Just after the Spring Festival holiday, colleague Xiao Cai complained as soon as he went to work: "Taking a baby at home for 7 days is more tiring than going to 7 days of work!" It turned out that during the holidays, Xiao Cai's 5-year-old son was always making all kinds of unreasonable trouble, which made Xiao Cai have a headache.
For example, when I went to a relative's house to visit the New Year, I was about to have lunch, but my son was clamoring to eat fruit. Xiao Cai let him eat again after eating, but his son was noisy that he had to eat now, Xiao Cai insisted on not letting him eat, and his son lay on the ground and rolled around, which made Xiao Cai very embarrassed, and had to compromise in order to stop his son's crying as soon as possible.
In the face of the child's unreasonable trouble, many parents are the same as Xiao Cai, in order to appease the child's emotions as soon as possible, even if they know that the child's requirements are unreasonable, they still choose to give in and meet the child's requirements. This approach, on the face of it, seems to have the problem solved. But in the long run, it is not good for the growth of the child.
Unprincipled compromise can encourage the child's unreasonable teasing
When a child's needs are not met, they are often expressed in a crying way. This is the same as we adults will be sad and cry when we encounter sad things, it is a normal emotional reaction. However, many parents will be eager to appease their children as soon as they see their children crying, and unconditionally meet their children's unreasonable requirements.
I don't know, this practice of parents will make children think that when their requirements are not met, parents will give in by making unreasonable trouble. When a similar situation is encountered again, the child will follow suit. Over time, children will not express their needs in the right way, thus developing the habit of being unreasonable.
It is equally inappropriate to scold and threaten, and to be unreasonable
When children make unreasonable trouble, the common wrong handling methods of parents, in addition to compromise, there are violent means such as scolding and threats, reasoning and other behaviors.
The diametrically opposed to compromise is violent means such as verbal threats. Although the effect of this method is mostly immediate. However, doing so will not only cause greater harm to the child's body and mind, but also affect the parent-child relationship. Children who grow up in this way of education are either prone to become hot-tempered people or cowardly people when they grow up.
Reasoning is also a method that parents often use when they encounter children crying. But for emotional children, the truth is often not listened to. It will also make children think that their emotions are not recognized and understood by others.
How parents should properly deal with their children's unreasonable teasing
Here, I will first tell you a case. Xiao Chen has a 4-year-old daughter. One day, Xiao Chen's unit arranged for Xiao Chen to travel to other places for 3 days the next day. When Xiao Chen told her daughter the news, her daughter began to cry and shouted, "I don't want my mother to leave!" I don't want my mom to leave me! ”
Xiao Chen first comforted her daughter: "My mother went for 3 days and will come back soon." Besides, Daddy is still at home, Daddy will take care of you! The daughter continued to cry, and even threatened Xiao Chen not to eat dinner. At this point, Xiao Chen was anxious and threatened his daughter: "What's wrong with your child!" Your mother will ignore you like this again! ”
At this time, Dad came over. He said to his daughter, "Mom's going on a business trip, you're sad, right?" The daughter nodded. Dad then said, "Hmm! When your grandmother was a child, I was also very sad! However, if you don't eat like this, you won't be able to solve the problem! Well, you finish eating first, and then we think about what we can do during the 3 days when mom is away? Then, the father and daughter began to arrange the activities for these 3 days. Under the guidance of her father, her daughter's emotions gradually calmed down.
I wonder if you have learned from the father's approach in the case how to deal with the child's unreasonable trouble? Next, let me comb through with you. In the face of children's unreasonable trouble, we can do it in three steps.
The first step is to re-recognize the child's unreasonable teasing.
In the eyes of most parents, children's tantrums, crying and other behaviors are mostly unreasonable. In fact, this is because children have not yet learned how to express emotions correctly. At this time, it is the best time for us to guide children to learn how to express and manage emotions. When we realize this, we will not rush to suppress the child's emotions and take the wrong approach.
The second step is to accept the child's current emotions and help the child's emotions to be named.
Naming your child's emotions with language is the first step in teaching your child to manage your emotions. For example, when we see a child's face full of lost and sad looks, we can say to the child, "Are you disappointed and sad now?" "When we use language to express the child's current emotions, the child will feel that his emotions are understood, and the emotions will be alleviated to a certain extent."
The third step is to guide your child to use other emotional expressions.
We can tell children that there is no problem with emotions. However, you cannot express emotions to hurt yourself or others. We can guide children to talk to their families when they are in a bad mood, or they can do what they like and so on to release their emotions.
We need to let our children understand that emotions themselves are not right or wrong. The child's unreasonable teasing is a wrong way of expression, as long as the parents are reasonably guided, the child can learn how to express their emotions correctly.