Hello everyone, I'm a tomato mom!
01
A few months ago, my junior high school classmates had a party. Although there were not many students present, there was one person who attracted much attention. That is the classmate Xiaoming, when Xiaoming was in school, his academic performance was not very good, and he was often bullied, and it was common to be teased and beaten. Later, he transferred before finishing junior high school, and there has been no news of him.
This time, Xiaoming came to participate in the classmates' association, which surprised the students. The car he drove was a Mercedes-Benz SUV, which was said to be multi-millionaire, and the watch he wore was about the same value as the car. Appearing in front of everyone in this way made those who bullied him change their appearance. They seemed to have been very good friends, not seen for many years, very affectionate, and exchanged contact information with each other.
After I went home, I said to my husband: "If this classmate's academic performance could be as good as his current wealth, it is estimated that he would have enjoyed such a star-like treatment." It seems that the world of children is the same as that of adults, and only if you are strong enough can you avoid being bullied. ”
So we discussed how children can avoid being bullied by their classmates. My husband said: "If our child is bullied, I will never ask him to fight back, this is not the way to solve the problem, but the parents shirk their responsibilities." Because children who can beat people with their hands are generally not bullied. If the child is not bullied, parents have always emphasized the use of force to solve the problem, and may also plant the seeds of violence in the child's heart. ”
I have to say that this paragraph of my husband's words is really very reasonable.
02
Every parent is afraid that their children will be hurt, and how to prevent problems before they happen is also a problem that every parent thinks about every day. A considerable number of parents do the same, and every day before going to school, they will instruct their children: "We must not be angry, someone beats you, you will fight back." "Teaching children to fight back, can it play a role in protecting children?" Through investigation and research, it was found that the effect was really not very good.
If the child is told by the parents every day to solve the problem by force, it may become more violent
I once met a boy in kindergarten who would beat up on the children if he didn't feel the best. If he makes a mistake, the teacher will try to educate him, and he will be attacked. A sentence that the child often chants in his mouth is: "My father said that no one can bully me, and whoever bullies me, I will beat him." ”
What is "bullying", the child can not distinguish at all, and such a situation, the father has been difficult to change.
Psychologist Bandura once did an experiment in which he randomly divided a group of children between the ages of 3 and 6 into two groups. Then, one group does nothing and the other often watches some videos of hitting people. After a period of time, each child was given a doll, and the children of the two groups had very different attitudes towards dolls. Children who often watch videos of beating people often beat dolls, while another group of children are more friendly to dolls.
We often tell children that fists can solve problems, and such children may become very violent and do not know how to communicate with others if they are not bullied by others. Just like many children like to watch the cartoon "Ultraman", after watching it, they will become fond of expressing their feelings with body movements, and they will beat children with their hands, which is the same reason.
A child with a weak personality and who is often bullied will not be able to teach him to fight back, and may be beaten even worse
Growing up, after so many years of school, I have also seen many classmates who have been bullied. Some of them have tried to resist, but it is generally difficult to succeed. On the contrary, your intention to try to resist is seen by the perpetrator as a provocation, and it is easier to arouse their willingness to hit people. Therefore, if you can't fight back, there are many people who are beaten even worse.
03
But if the child is bullied, the parents can not let the child fight back, should we watch him being bullied by others? Of course not. To prevent children from becoming the target of bullying, parents should always pay attention to their children and guide their children, which is more effective.
Cultivating your child's self-confidence can prevent your child from being bullied.
A person's aura can scare away bad people, especially among small children. If your child is a very confident and cheerful personality, he will have a very small chance of being bullied by others. General bullies will find those timid and fearful children to attack, which will reduce their chances of being resisted and reported.
Take your kids to exercise and become physically strong.
If you are a particularly strong child, you will generally not be bullied. After all, they are all children, and visually, they will not choose a person they may not be able to beat to bully. Therefore, parents take their children to exercise, and the child's physical strength is the best protective force.
Guide your child to become a sociable person.
Children who have a lot of friends can also become a way to protect themselves. A child's friend is a powerful force, they will unite, they will support and protect each other, and they will be a deterrent to the beater. Therefore, making more friends is also a way to protect yourself.
To avoid children being bullied, verbally it does not work, but also to make children feel more secure psychologically and physically.
Interactive topic: Parents and friends, has your child ever been bullied? How did you deal with it at the time?