Author | Erhe
"The World of Man" is so good to cry!
The dialogue between Zhou Bingkun, played by Lei Jiayin, and his father, but in just a dozen seconds, it makes people tear up instantly.
@TV series Human World
Zhou Bingkun: "What words are ugly, what do you say; where it hurts you, it's all raised by a father and a mother, and I don't have a chance..."
"Isn't that true?"
"Should it be said! How hard I feel, you know..."
In this home, Zhou Bingkun has always been a little transparent.
My brother and sister graduated from Peking University, one married the daughter of the provincial governor, the other married to a famous poet, and they all lived to become the face of the glory lintel.
But he, the education is not good, the soy sauce factory small worker, married a woman with a baby, can only hide at home, as a "Lizi" who cannot show people.
But even so, Zhou Bingkun painstakingly guarded this home, took care of his sister's children, and took care of his bedridden mother without complaint.
He is like a child waiting to eat candy, watching his parents praise his brother, show off his sister, and hope that he can be praised in the eyes.
But what awaited was the father's public number of drops, with stinging, fierce and painful:
"Since you were a child, your brother and your sister's family has studied well, you!" Let you go to the university, can you get in! ”
Even if he has long been an adult, a happy family, and a successful career, in his heart, he is still the child who is not confident and longs for his father's affirmation, and he will still cry and say: "My greatest wish in this life is to make my father and my mother satisfied with me..."
The message area is full of "too real" evaluations, too many people sigh, looking at Zhou Bingkun is like looking in the mirror.
How many people, all their lives, have longed for the approval of their parents.
A person's self-confidence is first obtained from parents. Stop saying they're vulnerable, they've waited too long for that sentence.
The child does not want much, and a word of approval from the parents is enough
In "Holiday Warm Yangyang", Cheng Man, played by Liu Tao, has never understood why he tried his best to love his daughter, but her daughter kept fleeing.
Seeing the conversation between mother and daughter, I understood the reason.
It was difficult to find his daughter, and Cheng Man began to scold the mode in public: "You are still kind enough to say that you have invited so many top teachers to make up classes one-on-one, you can't even enter the top ten of the class!" ”
"What have you wronged?"
The daughter hid behind her father and shouted out her heart: "Don't you want to say that I am an idiot?" ”
"Mom, as long as you're not with me, I'll be happy."
Children don't really want much, compared to large houses and favorable material conditions, what they need most is the approval of their parents.
After an interview, the girl Frida said, "I have never heard a word of praise since I grew up, I grew up on my own. ”
She had a hard time getting the offer she liked for a long time, happily sharing it with her mother, and all she had to wait for was cold words: "What are you going to do there, join in the fun." ”
When she told her dad how much money she could make, all she heard was the irony of splitting her head and covering her face: "You don't do anything out of the ordinary." ”
She tried to communicate again, saying that there were many opportunities, but in exchange for denial and depreciation: "You are this mountain looking at that mountain high!" ”
Every time, she gathered enough courage to communicate, but what awaited her was always a basin of cold water full of denial and blows.
It's easy to crush a child, ignore him, deny him, keep hitting him, and that's enough.
Even the world's psychotherapist Owen Yalong, who has healed countless people in this life, is still vaguely uneasy in the face of flowers and applause, and he always wakes up when he dreams back in the middle of the night.
Since he was a child, he had never heard a word of approval from his mother, which became a black hole that he was forever dissatisfied with.
Even 10 years after his mother's death, he still grabbed his mother's sleeve in his dream and asked timidly, "Mom, am I doing well?" ”
Children who lack the affirmation of their parents, even if they win the whole world, are still incomplete.
Your praise can really affect your child's life
In the variety show "Teacher Please Answer", a 7-year-old boy said with tears on his face that his biggest wish was to beg his mother not to call him two hundred and five in the future.
Once the homework is long, after doing the wrong question, what awaits him is always his mother's roar, roar, throwing pencil, and then the infinite cycle of blows: "You're two hundred and five, right?" ”
The child is the most trusted parent in the world, and what you say to him, he will really take it seriously.
There is a kerosene lamp effect in psychology, which means that the more intimate the person, the deeper the control over you, the greater the impact.
When you call a child stupid, he really doubts that he can't do it; when you praise him as a genius, he will have the courage to challenge himself.
A word of depreciation from a parent can be engraved in the child's heart for a lifetime; a small affirmation can really become a beam of light that illuminates his entire life.
In "Jiang Zhao Dawn", Li Xiaonan, played by Ma Sichun, once pretended not to care and asked her mother the question that had been resting in her heart for a long time: "Except for my sister, have I ever made you proud?" ”
Mom looked into her eyes and said seriously, "Actually, I never felt that you were inferior to your sister, and many times I felt that you were tough and strong." ”
This sentence made Li Xiaonan stunned on the spot. She never thought that in her mother's eyes, she was still great.
The mother also turned her back and cried, not knowing that her praise was so important to her daughter.
What really makes the child indestructible, optimistic and open-minded is not the adversity he suffers, but the words that parents say from the bottom of their hearts that you can.
Many people remember the words that hit the mother of the daughter in "The Boy Says", "If you don't hit you, you will float." ”
Too many parents confuse the order of educating their children, thinking that they are only worthy of praise and praise if they do a good job.
But as the educator Wang Renping said, children will do better because they are seen, respected, and affirmed.
● Find more flash points and change the "distribution mechanism"
How much does our recognition affect children?
Netizen @ Xiaowei is not bad, every night will handwrite a "affirmation sticker" for the child, and give it to the child before going to school in the morning.
Take your daughter to the pharmacy, she did not mess with the medicine, she will praise her progress on the affirmation sticker;
The school homework was not finished, but the first thing after arriving home was to take the initiative to make up the homework, and praise her execution...
A little bit of progress, can also be captured by this mother, a little bit of small achievements, there is a chance, she will work hard to boast.
What is surprising is that in this way, the relationship between mother and daughter is not only getting better and better, but also the child's self-discipline ability is getting stronger and stronger.
● Recognition ≠ embarrassing praise
Friends say they have recently been rejected by their sons.
My son likes to draw, every time he finishes painting, as soon as he asks her opinion, she immediately praises, you are awesome, the painting is good, I am proud of you...
But Barabala boasted, and the son was not only unhappy, but also said that she was perfunctory and embarrassed.
Friends are particularly aggrieved, praising the child is not to recognize him, how is it wrong?
Recognition ≠ embarrassing.
Educator Nelson pointed out that praising children is also skilled.
"You're great", "I'm proud of you" and "This painting reflects your efforts", which way is more suitable for children?
The former is directed to the parents themselves, while the latter efforts point to the child's own strength, obviously, the latter is more likely to resonate with the child;
And "I like you to help me wash the dishes" and "I thank you for your cooperation", the latter can give children full respect.
In short, having skills and being sincere will make the "rainbow fart" boast to the point.
Some people say that the meaning of the existence of parents is that when you think of them, your heart will be full of strength, you will feel warm, so that you have the courage and ability to overcome difficulties, so as to obtain the true joy and freedom of life.
Become such a parent. With positive language and slow love, accompany children to grow up slowly.
Your child will eventually become what you say.
—— End ——
Author: Erhe, journalist, pastry chef, likes fresh and interesting text, prefers sweet and rich cream. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.