The term "helicopter parenting" was coined by Dr. Haim Ginott in 1969. The term is used to define overprotective parents who are so thoroughly in control of every aspect of their child's life that it seems like they hover over their child like a helicopter. Other terms used to describe this phenomenon are "bulldozer parenting" and "lawn mower parenting.".
According to experts, helicopter parenting is a popular parenting method today, and one of the reasons is that parents want to eliminate all possible sources of disappointment in their children's lives. These parents are too aggressive in protecting their children from all possible threats, and they ultimately limit their children's freedom to act independently, make their own decisions, and learn from their own mistakes.
Helicopter parenting comes in different shapes and sizes. Here are some signs that can help you determine if you are a helicopter parent or not:
You have your child "tied to a leash."
Literally, you become a shadow of your kids, from school to friends' birthday parties, and you follow them all the time. When someone asks your child a question, you answer it.
You put on your child's shoes. Instead of letting your child solve the problem on their own (with the help you need to do), you are also anxious to do everything on their own. If your child has a conflict with their classmates, you should call the other child's teacher or parent instead of teaching your child how to behave in these situations.
You can't let your child fail. You want your child to succeed, and you are so involved in your child's school life that you don't limit yourself to calling your child's teacher only occasionally. You go further: You write their papers, do their projects, and make sure your child gets teachers, coaches, or classes that you think will help them succeed academically.
You make their lives too safe. You firmly believe that your child should have auxiliary wheels on their bikes, no matter how old they are, and you'll almost have a heart attack when your child travels with their class. Overprotective parents cannot relax, and they constantly see a mortal threat to their children in everyone and everything.
Why helicopter parenting is bad for your kids
If you ask overprotective parents why they choose this strategy to raise their children, they will most likely tell you that they do it because they love their children and want to make their lives happier. But in fact, this parenting style can cause children to simply not know how to deal with failures and setbacks in adult life.
Studies have shown that helicopter parenting can lead to school-related burnout among college students. Another study showed that parental wandering was associated with high levels of depression and low satisfaction with life.
Children of overly engaged parents don't have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and make important decisions in adult life. In addition, helicopter parenting gives children a signal that their parents don't trust their children to do things on their own, which can lead to low self-esteem.
There is something you can do to permanently retire from helicopter parenting
If you find that you feel "guilty" about some of the signs of helicopter parenting we mentioned above, then there are some effective steps you can take to change your parenting style:
Reconsider your child's schedule and make sure there is enough time and space for your child to relax and do whatever they want. Some free time without scheduled activities will spark your child's imagination and help them decide what they really want to do.
Trust your child and give them some age-appropriate daily chores.
Let your child fail and learn from their own mistakes. This is an important part of growth and learning and will help your child cope with failures and disappointments in adult life. This step will also help you accept your child's mistakes as a parent.
Learn to give in and let your child take risks. Learning by doing will improve your child's self-esteem. Let them know that you're always there to help when they need you, but don't interfere with their every decision.
If you feel like you can't find a good parenting style, talk to a parenting specialist or family psychologist.
What do you think about helicopter parenting?
If you have children, what is your parenting style?
Why choose it?