Hello everyone, I'm Mommy.
Talk about a privacy issue today: After having a baby, is your sex life still going well? Have you been affected by the baby?
Asked a few friends around, how much are a little affected:
Always afraid of waking up the child, the whole process is careful; there is no impact, after all, it is not smooth before the birth of the baby; the process is smooth, that is, the time to be able to be unbridled and happy has become less...
Compared with these "tiger and wolf words", the most difficult thing to say is that the sexual process is bumped into by children.
Friends said that she and her husband just entered the state, 6-year-old baby suddenly pushed the door into the mother, directly to her husband scared no, wa stunned in place at a loss.
A family of three, each with its own embarrassment. Sex life is bumped into by the baby, and many people will choose to treat it cold. One is to feel embarrassed and do not know how to explain to the child;
The second is that time can dilute everything, as long as everyone keeps their mouths shut, children can forget after a while. But is it really that easy to solve?
It is the child who is most hurt by the sexual life of the parents
Zhihu has a question such as "What was the experience of bumping into your parents doing indescribable events when you were a child, and how did it affect your future life?" Many anonymously answered their true experiences and feelings. Some people bump into each other when they are three or four years old, and when they grow up and play with friends, they will unconsciously have sexual fantasies.
Some people witness the whole process at the age of six or seven, and since then they have opened the door to a new world, becoming more and more curious about their parents' sex life, and even eavesdropping on sounds.
Someone bumped into him in the first grade of elementary school and began to masturbate frequently ever since.
There are also people whose brains are blank after bumping into each other, and although they don't know what their parents are doing, they feel sick physiologically. Even if you later learn that sex is normal behavior, you still can't control your nausea.
……
There are many more real experiences. People who have met their parents' sex life can not only remember it for a long time, but also easily produce a great psychological shadow. Children of different ages and genders will have different feelings.
When younger, sexually unconcerned children bump into their parents' sex lives, girls usually feel fear or hate their fathers; boys develop curiosity or precocious puberty.
After children with some sexual knowledge before and after puberty meet their parents' sex life, girls will mostly feel nauseous and uncomfortable, and may also have nervous anxiety; boys will feel embarrassed or have a strong sexual urge.
Of course, each child's psychological condition is different, and the above feelings are not absolute.
But overall, the impact of bumping into the sex life of parents is more harmful than beneficial to children.
How should I deal with sex life when my child bumps into me?
In this case, cold treatment is not advisable.
Baby is just young and ignorant, not stupid enough to have no memory.
Instead of risking to leave a psychological shadow on your child, it is better to calm down and communicate with them. When sexual behavior is bumped, do not reprimand the child, it is best to divert the child's attention at the first time.
You can ask your child, come to find mom and dad for something, and then guide your child away. If your child asks "what are you doing", don't say "Didn't do it", "Mom and Dad are playing games", "Mommy makes a mistake, Daddy is punishing her"... It is not advisable to lie.
The best thing to do is to tell them what their parents are doing. If the baby is young, it can be explained like this: "Mom and Dad are doing a very intimate thing, just like kissing and hugging." If the baby says "I want it too", patiently tell them:
"This kind of intimate behavior can only be done when you grow up." If you want to be close to your parents, you can kiss, hug, and hold hands. If you want to be intimate with other people, hug and hold hands. ”
For children who are slightly older, especially around puberty, it is necessary to deal with it more seriously.
Because children of this age basically have a certain understanding of sex.
So we have to observe the state of the child first.
If the child is acting dazed, it means that their sexual knowledge is relatively lacking.
After getting dressed, go and ask the child if he knows what his parents are doing.
Through the child's answers, they can judge their sexual knowledge reserves.
Then take the opportunity to give the child a bit of sexual knowledge, roughly talk about the second sexual characteristics, sexual behavior is what.
You can refer to the sex education content I wrote before: "Mom, my little chicken has hardened" 15 most shameful sexual questions, so answer the child...
Breasts, menstruation, throat knots, pubic hair... How should these "taboo words" be explained to children?
Don't be too nervous, just like you usually chat, just relax and talk to your child.
If the child shows panic or embarrassment, it means they know that sex exists.
At this time, we must give the child time to calm down, and it is best to communicate with them every few hours.
When communicating, first express your apologies to the child: "Sorry to let you see the private behavior of parents and parents, we will protect the privacy next time." ”
Because normal sex life in our eyes is a very stimulating visual and psychological impact for children.
The apology is to dispel the child's depressed emotions and make them understand that it is not their fault to bump into such a thing. At the same time, it can also make children realize that this is a private act that needs to be carried out in a private space.
Next, we should ask the child, after seeing this picture (or hearing the sound), what is the psychological feeling? Will it reject this behavior of parents? Children may feel uncomfortable or unable to speak, but they can say something like this:
"Mom and Dad understand your feelings, you have emotions, it's difficult to accept for the time being, this is normal." But we want to tell you that when two people are in love, sex is a very normal and beautiful thing, which is definitely not shameful.
Mom and Dad also hope that when you become an adult, you can meet someone you like and feel this beauty. ”
Just click to the end, leaving room for children to think for themselves.
In addition to the above situations, there is also a situation where the child overhears or sees, but the parents do not know it.
In view of this situation, it is recommended that everyone pay more attention to the state of the child after each sex life.
If the child's temperament or behavior changes greatly, it is most likely to be affected. We can take the initiative to ask the child if he heard or saw anything.
After the child gives a positive response, gently stroke them and give the child some comfort. Then tell the child: Parents' sexual behavior is a normal thing, it is private, but there is no shame. Finally, let the child rest assured: sorry to affect you, parents will pay attention to protect their privacy in the future.
How to avoid being bumped into by children for sex?
No amount of remedies can erase what children see or hear, and can only reduce the psychological shadows they produce.
How can I avoid being discovered by my child?
I have summarized 4 key points for your reference: 1. Do not engage in sexual activity around children. An elder brother said that he started activities with his wife at 12 o'clock at night, and as a result, his sleeping 3-year-old son suddenly woke up and said to them, "You really can play."
I felt suffocated across the screen.
So as long as the child is around, even if the time is late and they sleep soundly, do not start sex. Because you don't know if the baby will suddenly wake up, and you are not sure if they are pretending to be asleep.
2. Sleep in separate rooms with your child as soon as possible.
If you have been sleeping with your child and going to another room during sex, your child will wake up in a sense of insecurity. When they grow up and understand things, they will also blame themselves for not understanding things when they were young.
If possible, the child can sleep in a separate room after the age of 3. Couples have space to live and cultivate their children's independence.
3. Reduce the active volume. Many people who have met their parents' sex life have said that witnessing the process is not the most terrible, but hearing the sound is.
Quiet at night, the sound is amplified.
So it's best not to have too much movement noise unless you can make sure that the house is very soundproof.
You can also test yourself, turn off the lights at night, one side is talking in the bedroom, the other party goes to the child's house to listen, probably know how much decibel sound is more appropriate.
4. Cultivate children's awareness of privacy. After the child is 3 years old, you can appropriately establish family rules to make children have a sense of privacy, such as: when the door of the parents is closed, you must knock on the door or ask first, and then come in after getting consent; what the parents say and do at home, do not tell others casually.
Do the above 4 points, basically you can have a relatively safe sexual space.
Layers of increased sex life, may be a little depressing.
But there is no way, there is a gain and a loss.
At the same time as having a baby, it is bound to lose some opportunities for freedom and happiness.
When the baby is at home, let's treat them as a person and take into account their feelings. Finally, whether it is "sexual bliss" or not, remember to light up "watching".