Wen 〡玲子
Source: Pin Reading, No. 2, 2022
One Saturday, my son asked his classmate Wen Zhe to go to the Science and Technology Museum together. As soon as they entered the museum, the two little boys who loved to explore were immediately attracted to various new technologies, and almost every project was excited to linger for a long time.
Wen Zhe's mother and I followed behind, and there was a pair of small talk. Talk about the children's learning, but also talk about the sweet and sour in the process of raising children, and then somehow talk about ourselves.
When it was time to close the year, this chat only knew that we were all daughters who were married far away - her mother's family was in Sichuan, my mother's family was in Shandong, and because of the long marriage, we were all rare to return to her mother's house every year. Because of the epidemic, she has not returned for two years. This kind of sympathy for each other suddenly brought us closer.
Mother Wen Zhe hugged me excitedly and suddenly said, "Oh, yes, my name is Yuan Li, and you will call me by my name from now on." ”
I also reported my name, and I couldn't help but laugh and said to her: "Counting, we have known each other for a year or two, and we spend almost every weekend with our children, and we don't even know each other's names." ”
Wen Zhe's mother also laughed and said, "But no, since I had a child, I have become a person without a name." When she came out, she has always been called Wenzhe's mother. The mothers who are often together around us seem to be like this, they are all 'who is the mother', never know whose surname is the name, and have become a bunch of women who have no name and no surname..."
Indeed it is. Since I have children, most of my circle is moms, and their respective titles have naturally become "child names + mothers". Almost no one asked for his real name, and he forgot to tell it. Even if the children are growing up playing together, we don't know each other's real names, and when we meet, we shout "Oh, who is the mother--" Everyone seems to have become accustomed to this kind of pronoun derived from children, completely forgetting that they are also named people.
After that Saturday, Wen Zhe's mother agreed with me that we would all be worthy of each other by our real names. When contacting on WeChat, also call the other party's name, no longer call the "child's name + mother" such a pronoun. We must remember that we are a person with a name, not just a mother.
Can't help but think of my mother. In my memory, my mother's name only existed on her identity card, and I rarely heard people call her in my life.
For decades, "Little Red Lady" was my mother's name, and it was named after my nickname. I was the eldest of the children in the family, so even though I had younger siblings later, the villagers used to call me my mother that way. In my nickname, as a mother-in-law, I accompanied my mother for most of her life. Most of the mothers in the village are like this, such as Stone Mother, Osmanthus Her Mother, Ermei Her Mother... As for the real name, probably no one knows it except himself and his own people.
My mother had only just learned to write her own name a few years ago because she had a bank card in town, and she needed to sign herself to deposit and withdraw money. At that time, my mother, who was nearly sixty years old, finally learned to write her own name.
She wrote slowly, stroke by stroke, but she was extremely focused and serious. Sure she wrote it right, she smiled and showed it to me. In that excited smile, there was a little shyness and a little pride. I praised my mother for writing well, and she smiled even brighter. My mother, who had "lost" her name to her children, finally found it with a pen and wrote down her real name.
Although few people still know my mother's name and still call her "Little Red Her Mother", her name has been deeply engraved in my heart.
How many mothers in this world have become "nameless and surnameless" women? They were renamed as children and became "who's mom", in the name of maternal love. There are even many mothers who not only "lost" their names, but also "lost" themselves, and once countless dreams were left with only one: "Be a good mother." ”
There is a saying in The Art of Love: "If a man can love others productively, he will also love himself; if a man loves only others, he has no ability to love." ”
As women, especially mothers, it is instinctive to love children, but while we love children, we must also remember to love ourselves a little. After all, we can love ourselves before we can love the people around us.
For example, taking care of your own body will have more energy to take care of the people you want to love; take care of your emotions, and you can use a gentler state of mind to care for the people you care for.
Therefore, women who have "lost their name" because of their children should remember that they are also worthy of love; that they remember their names—either poetic or slightly tacky," but they have all been placed by loved ones who have placed good wishes on us. Remember that while we are "who's moms," we're still ourselves.
Wen 〡玲子, original title: "Those Women Who "Lost Their Names""
Editor-in-charge: Zhang Chu | Proofreader: Qin Daixin