The bad emotions that parents vent at will are like a dagger that stabs the child's heart and flattens the child's edges and corners.
- Le Dad
Some people say that a happy childhood will heal a lifetime; an unhappy childhood needs a lifetime to heal.
Previously, there was a topic on the Internet # Children raised by irritable parents # brushed the screen.
Think about it, if parents are emotionally fragile and small things will begin to fluctuate, then what will become of children when they grow up?
How sensitive and fragile should the soul of a child who grew up in such a native family be?
This topic has deeply poked the hearts of parents and children, and has aroused strong resonance among netizens.
Emotionally fragile parents, the most typical performance, is that they can't control their mouths.
In "Desire Mountain Villa", it is said:
"A soft tongue can break a person's muscles and bones, and language can sometimes hurt people more than violence."
One sentence can make the child's heart like a knife; in one sentence, it can also make the child resist all the pain in the world.
Perhaps your emotions are not physically abusive to the child.
However, your fragile emotions at first, at first, have become the child's mental torture.
Children who grow up in such a family become walking on thin ice, afraid of making mistakes, pleasing their parents, and learning to be careful to avoid emotional explosions of their parents.
Parents probably don't realize what kind of harm their bad temper will cause to their children.
Your irritable emotions are strong enough to determine your child's character for a lifetime.
Juliet Virzi, a foreign psychologist who interviewed many children who grew up in such families, summed up 15 common personalities.
Let's take a look at what kind of child is your child?
1. Keep apologizing
Because the parents have a bad temper, some children will always apologize, for fear of triggering the parents' fiery temper.
Children who grow up in such a family will always remain vigilant and become cautious.
A child named Jodie B. said in an interview:
"I now like to do things alone, because if I am with others, when I am doing something, I find that others are looking at the watch, I will immediately start to panic, feel that I have delayed other people's time, and keep apologizing." 」
"Looking at the watch to check the time is obviously a normal thing, but for me, it will be terrible enough for me to immediately turn on the apology switch."
Another child named Natalie J. also said:
"I would apologize for all the normal things, there were different opinions, I would apologize, I couldn't help crying, I would apologize."
"I did my best to please everyone to keep the peace, and I didn't want to stand up and get attention, because if I did this at home, I would be blown away by the anger of my parents."
2. Think too much
Parents' emotions are easy to get out of control, which will cause children to think too much.
Because when the parents erupt, the child will think, is it that I have made a mistake again, and what I have done to make the mother unhappy?
Such thoughts can cause children to fall into the middle and be tormented by the bad emotions of their parents.
One child said in an interview:
"Everything, I think about it, so meticulously that I'm anxious, because I'm trying to prepare for the next thing that will disappoint you."
3. Be particularly afraid of disappointing people
This is the typical "flattering personality".
Such a child always tries to please others, take care of other people's feelings, consider the needs of others, and are afraid of others' disappointment.
Therefore, children with such a personality live so tired and live without self!
A child named Rye B. said: "Because of the fear of getting into trouble or getting angry, I try not to talk, try not to do anything." ”
"Even when you're with your closest friends, you feel like you have to get permission from them before you can speak and act."
4. Control
Emotionally irritable families will also raise children with a desire for control.
Some children feel like "I can't control my desire for control because I feel responsible for how everyone feels."
Such a child always tries to control everything within his control, so as not to make his parents dissatisfied with the slightest negligence.
Murphy M.说：
"My father was grumpy, and my mother was always a victim. So I tried to manage every little thing meticulously, so as not to explode, so that my mother would not suffer.
Now, as soon as things are out of my control, I feel very anxious because I feel that the situation is bound to get worse.
Because if I can't control everything, then something might upset some people, and it's all my fault, and not only am I in trouble.
It was exhausting, and no one was going to love me. ”
5. Take care of everyone
Your child is a "good old man", just ask you if you are tired?
Children who grow up in irritable families simply have experienced the wind and rain and know how to take care of their parents' emotions.
Therefore, when they deal with people outside, they will also know how to take care of other people's emotions and feelings, and even naturally become the role of big brother and big sister.
Chloe L.说:
"I will naturally take care of every one of them, because I have to do this all my life.
I have had to do this all along the way in my life.
But when I tried to take care of myself, I broke down. ”
6. Difficult to choose
In the TV series "Little Joy", the role of Song Qian, played by Tao Hong, is not only a mother with a strong desire for control, but also a fragile and sensitive mother.
She can cry and argue with her daughter over a movie;
It is also possible to destroy the secret base that Qiao Weidong created for his daughter;
It can also be in order to keep her daughter around, and cut off her way to apply for Nanda, resulting in Qiao Yingzi's long-term insomnia and collapse and jumping into the river.
She designs a future for Qiao Yingzi everywhere and chooses life for her daughter, causing her daughter to be wary of her mother while falling into endless painful choices.
Therefore, Qiao Yingzi would lose sleep for more than a month, and Nanda became the last straw that crushed her.
"It's hard for me to make a choice, or to make any comments.
Because throughout my childhood, my teenage years, and even my 20s, I wasn't allowed to decide anything on my own. ”
One child said so in an interview.
7. Ignore your feelings
Because parents are irritable, children try to hide themselves as much as possible to avoid direct conflict with their parents.
They ignore their feelings because there is so much pain in life that children have to be less miserable.
Jodi A. said, "I'll hide all my emotions instead of releasing them." ”
Another child also said: "I have to ignore my own feelings, and it is difficult for me to contact others." ”
8. Always please others
One child said: "My father abused me both physically and emotionally, and now, I don't talk about my feelings, but always try to please others, even if it means hurting myself." ”
Another child also said:
"I am always flattering, I am always careful to think of every sentence that is spoken, I am always pleasing others.
Because if I don't, I may face severe depression or sudden outbursts. ”
9. Feel like a supporting character in life
Some netizens said: "No matter how much I pay, I am the one who has been abandoned." ”
Such a child eventually lived himself into a supporting role in life.
Because they can't take the results into their own hands.
In the face of the bad emotions of our parents, it is difficult for us to live according to our own wishes.
10. Insecurity
The child's sense of security is given by the parents.
But if the parents are not in a good mood, and they can't move "how did I raise such a thing as you" and "just when I didn't give birth to you", how can the child be happy and feel safe?
Once, teacher Yin Jianli was a guest on the show;
The host asked her: What did your parents say that made you feel that it hurt you the most?
She replied:
My mother said to me in a hurry, I should not raise your daughter, and I will not expect you to raise you when I am old, I will live by myself.
Subsequently, another moderator proposed to do a survey on the spot to see how many people had heard their parents say such things.
Unexpectedly, 98% of the audience said they had a similar experience.
11. Feel that other people's actions always have a deep meaning
This kind of personality of the child is similar to "thinking too much".
There are children who say:
"Someone else's inadvertent remark, or a small body movement, will make me alert, make me think that he is hinting at something, and make me think about it."
"I often feel like these little clues are meant to prepare me for the breakdown of my life, to prepare me, and I'm even used to doing it and can't change it."
12. Refusal of person thousands of miles away
Parents are originals and children are photocopies.
Emotionally irritable parents always push their children away and isolate themselves.
Children under the influence of their parents always refuse to communicate with their parents and even others and get along well.
In this regard, a child said:
"When I'm depressed, I push everyone away because that's what my mom did.
I'm trying to learn how to get people into my life, but it's really hard to do because I simply don't know how to communicate properly with people. ”
13. Glass heart
Emotionally unstable parents are typical glass hearts, and when they encounter small things, they are shocked at first, and they are not stable at all.
And some children, under the influence of this emotion, will also become sensitive and vulnerable, and they cannot control their emotions well about anything.
14. Help others clean up the mess
In the TV series "Flowing Good Time", Yi Yao, the daughter played by Zheng Shuang, is a person who often helps her mother clean up the mess.
Because of the failure of the marriage, my mother drank heavily all day and her temper became extremely grumpy.
She was drunk all day, often throwing herself around, quarreling with the neighbors, and accusing Yi Yao at every turn, and getting angry at her.
And Yi Yao, on the other hand, can only clean up the mess for her every time: apologize to the neighbors, pull back the beer truck that her mother left outside, clean up the home that is confused by vomiting...
15. Empathy
This psychiatrist came to this conclusion that many people did not expect.
One of the children said:
"Growing up in a family like this wasn't entirely a bad thing, and I realized that when I was very young, I learned how to put myself in the shoes of others."
"When I was only 3 years old, my mom was crying and I went to buy her a stuffed teddy bear in her room."
Most of the above 15 personality performances are bad performance under the influence of emotionally fragile parents.
Would you rather have your own children like this?
These characteristics are worth reflecting on by every parent...
Presumably, all parents do not want to hurt their children because of their emotions.
Therefore, in the process of getting along with children, parents need to control their emotions, get angry with their children less, and talk to their children well.
Bao Bell once confessed in the "Hello Daddy" program that he had angrily slapped his daughter's dumplings.
Once, he took dumplings to the zoo to play, but when the zoo was about to close, dumplings did not want to leave.
Some people saw that the persuasion was fruitless and wanted to directly hold the dumplings and leave, but the dumplings were very unhappy and slapped the other party.
When Bao Bell saw this scene, he immediately became angry and gave his daughter a slap with his backhand.
Dumplings burst into tears, but Bao Bell did not calm down and asked no one else to comfort Dumplings.
The use of "countering violence with violence" and "fighting bad emotions against bad emotions" will only scare children into crying, and may not be able to play a very good educational role.
It is indeed wrong for children to hit people, but it is even more wrong for adults to hit children because they have not controlled their emotions and tempers.
For children, when their parents are out of control, it is a horror movie.
In a sense: the emotional peace of parents is the greatest education for children.
The child's good temper comes from the subtle influence of the parents and the guidance of words and deeds.
Parents for the way of doing things, the expression of emotions, the attitude towards life... None of them affects the formation of all behavior habits of children, including emotional management.
In "Parents' Emotions Affect a Child's Life", it is said:
"The good mood of parents can make children feel happy and confident, and is a booster for children's progress;
The bad mood of parents will make children feel depressed and inferior, which is the fuse that prompts children to be depressed and stagnant in their studies. ”
Parents are like a mirror, and the quality of emotions will be directly engraved on the child and become the way the child grows up.
Parents who lose their temper are like a time bomb to their children, never knowing when they will explode;
It is also like a virus, slowly corroding the hearts and minds of children, and the children's mentality is easy to collapse and be unrecognizable.
Finally, no matter how "angry" the situation is, please remember one sentence for parents: your good mood is the best feng shui in your family.
I hope that all parents will not be swayed by emotions and defeated by their own emotions.
In the relationship with children, it can effectively control emotions and give children a blue sky and white clouds of love to help children grow up healthy and happy.
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