Parents who have a "rubbing king" in the family must spend every day in the "hypnotic". Get up to urge, eat to urge, take a bath to urge, go to school to urge, write homework to urge... Seeing the child's grinding and rubbing appearance, parents do not fight a little, can not help but accuse a few words, and will do it when they can't control it.
Many parents have asked me: "How can we get rid of the bad habit of grinding and rubbing in children?" Some parents asked: "Is the child's rubbing related to personality?" ”
If I say that the child's rubbing is not due to personality, nor is it bad habits, but the "monkey" in the brain is making trouble, can you believe it?
The child is always rubbing, and it turns out that the "monkey" in the brain is at work
In fact, not only do children love to rub, adults sometimes do things is also "procrastination" upper body, not to the last moment do not do. Why is that?
In a TED talk, Tim Urban, founder of Wait But Why, shared his own discovery of the psychological mechanisms of procrastinators.
He used to be a "senior" procrastinator, when he went to college, he could have completed the paper in a year, he had to delay until the last three days to start writing, but some students wrote it early. He felt that the brains of people who procrastinate and those who did not procrastinate may be different.
To test his conjecture, Tim Urban found someone who did MRI with him, and then analyzed the brain scans he obtained, and made interesting discoveries.
To better understand, he drew two drawings. The first picture is of the brain of a man who does not procrastinate, with only one rational decision-maker in his head at the helm.
The second picture shows what the procrastinating human brain looks like, with a monkey next to it in addition to a rational decision-maker.
At this time, the difference is reflected. Tim Urban refers to the monkeys in procrastinators' brains as "timely monkeys," which, as the name suggests, focuses only on simple and happy things, such as playing with mobile phones, snacking, sleeping, vacationing, etc. When rational decision-makers do something planned or difficult, they will clash with the timely monkeys, resulting in contradictions. In time, the monkey will grab the steering wheel, control the direction, and guide the brain to carry out leisure activities. Of course, people who procrastinate are in pain and happy, enjoying the comfort of leisure while feeling anxious in their hearts.
So, will the timely monkey become the master of the brain? Not really. There is another character in the brain called Panic Monster. When the panicked monster finds that the timely monkey is making trouble, so that the planned things will exceed the time and cannot be completed, it will go out to drive the timely monkey away and let the rational decision-makers regain control of the steering wheel, which is why most people who procrastinate will finish things in the final time. Although the process was very painful, the task was successfully completed in the end.
Therefore, the reason why people procrastinate is not that they themselves want to procrastinate, but to fight against the "monkeys" in the brain, and it is very difficult not to procrastinate.
For adults, the brain development is more mature and perfect, the ability of rational decision-makers is much higher than that of children, and in the process of "confrontation" with timely monkeys, it is relatively much easier than children. When the child faces the temptation of the monkey in time, it is difficult to resist, easy to be distracted by external influences, unable to make rational decisions, and finally shows the behavior of rubbing and procrastination.
It is natural for children to always rub and rub, but parents cannot get used to it
In essence, it is natural for children to always rub. American psychologist Erica Rascher also said in the "Guide to The Practice of Quality Parenting" that children who rub their hands are normal, which is a necessary stage in their growth process. In the grinding and rubbing, children can discover the laws of the world and grasp the rhythm of doing things.
In the face of children's rubbing behavior, parents can be a little more patient, not too harsh, use adult standards to ask children, a little more patience, allow children to slow down. However, it should be noted that parents must not let it go, and they must be vigilant in time to get stronger and stronger as the monkey grows, and the child is deflected.
After all, rubbing will not only waste a lot of time, disrupt the original plan, reduce the efficiency of work, but also affect the child's academic performance, interpersonal relationships and physical and mental health. Especially after school age, the problems caused by children's rubbing will become more and more serious, resulting in learning performance and learning habits becoming very bad, self-control and planning ability are relatively poor, and it is easy for children to feel guilty and anxious, reduce self-efficacy, and develop an inferior and depressed personality. Moreover, rubbing is a habit, the more laissez-faire, the more serious the performance, parents should guide their children to manage the timely monkey in their brains, rather than being swayed by this monkey in turn.
In the face of their children's grinding, smart parents will do the same
Behind every rubbing child, there is a pair of urging parents. In the face of children's rubbing behavior, urging is the first reaction of parents, but the effect is not good, but it will make children immune and more and more rubbing. Some parents, in order to save time and effort, personally go to the battlefield and do everything, and it turns out that the child not only has not changed the bad habit of rubbing, but also relies more on the parents, and the ability to stand on oneself is very poor.
In the face of their child's grinding, smart parents will do this:
1. Let the child bear the consequences of the rubbing
The child does not want to get up in the morning to go to school, and after the parents have called several times, they should stop calling. When the child wakes up naturally, finds that he is late for school, rushes to school, is criticized by the teacher, and is ridiculed by his classmates, he can experience the taste of being late.
This is the "law of natural consequences" proposed by the French thinker Rousseau, which means that when the child produces bad behavior, let the child bear the consequences himself, so that the child recognizes the mistake and takes the initiative to correct it.
Therefore, when the child is grinding and rubbing, there is no need for parents to be in a hurry, distinguish who the rubbing is, give a kind reminder or appropriate help, if the child has not accelerated the action, then let nature take its course, no longer interfere too much, let the child pay for his own behavior.
2. Improve children's time management skills
Children's comprehension skills are limited, and they may not know how long an hour will be, nor do they care whether this can be done within today. Faced with this situation, parents can concretize their time. For example, tell your child what time it takes to get up, what time to go to bed, 2 minutes to get dressed, 15 minutes to take a bath, 30 minutes to eat a meal... Help them form a sense of time.
Then have your child make a time schedule for themselves and follow the time schedule every day. Every time a child adheres to a plan, parents give certain encouragement or rewards to improve the child's enthusiasm.
If the child violates the plan, he will be subject to corresponding small penalties, such as shortening the time of the game and reducing the number of snacks. Doing so can not only cultivate children's ability to control time, but also help them accumulate experience in planning time and get rid of bad habits of grinding.
3. Cultivate children's concentration
Children are sometimes rubbed, prone to distraction and distraction, and may not be able to concentrate enough to devote themselves to one thing. For example, when studying, it always takes half a day to sit still, look out the window, play with an eraser meal, and write a simple math problem. In this case, in fact, we can't all blame the child, because people's concentration is limited.
Psychologists in the United States once did a test and found that elementary school students only had 15 units of attention, and these 15 units of attention could only support them to memorize 8 minutes of words, copy 15 minutes of new words and concentrate on listening to lectures for 20 minutes.
Therefore, let the child say goodbye to the rubbing, improve the concentration, parents can keep the environment simple, quiet, and do not disturb too much when the child is concentrating on one thing. If the child is not focused enough on learning, it is recommended to separate the learning area and the game area, keep the learning area clean, and do not put too much debris. You can also train your child's concentration through some small games, such as puzzles, building blocks, beads, picking beans, etc.
Write at the end:
Children sometimes rub, not all intentional, may have done their best, but still can not meet the requirements of parents, if parents are accustomed to using the rules of adults to restrain children, then naturally can not get used to the child's slow look, always urge and blame them. Parents should realize that the rubbing of the child is not a disease, the urging of the parents to die, blindly urging and scolding is not able to solve the problem, find the root cause of the child's rubbing, and provide practical help, in order to correct bad habits.