Author/Child
A girl asked me this question: You say, what is my boyfriend thinking?
She sent me part of the chat records of the two people, and I looked at it and understood that this was another girl who was trapped in love and had a lot of inner drama. Their chat records prove two things: first, this girl loves her boyfriend more, so she is always looking for topics, telling each other about the small things in her life, boys have been a more perfunctory answer, sometimes she said several questions, boys may just selectively reply to one; second, they often do not contact this matter, there are some contradictions, girls want that kind of thing has a response, one by one has a falling love, but boys are often playing missing, Responding to her messages is also slower.
After talking a little more, I found that their love did not have that very sweet situation from the beginning, and the girl has been struggling with the question of whether he loves himself enough.
Because boys never took the initiative to find her. But if the girl is looking for him, he still replies, and then gradually chats more, and the two people develop into a romantic relationship, but the problems that bother her have not been solved.
In her words: "He always likes to run away from problems and likes to be cold and violent to me." ”
At this time, from an objective and rational point of view, I definitely think that this boy is not worth her to continue to fall into, blindly paying emotions, but also a huge investment in feelings, and it is difficult to get out.
According to my analysis, the relationship between them has been problematic from the beginning, the boy originally did not like her much, but there should be no more suitable person around, so he did not refuse her initiative.
But because he didn't like it, he couldn't take the initiative to really be good to her, how much he cared about her, and even the basic thing of contacting her was often forgotten.
It's just that he doesn't want to break up, so in the face of her questioning, he will certainly not admit the fact that he does not love, but say that she thinks too much and he loves her.
Did she believe it?
Although she was doubting his love, out of an instinct in her heart, she was willing to choose to believe.
Obviously, the two words of love, once on the top, most people do not hit the south wall and do not turn back, do not die in the Heart of the Yellow River, especially in this relationship to pay more, it is easier because of this unwillingness, can not easily withdraw their love, would rather moth fire, but where less to pay a point, will leave regrets, until the back of the completely clear, can really put down a person.
She is still in the middle and late stages of this relationship, and she knows in her heart that he doesn't care so much about himself, but she is still particularly conflicted because she loves him, and while trying to test, she also wants to consolidate this relationship.
They have been disconnected for three days.
Three days ago, because she talked to the boy about this problem again, and wrote him a short essay, to the effect that she did not want to accept him as perfunctory, hoping that he could give a clear attitude, if she did not like herself, say it clearly, do not give her hope; if she liked, I hope he can love himself well, give himself more security, rather than often ignore her, let her feel dispensable.
As a result, after this news went out, the boy never replied to her, just like many times before, she wrote tearfully here, hoping to cut the problem open and talk about it, and each other said what was in their hearts, but the boy's side was always silent, endless silence.
He never replied.
Until she began to take the initiative to talk to him, the boy would also ignore her, but the last question was not mentioned, she was afraid of causing a contradiction again, and she did not dare to mention it at that time, so the problem was covered again and again.
This time, she couldn't bear not to look for the boy, just wanted to see when he was looking for himself, and as a result, three days passed, and if she didn't take the initiative, the boy still didn't look for her.
In these three days, she thought about a lot of things, from the encounter between two people, realized the process of falling in love in the middle, felt that he did not love himself at all, and then remembered some details, but felt that he also loved himself, psychological activities were particularly rich, sometimes thinking about thinking and crying, looking at the mobile phone looking forward to his news, but he was always indifferent.
So she wondered: What was he thinking in the days when he didn't contact him?
I told her that the answer was simple, two words: no thoughts. Yes, the boy actually didn't think about anything, if he really had any thoughts about this relationship, he would have looked for her a long time ago, so he wouldn't have been silent. There are two reasons for remaining silent, either because I don't think of her at all, or because I don't want to face any emotions from her, so I just avoid it.
Probably in the past, she always took the initiative to reconcile, and to a certain extent, she gave the boy the illusion that he did not want to maintain this relationship, after all, he did not have to do anything all along, and this relationship could go particularly smoothly.
Therefore, as a girl, or do not use brain supplements to fall in love, I found that most girls in love, are easy to use their own thinking to think of each other, and then added countless plays, but also to the other party's behavior to find a lot of reasonable or unreasonable reasons. But in fact, things are often not so complicated, you need to find excuses to maintain the relationship, the essence can show that this excuse is only given by you, all the answers depend on the result is enough, what is his attitude, your feelings will naturally face the corresponding results.
Like this girl, it's clear that despite her attempt to use some of the two-person past to prove that he loves himself, saying that he's sometimes nice to himself too. But I would say that even among friends, there are some things that are good for you, let alone lovers. Therefore, this kind of good, in fact, does not have any particularity, that is, this person will usually do some things, do not over-interpret.
Many things can only be seen clearly at critical moments.
For example, this boyfriend who says he loves her, when he encounters any contradictions, has never had the mind to solve them, and never bows his head, which has proved that his love is just a kind of statement that stabilizes her. After all, if she didn't say this, how could she be dead set on the ground?
After the age of listening to love, everyone must become a little more realistic, but also love themselves a little more, some love that cannot be forced, no matter how you deceive yourself, can not change the final result. Stopping the loss in time is the most correct thing, but for many people, it may be difficult.
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