Inferiority is a lingering haze, which has no effect except to consume a person's ambition and will, make him self-abandoning, pessimistic and world-weary.
If asked when a person's character is formed and characterized, as adults, I believe that each of us has our own answers.
I have done small-scale surveys and consulted a large number of psychological literature, and countless real-life cases have given us a rough answer: a person's personality is formed in childhood between the ages of 3 and 7, and is characterized in adolescence (between the ages of 8 and 15).
In fact, in the ancient mainland saying, there is already a saying that "three years old is set to eighty", which originally meant that the personality expressed at a young age could basically affect a person's life pattern.
This is said in the folk saying that "3 years old looks small, 7 years old looks old", but it has to be said that many older parents misunderstand the meaning of this sentence.
As far as I know, a large part of people tend to "look" at the moral performance or mental development of young children, for example, if a child behaves "sensible" and "educated" very early, he feels that the child will have a good future.
So much so that they later found that some of the "good children" who were young became "good gentlemen" who were inferior and introverted and had ordinary abilities when they grew up, while some "bear children" who had "countless problems" when they were young grew up to have a good development.
In the end, they often attribute their children's unsatisfactory life to lack of effort and poor (family conditions) and short ambitions, which is also an important origin of parent-child contradictions.
In fact, a normal person living to middle age can generally determine one thing, that is, his own personality basically determines his own pattern and destiny, which is too difficult to change.
Today, we will talk about a character trait that seriously restricts the development of life: inferiority.
Text | Honest Chen YOLO
Edit | God teases Daddy
The wonderful "inner drama" of the inferior person
Lao Wang was very annoyed, he had been stopped outside the elevator by the security guard for the fourth time.
The birth of a daughter is a happy thing, but because it is a special period (epidemic prevention and control), the hospital has strict control over people entering and leaving.
When he was first stopped, he would nod his head and apologize for forgetting to wear the bracelet, but it has been four or five days, up and down so many times a day, can you still not know?
He always felt that these security guards were deliberately trying to make things difficult for him, because they were always so polite to those who were well dressed, and others walked in with a big wave and did not ask.
"Dog eyes look down on people! I knew I was wearing a little better clothes! He scolded in his heart, and explained to the security guard again, saying that her wife had just given birth to a child, her appetite was changeable, and she didn't like the food she had just brought, so she went down to buy it, and forgot to wear it.
"I'm so old, why did I forget to bring a bracelet?" Be sure to wear it on your hands next time and don't take it off! It's the rule, you know? The security guard shouted angrily.
Lao Wang blushed and almost had a seizure, but thinking that his wife and mother-in-law were still waiting to eat, more was better than less, and there was no need to worry about a "little squander at the door".
Inside the elevator, a woman shouted impatiently, "Can't you get in?" Hurry up when you want to come in! Don't you see us all waiting? ”
Echoing the sound, Lao Wang squeezed into the elevator with his head down, although he was extremely unhappy in his heart, he still said sorry on his mouth.
Usually, if I encounter such a situation, I will also treat people kindly, at least not so unceremoniously shouting.
Back in the ward, the wife and mother-in-law were visibly impatient.
"People who are thirty or forty years old, how can they be so distracted when they do something?" All said don't be too salty, don't be too salty, your mother still put so much salt, she is really big-hearted, granddaughters are born and do not come to see! His wife complained bitterly.
"My mother came the other day, and they wouldn't let her come up..." he whispered.
"I see that you don't know anything about the heartache, so I said that you shouldn't have agreed to the marriage between the two of you in the first place!" I don't have money, I don't have the eyesight to see, I really don't know which point you like! The mother-in-law looked at the child with her eyes and expressed her reluctance to see him in her mouth.
He probably knew that women would be more or less emotional after giving birth, but he didn't expect her to be so "sentimental" and shed tears whenever she didn't go well, as if she had suffered a lot of grievances.
"The most aggrieved person should be me..." he thought to himself.
In fact, in the past few decades, he has lived a very annoying life every day, in the words of friends, he is a "soft egg" before marriage, and after marriage he is "strict with his wife".
There is no day when you are comfortable, and you always feel that you are too far away from others.
Yes, I only got married at the age of 35, which is really not a little worse than most of my old classmates.
But what can I do, when I went to school, in addition to my own life and death, my parents almost didn't care about anything, out of society, I managed a lot, but I also urged him to earn money and then find various excuses to ask him for money.
Incompetent, unbridled, ruthless, bottomless, old and good, soft-faced, these imaginary views of others on him, slowly he also recognized.
"How did I get mixed up like this?" When I was a child, I was so worry-free and diligent, why is my current situation so difficult? ”
"Why is my honesty and kindness seen as an S egg?" Why is my kindness seen as having no bottom line? Why is it that those who were obviously very good when I was a child are still hindering my development now..."
He thought about these questions more than once, always trying to find answers, he knew that this had nothing to do with economic conditions, he once said: "I can get to this day, not only people are poor and short-minded!" ”
3 typical characteristics of people with low self-esteem
Lao Wang, when I was in school, my academic performance was good, even if I was a friend who had played since I was a child, I also thought later, what can keep us friends is definitely not his academic performance, maybe I have always found a sense of superiority in him.
In my memory, I have always been the "child of other people's families" in the mouth of his parents, and I don't know how many times I have praised me in front of his face, anyway, in his mother's mouth, he is nothing compared to mine.
Now it is the same, the last time I ate at his house, his mother still hated that he was not as good as the second egg in the village who was not good at school, saying that everyone's wife had changed twice, one was younger and better looking...
In fact, there are not many people who know this, and I am probably the person who knows him best in the world.
Is he really worse than me? I don't think so, all the things needed to start a family and start a business are all his own hard work and responsibility, people don't smoke or drink or HDD, but his parents always have their own opinions.
I still remember one thing, probably in the first year of junior high school, I went to his house after school to play, his mother stewed pig's elbow, when we served it, we were both hungry like hungry wolves pounced on it and nibbled, and as a result, he was counted down, saying that he was like a bandit, but said that I ate like a man, domineering, mighty...
There are many similar things, anyway, many times, the same thing, shelving others there is excellent, shelving him there is the problem.
In addition to swallowing his anger (showing the appearance of a well-behaved child), he also privately complained to me and rolled his eyes, knowing that as long as his parents were unhappy at home, he did not even dare to come out of the atmosphere.
None of us realized that such a thing had such a big impact on his later life.
I'm probably an honest person, but I can't say "thick" at all, but the word is most appropriate for him.
Specific examples aside, in the eyes of all people who know him, he is an extremely inferior and extremely marginalized person.
Honest duties are not reused at work, and treating others well in life is not cared for and valued, which is probably like this.
He occasionally complained that his family only cared about how much rice he earned, and every day he knew to complain to him, he felt that people's hearts were too evil, and there were few good people in this world...
Forgot to say that he is 38 years old this year, not the same old age as when he was a child, but his mind is more like an ignorant teenager.
In him, there are three characteristics of the most typical of the inferiority complex:
1, overly sensitive, self-esteem is particularly strong, sometimes you are obviously sincerely praising him, but he will feel that you are sarcastic and hit him;
2, lack of rationality, mood changeable, the surface seems to be calm (reverse to the flow), but the heart is surging, these repressed emotions are eventually transformed into the power of mental internal friction;
3, psychological imbalance, like to weaken themselves, always can not see their own value, and even suspect that others always dislike themselves.
These characteristics do not affect his interpersonal relationships and work efficiency, and gradually, he is becoming more and more bottomless about himself.
In fact, there are many similar inferiority people in this world, and from their past we can roughly come to such a conclusion: the pattern of inferiority is mostly unbreakable, and the life of inferiority is mostly obscure.
Low self-esteem is enough to destroy a person who is already very good.
epilogue
Everyone knows that character determines destiny, but they always neglect the cultivation of character, only because character formation is at the age when the child has not yet received real respect (feelings, needs, etc.).
Unfortunately, people are born with the instinct to be recognized and affirmed, and if this need is met in the early days of life, they can obtain the most primitive self-confidence, on the contrary, no matter how much suffering, it is impossible to "gain what they can't".
Wait until you become an adult and want to regain your self-confidence? Oh, adult self-confidence is no longer "self-knowledge" itself.
Give the child more love, which can give him the confidence of "I am loved"; give the child more affirmation, which can give him the confidence of "I can do"; give the child more respect, which can give him "I am an independent person" confidence; give the child more growth time, which can give him "I can correct" confidence.
Don't underestimate this, these things basically do not belong to a bad adult!
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