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Life is like playing poker.
If you're not lucky enough, you'll always catch a few bad cards.
Some bad cards, when you catch your hand, you know that you have lost.
Zhang Lijun, 26 years old, is pregnant, but she has drawn the bad card of cancer.
This is the Douban high-scoring documentary "Human World" that came out in 2016, and wrote a recitation for Zhang Lijun.
After this recitation, the story of Shanghai girl Zhang Lijun began to be known to more and more people.
In 2015, 26-year-old Zhang Lijun and her husband had just been newly married for a year, and they still had more than 5 months of children in their stomachs.
Her husband was very affectionate with her, and her in-laws also cherished her as if she were her own daughter.
But at this time, she was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer.
(After Zhang Lijun fell ill)
My husband is 27 and I'm 26.
I can't call him for a lifetime, just live alone, he is old, he also needs someone to accompany him.
This strong mother refused to accept the doctor's advice on induction of labor.
After confirming that the child will not be infected with cancer, insisting on giving birth to the baby, the treatment began.
She used all her strength to bring the premature baby "Xiaolongbao", who weighed only 1 kilogram, to the world, but she missed the best treatment time.
In the end, when "Xiaolongbao" was about to learn to call "Mother", she was taken to another world by God.
26 to 27 years old, for a girl, it is the beautiful years of youth: striving for a career, holding hands with others, taking care of children.
But in Zhang Lijun's place, it became the last reward of God for her.
Holding this "final reward", Zhang Lijun gambled everything and lived to death, and finally drew a satisfactory but regretful end to her life.
At that time, when editing, I also cried into tears, and whenever I thought of the name Zhang Lijun, I panicked.
She desperately gave birth to the baby, but missed the best time for treatment, having just died a few months ago.
The most unfortunate thing is that her children are about to call their mothers...
This is a sharing of Qin Bo, director of "The World on Earth", when interviewed by reporters.
If it were not for the documentary "The World on Earth", Qin Bo and Zhang Lijun might not have intersected in life.
However, fate is so wonderful.
In the end, "The World on Earth" recorded the daily life of Zhang Lijun's countdown to life with the camera, and also recorded her last attachment to the world.
How far apart are the happy human world and the dark hell?
For Zhang Lijun, 26, it may be only the distance of a diagnosis document.
The first time we met Zhang Lijun, she had just been diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer.
At that time, she and her husband Han Shijun had only been married for less than a year, and there were more than 5 months of children in her belly.
(Wedding photo of Zhang Lijun and Han Shijun)
If there are no accidents, the lover is by his side, and the child is about to be born.
How happy Zhang Lijun was at that time, and how beautiful the future was for her.
However, even if the family's words have not been erased, and the new house has not lived for long, Zhang Lijun was eventually dragged into the abyss by a diagnosis letter.
I looked at her, confused, flustered, desperate, how she was going to face death.
Zhang Lijun pleaded with the doctor to save her and save her child.
However, because Zhang Lijun was pregnant, the doctor could not obtain tissue from the pancreas site.
Doctors biopsies the metastatic lesions that appear on their abdominal wall, and the pathological results are considered neuroendocrine tumors.
There was such a tumor in the tail of her pancreas, and if it had to be treated through surgical means, the child might not be able to keep it under the circumstances at that time.
In other words:
If you want to treat the disease in time, you may have to induce labor.
If you want to keep your child, you may miss the best treatment period.
Whether it is for Zhang Lijun or For Han Shijun, this is an extremely difficult choice.
Zhang Lijun's first reaction was that death would not induce labor.
And the reason why she did not induce labor when she died was that she could not bear that her husband would not be accompanied by anyone in this life.
(Zhang Lijun and mother-in-law)
Finally, after calming down and thinking rationally, Zhang Lijun still sought a doctor for more detailed consultation.
After making sure that the child would not be infected with cancer, she was determined to give birth to the child.
Some people say that Zhang Lijun is exchanging her own life for her child's life.
But Zhang Lijun didn't care, what she cared about was:
Even if my life is over, I will bring him into this world to see.
I've lived for 26 years, and he hasn't come to the world to see it yet.
Bringing your baby into this world is full of love for him.
I'm going to watch him grow up and I'm sure my decision was the right one.
This is a mother's love for her child that goes deep into the marrow of her bones, and the unparalleled expectation of her child coming into the world.
For this love and expectation, Zhang Lijun is willing to exchange one life for another.
As soon as there was a negative emotion, the baby kicked me twice.
I was still in a daze, and suddenly it seemed like there was nothing to think about.
I can eat and fall asleep, the baby is still active in my stomach, and he is giving me strength from time to time.
In this way, in the complex mood of expectation and worry, Zhang Lijun is about to usher in a caesarean section.
At 29 weeks + 6 weeks of pregnancy, in order to give the baby a greater chance of survival, doctors advised her to extend the pregnancy by one week before caesarean section.
Waiting another week means that the tumor on the body will also spread rapidly.
If she drags on any longer, her chances of surviving will be greatly reduced.
Only 26 years old, who is not afraid of death to knock on the door, let alone a thin woman.
No matter how much you comfort yourself to be strong, you can't offset the fear of watching death approach you.
As a bystander, we can't understand how much struggle Zhang Lijun has experienced in the past few months, and how she survived 24 hours a day, but she finally chose Bo.
After consultation between the doctor and the family, it was decided to give priority to adults and have a caesarean section after 3 days.
(Zhang Lijun and her husband Han Shijun)
The outcome of being pushed into the operating room cannot be predicted by anyone.
Therefore, Zhang Lijun decided to record a video for the baby and tell the child about this decision in person:
We named you "Little Dumpling" because Dad is a dragon and Mom is a snake.
A heavenly dragon is an earth dragon, so you are "Little Dragon Bao", which is pronounced "Xiaolongbao" in Shanghainese.
Because your mother is in special health, you have to face a premature birth.
But no matter what, your mother loves you, and your mother will do her best to give you the best, so that you can be healthy, healthy, happy and happy.
Three days later, at 7:00 a.m. on December 3, 2015, Zhang Lijun was the first to be put into the operating room.
In premature babies born at 7 months, the lungs are not mature and suffocation can occur at any time.
Therefore, as soon as he was born, he was put into an incubator and sent to the neonatal intensive care unit of Shanghai Children's Hospital.
The head nurse in the pediatric ward is already standing at the operating table, moving his hands, ready for rescue.
Fortunately, although the birth was premature, after the doctors' intubation rescue, the two-pound "small dumpling" survived.
The doctors took the "small dumplings" to his mother's side and asked him to kiss her mother.
The little guy seemed to sense his mother's anticipation, and opened his eyes wide, his mouth pressed against his mother's cheek.
Seeing that the baby was born safely, Zhang Lijun, who was like a battlefield, finally unloaded the tension in her whole body.
She said she did it, and finally brought "Xiaolongbao" to this beautiful world.
The moment she was pushed out of the delivery room, for Zhang Lijun, although the battle on her life road was still early to end, at least this vicious battle finally returned triumphantly.
And from that moment on, Zhang Lijun felt that she was no longer fighting alone.
With a lover and children to accompany her, she will live stronger.
Zhang Lijun named her son Han Heming, taken from the "Book of Poetry" in the "Crane Ming in Jiugao, sound in the sky".
Father Han Shijun told the story behind the name in front of the camera:
The crane chirps in the swamp, but its voice can be heard above the Ninth Heaven, and it can still make its voice tenaciously in the face of adversity.
In the eyes of Zhang Lijun and her husband Han Shijun, the son is a symbol of hope.
How they hope that their son can grow up healthily, grow tenaciously, and bloom the excitement of his life step by step.
On December 9, 2015, on the 6th day after childbirth, Zhang Lijun was transferred from the obstetrics and gynecology ward to the Pancreatic Surgery Department of Shanghai Ruijin Hospital to prepare for surgery.
Gastroscopy, colonoscopy, liver puncture, Zhang Lijun did a full body examination.
However, eventually paraffin slices, after the pathological report came out, disrupted all preparations:
Her cancer was worse than previous test results.
More than two thousand pancreatic tumors, doctors have never encountered such a situation.
Zhang Lijun was diagnosed with a more malignant cancer: cell carcinoma with an unknown primary lesion.
Surgery is no longer meaningful, only conservative treatment, as long as possible to prolong life.
(Zhang Lijun and her family together)
What kind of pain is it for a person to watch his life enter the countdown?
Zhang Lijun has never sent a circle of friends after her illness, and before chemotherapy, she sent a selfie with a text:
Fate is predestined, destined to encounter this disaster, luck is going to turn, please give me more luck, let me accompany my husband and children.
I want to hear my baby call me "Mom";
I want to go on a trip with my husband again with a long hair shawl...
She has a deep attachment to the world, but God really has little time left for her.
Good feelings, relentless condition, the doctors of treatment finally also gave their professional advice:
Use palliative care to delay her life as much as possible, reduce her pain, and give her more joy and freedom.
Help her fulfill her last wish and don't let her leave with regrets.
Chemotherapy means losing hair.
Zhang Lijun, who has always been very strong, can no longer hide the fear in her heart, crying and asking Han Shijun, is there still a chance to grow hair?
But it was only at that moment that she immediately laughed optimistically, wearing a wig without hair.
After chemotherapy, you can no longer bask in the sun.
Zhang Lijun seized the only opportunity left and stood in front of the window to feel the sun.
After a period of chemotherapy, Han Shijun decided to take Zhang Lijun home.
Let her enjoy the warm time of the family at the end of her life.
(Zhang Lijun basking in the sun in the ward)
That night, they walked out of the hospital, crossed the lively street, and returned to their long-lost, warm little home under the gaze of the stars.
From leaving home last year to returning home this year, Zhang Lijun seems to have a very long dream.
There is pain and despair in dreams, but there are also surprises and hopes.
In her dreams, she kept moving forward until she reached where she wanted to go the most.
If life comes to the last moment, I don't want to die in a hospital bed full of tubes.
The last thing to go is to walk either at home, because home is the warmest place or in a beautiful place.
People who have watched the documentary "The World on Earth" will unconsciously feel sorry for Zhang Lijun, who is thin and weak.
But even on her deathbed, her small body still contained amazing power:
Don't compromise, don't give up, and continue to fight.
On January 4, 2016, the "small dumplings" in the neonatal ward of the Children's Hospital were full moons.
Zhang Lijun went to see him at the Children's Hospital for the first time.
Seeing the "small dumplings" with their hands and feet moving around, Zhang Lijun sang children's songs to him through the incubator:
My baby, my baby, give you a little sweetness and keep you up all night.
My little devil, tease your eyebrows and make you like the world...
In the shot, Zhang Lijun choked up as she sang, and tears brushed down.
Off-camera, I don't know how many viewers have already broken their defenses, crying in their hearts and feelings.
In that moment, people saw the deepest love in the world:
I don't have much time, but if I have it, you have the whole world.
As the days go by, the "little dumplings" are also growing day by day.
(The couple went to visit "Xiaolongbao")
Zhang Lijun is worried that after "Xiaolongbao" grows up, she has no memory of her mother, and she decides to do something.
In the end, she decided to record 18 birthday wishes for "Xiaolongbao".
After two months in the incubator, Xiaolongbao was finally able to go home.
But at this time, Zhang Lijun's condition suddenly deteriorated, and one eye could not see.
When Han Shijun saw his wife like this, he was so distressed that he kept wiping away his tears.
Zhang Lijun comforted her husband, at least one eye is very good.
She also encouraged herself to cherish all the abilities she had, including speaking, including listening, including the normal thinking of the brain, and lowering all the requirements to be content.
Women are weak, but mothers are strong.
Zhang Lijun, known as "pregnant strong", began to record birthday wishes for "Xiaolongbao".
Hey, Xiaolongbao, today is December 3rd, 2016, and we Xiaolongbao is one year old.
Mom is here to wish you a happy birthday, come, first call a "mom" to listen...
She lost her hair, the tumor grew out of her forehead, and she began to vomit after eating.
There are many tumors on the body, and I am afraid that people will touch it in the bath, and it will hurt...
But she still gave all the tenderness of the last to "Xiaolongbao":
Whether your mother is by your side, in heaven, or anywhere, she loves you the most, cares about you the most, and will always guard you.
In the spring of 2016, Zhang Lijun finished her last chemotherapy treatment in the hospital and spent the New Year with her family.
(Family New Year)
Valentine's Day on February 14 is the second anniversary of the marriage of Zhang Lijun and Han Shijun.
Han Shijun booked a French restaurant next to the Huangpu River.
The two enjoyed a wonderful candlelit dinner there and agreed to eat the Bund together on the third anniversary.
Perhaps, Zhang Lijun knows that she will never have the opportunity to accompany her husband to eat Bund food.
So, taking advantage of her husband's opportunity to go out for a haircut, he secretly recorded a video.
When recording the video, Zhang Lijun sang Zhang Guorong's "Spend Together":
There is nothing for you, but please,
Thank you for staying with me in the wind and rain,
Farewell to you today, but please love fire,
Living in your heart, parting is like spending together.
It is true that even if they are about to be separated, they still live in each other's hearts and have spent time together.
In Zhang Lijun's life, she did catch a few bad cards.
But after experiencing so many ups and downs, Zhang Lijun looked away, and she said to the follow-up staff:
If you catch more bad cards, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose.
She had despaired, how I was going to face death;
Later, she asked herself, how can she be alive?
So, she doesn't want to die in pain, she has to try to live.
Han Shijun knew that in his wife's heart, there was still a wish to go out with him.
So, he sold a house, went through all the formalities, and took Zhang Lijun to the United States, where he traveled while undergoing chemotherapy.
This year, they walked through the spring together to the summer.
Zhang Lijun is strong and optimistic to live, and Xiaolongbao is slowly growing up.
I thought that Heaven would continue to care for her, let the miracle happen, and let her accompany the child to grow up.
But in the end, in 2016, when Xiaolongbao was about to celebrate his first birthday, God still cruelly took Zhang Lijun away.
(Zhang Lijun and Han Shijun)
She could no longer wait for the day when "Xiaolongbao" called her mother, leaving her most beloved child and family forever.
Once, in the second half of the shooting, the staff who followed the shooting asked Zhang Lijun whether he would like to continue shooting, because he might shoot some painful face paintings.
Zhang Lijun said very frankly that she would not let herself go away in such pain, so these pains in the middle could not be called pain.
When we look at it from the perspective of a bystander, she may be unlucky.
But Zhang Lijun may feel that she is also happy.
Because before she died, she had been loved, always surrounded by love:
She has a lover who knows her and hurts her, accompanies her to hospitalization, chemotherapy, accompanies her nagging, accompanies her to do what she wants to do;
She has her in-laws who regard her as her own daughter, who did not abandon her when she fell into the abyss, and has always been with her;
She had a lovely son, and even if she couldn't grow up with him, he made her strong and brave.
So, in the words of netizens, everyone has to go to the end of the day, and she just arrives at the station first.
She has loved, feared, despaired, brave, determined, and happy.
Her life is forever fixed at the age of 27, but her story has been engraved in the hearts of countless people.
She has made countless people understand:
To live is to strive to love and live every day;
Cherish all the beauty of the world and the people who are good to themselves.
Today, Zhang Lijun has been out of this world for 6 years.
Maybe many people have forgotten her, but there are always some people who miss her silently in their hearts:
I miss every sincere smile she has, every word she has said, the way she has lived every day, and the happiness she has left her love to everyone around her.
Now, how is Han Shijun and "Xiaolongbao" living?
In June 2020, four years after Zhang Lijun's death, Han Shijun, the good husband who had circled many fans in "The Human World", received a license with his current wife.
They raise "small dumplings" together and love their children.
And Xiaolongbao has a lively personality, and the family gets along well.
Unexpectedly, this news has attracted a large area of negative comments from the network.
For a time, accusations, insults, crusades, etc. flooded the Internet.
Some articles even rely on this view to exaggerate and distort the facts, incite the emotions of netizens, and attract millions or millions of unscrupulous traffic.
They don't consider:
Children need to be cared for by a mother and need a healthy and sunny environment for growing up;
Han Shijun needs to be able to have her own small family and a woman who loves him, as Zhang Lijun expects...
No amount of reason is a reason in their eyes.
Under the banner of "women are not worthy", they hate that Han Shijun cannot be crucified on the "Chastity Arch".
There are also many gossip spread on the Internet: "Xiaolongbao" was not raised by Han Shijun himself.
He has already thrown the pot to his grandparents, grandparents, or has already passed it on to relatives.
I don't know how dark and hopeful those who spread the news are, and other people's lives should be chickens and dogs, not years of quiet.
Even if Han Shijun really chose such a path, it was also the most suitable choice for the growth of "Xiaolongbao" based on factual considerations.
Others, bystanders, cannot see through the truth of the matter and have no right to arbitrarily accuse.
Han Shijun's "good husband" image has not collapsed, do we have to see him "martyred", can we really love Zhang Lijun?
If it were you, would you be able to do it?
(Han Shijun and the "little dumpling" when he was a child)
The Scythians have gone, and now the people are safe.
Those who stay, only by living the present life well, is the best comfort for those who have left.
I wish Zhang Lijun well in another world, "Xiaolongbao" is healthy and happy every day, and Han Shijun has a warm love again.
Spring is warm and blossoming, the weather is sunny, I hope we can see more beauty in the unbridled spring light!
Author: Zhu Xiaolu & Lollipop
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