School has started, and after a few days of adaptation, many children have gradually entered the state of learning.
But there are still a small number of children who don't want to go to school for various reasons, and this is the case with my colleague's son. The reason turned out to be: I couldn't find a placemat, so I didn't want to go to school.
My colleague received a search call from his teacher and looked confused. So, in a fit of rage, he called the child's father and asked the child's father to send the child to school.
Many parents feel that their children are not interested in going to school after school, and they do not want to talk about school after school, and they look bitter and vengeful when they do homework, and they only play games happily.
For the procrastination of children's homework, parents "soared" a nameless anger in their hearts. But wait, the more you encounter this situation, the more parents have to stay calm.
We need to compare whether children have two distinct attitudes toward learning and other things. For example, the elation when playing games, the frustration when doing homework, and even the lack of confidence.
Why, just don't want to learn? If the child is full of confidence in himself and the teacher can teach him, then why does he feel depressed and depressed about going to school? There could be two reasons:
1. I don't understand the course
Second, I can understand it, but I won't actually do it
Parents do not want to accompany their children to do homework, but they can observe and ask more, "Do you understand?" "I understand the class, will I not do it when I do my homework?" This allows you to quickly and directly locate where your child's difficulties are.
If children are reluctant to go to school, there are some external situations that parents can also compare.
1. The teacher's teaching attitude
Second, the cynicism of classmates
3. Campus bullying
Hypertherapist Hyland once said that about 25 percent of the primary school students she received were reluctant to go to school, and by junior high school, the percentage was as high as 30 to 50 percent. Every child is unique, and the reasons why they don't want to go to school vary, and often they face three parts of stress in school: academics, relationships, and family.
If parents do not pay attention to the child's situation, but simply think that the child wants to avoid learning and force the child to go to school, it is likely to have the opposite effect. And parents who want to know their child's situation at school can also casually ask their child:
"Do you like to take Chinese/math classes?"
"Why do you like/dislike it?"
"Have your class ever nicknamed each other?"
If the child is bullied by his classmates, his expression will not be hidden, and if there is, he will speak in a broken voice, because he will show an expression of worry and fear. At this time, parents need to pay attention to it, can not ask too detailed, too detailed will cause secondary harm to the child.
If none of the above causes have happened, it means that it is indeed the child's inner cause. That is, the influence of three views: I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it.
Man is the most intelligent species in nature, and the human brain is also the most complex system. Since it is the most complex system, it also likes to deal with complex problems, and it does not like laziness and boredom, otherwise we would not have evolved to be what we are today.
Children will have the idea of "I can't do it" because they have encountered obstacles on the road to growth, and parents need to give them some support.
Like the rules of the success-failure effect:
Success Effect: When you accomplish something yourself, you will have confidence and be willing to challenge more difficult things.
Failure effect: Failure will lose confidence, resulting in worse and worse, stagnation.
When the car named "Child" gets stuck in the mud pit, the parent needs to take a crowbar and pull the child out of the mud pit. But now many parents have simply removed the car and even the wheel belt shell, which has completely destroyed the child's self-confidence.
"Did you listen carefully?" Why listen carefully and not do it now? ”
"You can play games and have fun, why don't you have any energy as soon as you do your homework?"
A reporter once recorded the conversation when the mother helped the child with homework, and then put it to the mother. When my mother listened, she said how this woman talked so badly. Shame is hard to be ashamed of when you know it's yourself. There are many parents who say something hurtful to their children but don't know it.
Children sound even more so, they are thoroughly denied by their parents, and the confidence that has been hard to build up is even more disintegrating.
In this situation, parents may as well stabilize their mentality and temporarily accept their children's current situation. Every parent has a standard in mind, but the child's total has a difference from his own standard. Anxiety and disappointment come from this difference space.
Only by stabilizing the mentality can we make good use of the "success or failure effect" law to help children find their best state. After that, parents should give the child a "dimensionality reduction", for example, the original difficulty value is 3, you can try to help the child to reduce to 2.
Give the child a successful experience, after the dimensionality reduction, the child may do it, he can build initial self-confidence. Knowledge is originally a continuous accumulation process, and parents should allow their children to complete this accumulation. This step can not only help the child, but also make the parents become tolerant and patient.
The second step, when the child builds self-confidence, slowly raise the standard, and gradually move closer to the A standard. Because the first step is successful, the second step will be successful. Many children encounter difficulties from emotions and moods, once successfully cross this hurdle, then the brain can easily cope with the difficulties.
Finally, parents should be tolerant and patient, as well as a certain degree of fault tolerance. After the test, many parents complained that the child was careless and deducted points that should not have been deducted. In fact, it is also possible that the child's brain cannot calculate, not the calculation and understanding errors. Parents should encourage him and help him until he understands.