the couch and fall asleep. Through the video, you can hear his earth-shaking purr.
The anxious mother could only keep calling her father, but she did not expect that her father was still thunderous.
Just when the mother was in a hurry, the two nieces who were woken up came out to "save the scene".
One took away the crying baby, and the other learned to soak milk powder like a mother.
Such a big movement did not wake dad, and he slept soundly without noticing it.
Even the niece could get up and work for the mother.
He can be unaffected, and he can be regarded as a "sleep quality ceiling".
The nerve bars of dads have promoted the emergence of "pseudo-single mothers" to a certain extent.
From time to time, they experience isolation and helplessness on the road to parenting, obviously a marriage of two people, but only one person is in chaos.
03
After becoming a mother, I was still me, but I was no longer me
In recent years, I don't know how many mothers have been defeated by the one thing with their babies.
On April 21, 2019, a tragedy occurred in Miyi County, northeast of Panzhihua City, Sichuan Province.
A mother with three children jumped off a local bridge and died.
In her mother's suicide note, she wrote:
"I really can't stand it, after having twins, I haven't slept a whole night until now. Of course this is the path that mothers have to take, and I don't blame... I've really been on the verge of a breakdown every day for the past few years. ”
On April 22, 2019, in a small area of Xiangtan, Hunan Province, a 30-year-old woman jumped off a building with a four-month-old second-born daughter, and the media reported that her mother had postpartum depression and long-term insomnia.
Responsibility became a curse of their love, pushing down the last layer of protection.
Also with multiple children, Cai Shaofen can laugh and say: although it is hard, she also enjoys the process of taking children.
She can "hurt and be happy" without the man behind her.
As a father, Zhang Jin truly became a teammate, became her helper, and even let her have more self-time.
After the birth of the child, he got up in the middle of the night to feed and share the pressure of his wife.
Equally excellent is Zhang Xinyi's husband Yuan Hong.
In "The Man Who Does Housework", he gets up at six o'clock every morning to prepare breakfast for Zhang Xinyi, and when his wife eats, he is responsible for holding the baby and coaxing the baby; in order to let his wife sleep a little longer, he will quickly go upstairs and hold the child down when he hears the child crying.
In "Wife's Romantic Trip", he shoulders the burden of child-rearing alone, intimately records the daily eating and drinking of lhasa, adding up to tens of thousands of words, just to reassure his wife, to enjoy the trip without distraction, and to meet new friends.
And a mother on Douyin, every night up to feed, does not care about herself looks dirty, dirty and dirty.
But the husband not only did not dislike it, but also sat up and sat up with his wife back to back, and gave her a "human wall" to support.
Some fathers can take their sons to spoil their mothers.
A mother in Hengyang, Hunan, can not only sleep until 11 o'clock to get up, but also enjoy the lunch prepared by her two sons!
In the video, a boy complains that his mother does not get up until 11 o'clock every day, and he and his brother have to get up early every day to do homework and housework.
Not only that, but the boy cooks a lot of dishes, and he and his brother often work in the kitchen with their father.
There are no boys who are born to take care of people, but behind these two children who take care of their mothers while spitting out, there must also be a father who is willing to take care of their mothers.
The matter of taking a baby has never been a matter of one person.
A good lover should accompany and support each other, and implement the daily chai rice oil and salt to deal with the trivial skin of life.
With the strength of peers, the pressure of life also becomes the driving force for progress.
The sour, sweet, bitter and spicy of life is different because the adjustment is different and the feeling is different.
04
There is no freedom and freedom for the girl, but more tenderness and tenacity of the mother.
Although the burden on our shoulders is heavier, we have become stronger, broader and more powerful.
When mom though bitter, though tired;
But the sweetness of being dependent on the child, the happiness of a connection in life, and the pleasure that can only be experienced after becoming a mother.
Moms, you're great and hard.
As papi sauce sang before:
"After all, I gave birth to a cub, how can I still be my former self?"
"But don't be afraid, go grow up, the next period will be a better life."
-END-
Parents Research Institute (ID: mama_cn), research on new knowledge of family education for 1-6 years old, is the mother's educational notes, is the father's baby guide, is the child's growth energy station. Please contact the Parents Institute for reproduction. Author: Chestnut. Some of the supporting images are sourced from the network, and if there is infringement, delete them.
Editing in this issue: Chestnuts