February 6, is the birthday of duoduo, the eldest daughter of actor Huang Lei Sun Li and his wife, and the couple posted on Weibo at the same time, wishing Duoduo a happy birthday.
Compared with Huang Lei's short sentence, Sun Li's small essay recalls the hilarity of Duoduo's 10th birthday and the unforgettable 4th birthday, no matter how to celebrate, it is a family together.
On today's 16th birthday, Sun Li described it this way: "This time on your birthday, you decided to spend it with a few good classmates, and we are only responsible for pick-up, ordering, and paying." ”
Obviously, Duoduo, who has grown into a big girl, has begun to long to get out of the arms of her parents, do what she wants to do according to her own ideas, and celebrate her birthday with her classmates is a sign of growing up.
Huang Lei Sun Li fully supported and cooperated with Duoduo's choice, although she missed the scene of Duoduo's previous birthday, but seeing Duoduo's excited and happy look, she said, "We are also happy and happy." ”
More importantly, as a parent, Huang Lei Sun Li understands that children will grow up one day, break free and leave the arms of their parents, which is the only way to grow.
As Sun Li wrote: "And we have also begun to slowly learn to spend your birthday with you in some new ways, and you will go farther and farther in the future." ”
Although there is a lot of reluctance between the lines, this is the inevitable drifting between parents and children, and parents can only send full blessings, rather than blocking the pace of children leaving.
As the comments that received more than 8,000 likes under Weibo said: "Giving strong intimacy when the child is young, and learning to withdraw gracefully after the child grows up, care and separation are all tasks that parents must complete in the child." ”
Taking care of children growing up is the responsibility of parents, and most parents can do a good job, but gradual separation from their children is more important, but not all parents can do it.
However, whether parents want to or not, children will eventually grow up and will eventually fly to their own sky, and the sooner parents know how to let go, the sooner they will cultivate eagles that spread their wings and fly high.
【1】
The older the child, the more distant he is from his parents.
Diver Tian Liang's eldest daughter, Sen Di, was born on April 15, 2008, and is now a 14-year-old girl.
On Sen Di's 11th birthday, Tian Liang posted on Weibo and sighed: "A few years ago, the little girl who cried on my shoulder was a year older. ”
However, while Tian Liang was relieved, he also felt that he was "abandoned" by his daughter, because his next sentence was: "Sen Di and his good friend remember to go home early after their birthdays." ”
It turned out that compared to Huang Lei's family, Sen Di's 11th birthday chose to spend it with good friends, and the children really rushed to grow up!
On the day of Sen Di's 12th birthday, he was very happy to see Sen Di open gifts, but Tian Liang said that he had mixed feelings in his heart, "On the one hand, I hope that you will grow up quickly, and on the other hand, I hope that you will never grow up tangled!" ”
Parents all hope that their children will grow up as soon as possible, but it is difficult to be willing to hold the child's intimate feelings, and all parents can empathize with Tian Liang's inner words.
But even so, no one can stop the child from growing up day by day, just like on the 13th birthday of Sen Di, Tian Liang's first blessing is "Happy 13th birthday to children who grow up on time!" ”
Even though Tian Liang "complained" and said, "You no longer share your birthday wishes with your father", he understands that the relationship between Sen Di and his parents is becoming more and more distant, but he still wishes: "Grow up slowly, and then go to the world!" ”
This is the natural law of children's growth, not what parents can block, so be the "guardian" behind the child, and watch the child go to their future.
I once heard a saying: All love in this world points to aggregation, and only the love of parents points to separation.
It is deeply believed that parents raise their children to grow up, not to occupy their children's lives, but to cultivate their children's survival skills and give their children more room to grow in time.
【2】
The more parents know how to separate, the more open their children's futures become.
During the Spring Festival holiday, when the big family gathers, the cousin holds the hand of lele, the son of the second year of junior high school, and when eating, the cousin gives Lele a meat ball for a while, and asks Lele if he wants to drink soup.
Lele, who is taller than his cousin, has a cold face the whole time, and what his cousin asks him to eat, he eats mechanically, and he does not have the vitality that a young man should have.
Children are not appendages of parents, and the more closely parents and children are tied, the more breathless the children are, where is the better future?
First of all, understand that children are independent individuals and have their own lives.
Wu Zhihong said in "Having a Life With Your Decision": "The most important thing in life is three propositions, the first is narcissism, that is, to be yourself. ”
Children come into this world through their parents, but children are not their parents' personal belongings, they are independent individuals with flesh and blood and thoughts, and they have their own way of life.
Parents must not say to their children, "You were born to me, you must listen to me!" "Without me, where are you?" "I can give birth to you, and I can strangle you!"
The original child's sense of independence will germinate with growth, and these "overbearing" remarks of parents will make children confused, and the sense of independence will gradually be snuffed out by parents and unable to grow up independently.
Only when parents treat their children as independent personalities anytime and anywhere can they gradually cultivate the vigorous vitality of children who know how to work hard for their own lives in an equal and respectful family atmosphere.
Second, develop your child's ability to be independent and prepare for separation.
I watched a small video, the eagle pushed the newborn eagle off the cliff, the eaglet stumbled to the bottom of the valley, in order to survive can only do their best to flap their wings, it is very sad to see.
We understand the eagle's intention to cultivate the eaglet's independence, but we know better that in the process of the child's gradual growth, we must cultivate the child's independent ability in order to let the child and the parents be separated smoothly.
I have a son in the sixth grade of elementary school, who not only makes the bed, sweeps the floor, but also cooks simple home-cooked dishes, which I have learned step by step, and he has learned little by little.
Many parents are reluctant to keep their children away, a large part of the reason is that they feel that their children cannot take good care of themselves, and they are afraid that their children will not live without their parents.
And truly far-sighted parents are starting to exercise their children from simple eating and dressing, in order to be able to fight for a better future on the basis of supporting themselves when their children leave home.
Third, always stand behind the child and be the child's backing.
Sun Li said to Duoduo: "We will always accompany you with our hearts and love you forever!" ”
Tian Liang said to Sen Di, "In Daddy's place you can always be our little princess, free, all dreams are satisfied!" ”
It is not difficult to see from the words of parents that no matter how far the child will go in the future, the parent will always be the child's safe haven, and it is the strong backing that the child can see as soon as he turns back.
Children grow up is not an overnight thing, but the process of constantly touching the world, there will always be difficulties and setbacks, and the parents behind them are the children's courage to move forward.
Children who feel the love and support of their parents will never cut off the connection with their parents on the road of going farther and farther, but because of the more experience, the more they can understand the heart of parents.
【3】
The so-called parents and children are a gradual separation.
On February 8, at the 24th Beijing Winter Olympics, 19-year-old Chinese girl Gu Ailing won the championship of the freestyle ski women's big jump, winning the third gold medal for China!
During this time, this mixed-Race Girl has been the focus of public opinion, not only because she announced her Chinese nationality at the age of 16, but also because of her growth in ice and snow sports.
Because her mother was a ski instructor, Gu Ailing, who grew up with her mother, also loved skiing since she was a child and won many international trophies.
When Beijing successfully applied for the Winter Olympics that year, 13-year-old Gu Ailing set herself a goal to compete in, confidently and generously saying: "In 2022, please come to see me." ”
Her parents fully supported Gu Ailing to realize her dreams, not only creating various conditions for her training, but also often taking her back to Beijing to feel the charm of traditional Chinese culture.
Gu Ailing grew older and more independent, and in this final, her third jump scored a maximum score of 94.5 points with an incredibly difficult move, laying the foundation for winning the championship.
She said in a post-match interview: "This [action] was something I thought about last week during training, I never did it on the snow, and after the second jump, I saw that I was second and I chose to do this action. ”
It is the support and letting go of her parents that makes Gu Ailing, who is now standing in the Olympic arena, not only fearless, but also more stable and farther, and achieve a perfect separation from her parents.
The Tang Dynasty poet Meng Jiao wrote in the "Wandering Zi Yin": "The mother's hand is threaded, and the wanderer is clothed." The seams are tightly sewn, and I am afraid that I will be late. ”
Truly far-sighted parents will not stop their children from traveling far, but will turn their heartfelt love for their children into "dense seams" and give their children warm companionship all the way.
Only in this way will the child grow up independently, and the parents will be pleased with the growth of the child and complete the inheritance and creation between each other.