In adolescence, how strong the parents are, how rebellious the children are!
Remember a tv series that was very popular before, "Little Joy"? Qiao Yingzi and her mother Song Qian in it are typical examples.
After Qiao Yingzi's parents divorced, she has been raised by her mother Song Qian, and it can be said that she is Song Qian's only reliance and spiritual sustenance.
Song Qian took good care of her in her daily life, from daily living to what university and major she should study in the future, she planned it for Ying Zi, but she never asked Ying Zi how she felt.
Song Qian often restrains Ying Zi's behavior in the name of love, and the sentence "Mom is all for your own good" chokes Ying Zi who wants to resist to the point of speechlessness.
But the third year of high school originally had a lot of pressure to study, Song Qian often did not allow Ying Zi to do this and that, did not allow her to often meet with her father, did not allow her to eat junk food, even her favorite Lego was not allowed to play, over time, Ying Zi felt more and more suffocated, she wanted to escape from her mother...
Finally, when choosing to volunteer for the college entrance examination, Hideko finally did not listen to her mother's words and chose Nanjing University, which was the farthest from home, so a very fierce quarrel broke out with her mother.
Her mother felt that Hideko could be so rebellious, and Hideko felt that her mother did not understand herself at all.
Her long-accumulated suffocation and grievances finally came to a big outbreak, she lost sleep every night, said her heart to the mobile phone, she even left home alone, came to the bridge to want to take a life...
Adolescent children, brain development and endocrinology are in a special state, if parents can not communicate with the child in the right way, it will inevitably trigger the child's rebellion, resulting in child pain, parental troubles, and finally only a chicken feather.
When a child first enters puberty, the dopamine secretion of the brain increases significantly, and by the age of sixteen or seventeen, the secretion of dopamine has reached its peak.
Dopamine is a signal that can transmit stimulus feelings, the more dopamine is secreted, the more excited people will become, manifested in adolescent children is to become impulsive, rebellious, moody and angry polarization, and more easily attracted to new things.
However, during this period, the amygdala in their brains responsible for decision-making is relatively lagging behind, their judgment is very immature, and when they are rejected by their parents, they will become irritable and unable to understand their parents' decisions, resulting in rebellious psychology.
In addition to the brain factor, their physiology has also undergone drastic changes, they quickly grow taller, closer to adults, this physiological change will also cause some psychological changes.
Parents who used to feel very authoritative have now changed their position in their hearts accordingly, and they no longer obey their parents, and they begin to think about the correctness of their parents' words and deeds, resulting in a rebellious psychology.
Parents must not be these 5 kinds of parents, thinking that they have spent a lot of effort, but they are the most disgusting to their children:
A parent who morally kidnaps in the name of love
Just like Qiao Yingzi's mother, using a sentence of "it's all for your own good" to move herself, never considering the child's feelings, and imposing her own ideas on the child, which will undoubtedly make the child resentful.
Parents who do not respect their children's privacy
There is a scene in "Little Joy" that is very impressive, that is, there is a transparent glass in front of Qiao Yingzi's writing desk, through which Song Qian can see Yingzi's every move, which makes people feel very suffocated.
Everyone needs to have their own space, and not respecting their children's privacy can make them very insecure.
3. Overly doting parents
Some parents are too doting on their children, afraid of everything their children will not get it right, and they all want to take a hand.
This will not only make the child lose the ability to take care of themselves independently, but also make the adolescent child feel that he cannot be trusted, and excessive care and nagging will aggravate their disgust.
Fourth, parents who like to compare
"What about other people's children..." This is what parents often say.
In fact, every child has a shining point, there is no need to compare the child with others, which will only reduce the child's self-confidence and enthusiasm, and will also have resentment, grievances and other emotions for parents.
Parents who are overly concerned about academic performance
Such parents take their children's academic performance very seriously, and even if the child only regresses a little, it will cause strong dissatisfaction.
This will make the child feel that he is a "learning machine", which is very detrimental to building a healthy parent-child relationship.
Puberty is known as the "red light period", "danger period", the child's psychology will become sensitive and rebellious, if the parents can not correctly face and deal with the problems with the child, often lead to serious parent-child conflict, which is what any parent does not want to see.
In addition, puberty is generally accompanied by strong pressure to go to school, and not dealing with the problems of puberty will also affect children's studies.