Most children love small animals, and some also have small pets at home. When the family pet dies, the child must be very sad, how should the parents deal with it?
For example, Xiaofang's little hamster died in the morning, and she was very sad.
The mother then comforted her and said, "Don't be sad, child, see that your eyes are swollen from crying, isn't it just a little hamster?" I'll buy you another one. ”
Who knew that Xiaofang cried even louder after listening to her mother's words. She kept shouting, "I want this little hamster of mine, not any other little hamster." ”
Mom felt that Xiaofang was simply making a fuss for no reason, so she let her cry alone and didn't bother to pay attention to her.
Xiaofang's mother is avoiding the sensitive topic of pet death, and she is also ignoring the feeling of her child's sadness.
In fact, many parents have the habit of avoiding negative topics, and they are worried that if they say it directly, their children will be more upset.
But in fact, when parents directly say how their children feel, the children will feel very comforted in their hearts, because he feels that someone can understand him.
Let's take a look at the above scene, how did Xiao Gang's mother comfort him?
When Xiao Gang said to his mother sadly, "My little hamster died this morning." ”
Xiao Gang's mother responded: "Oh, is it? I really didn't expect this to happen. ”
Xiao Gang continued, "I also taught him to play games together." ”
Mom said, "Looks like you're having a lot of fun together." ”
Xiao Gang said, "Of course, the little hamster is my good friend." ”
Mom went on to say, "It's sad to lose a friend. ”
It is this sentence that makes Xiao Gang feel that his sadness is understood. His heart felt much better. He went on to talk a lot about the pleasant experiences with the little hamsters. Mom responded to him, "It seems that you really care about that little hamster." ”
After this conversation, the child can smoothly digest the negative emotions, and the relationship between the child and the hamster will become a good memory in his mind. In the future, if your child encounters any unhappy things, he will remember to talk to you at the first time. Therefore, parents should learn to describe their children's inner feelings. Start with one or two words that describe your child's feelings, and then use one sentence to express that you understand your child's feelings.
In addition, we can also help children achieve their wishes in a fantasy way. For example, Xiaoling came home from school and told her mother that she wanted to eat pasta. Mom responded by saying, "I can tell you really want to eat, and on the weekend I'll take you out for pasta." "The mother is affirming the child's feelings. But XiaoLing hoped that she could eat it now. Mom said, "I wish I could make you a bowl of pasta now." Xiao Ling giggled after hearing this and said to her mother, "It's okay, let's eat again on the weekend." ”
The reason why this parent-child communication can be successfully completed is that when parents can understand their children's desire for something, they will be more likely to accept reality. If the mother denies the child's feelings at the beginning, saying, "Where am I going to find you pasta on this big night?" The meals at home are ready, and you just want to toss me. "The child may make a more violent noise when he hears it."
What should parents do when the child is particularly upset and does not want to pay attention to you at all? The advice is to let them draw their feelings. Drawing and painting, the child's negative emotions will be completely released. Parents just need to be by the side, and the child will feel your company and acceptance. When we help our children digest negative emotions, we will also avoid a lot of inappropriate behavior.