Kids are playing with Lego bricks and excitedly building a building. However, one block got stuck, and the child tried two or three times without success. So, he threw the bricks to the ground with force and scolded fiercely, "Hum! Rotten bricks!" Then he picked up another block in his hand and threw it farther away. What would you do then?
We need to first understand why children often change from angels to demons in an instant, which is actually related to their brains.
Children's brains are not yet mature, based on survival instincts, they can easily interpret small things as threats, even if it is just a block group can not get up, or a lid can not be opened, can also instantly trigger the brain's fear response, into a state of fight or flight.
With time and guidance, the child's sanity will gradually develop, so that they can "understand people's words and calm down on their own.". In the event of a crisis, adults can play the role of a coach, guiding the child's brain back to calm.
Playfulness:
Play is a child's instinct, they naturally like to play and have fun, but also to avoid evil. Therefore, when interacting with children, exerting a sense of humor and creating a fun and relaxed atmosphere can reduce children's wariness and defense, and it will be much easier to guide children in the future.
Acceptance:
When a child loses his temper, the adult always wants to teach him right and wrong; however, like the story of the north wind and the sun, often the more he tries to correct him, the more he resists.
Only when the child knows that the adult will accept everything about him, even if he is angry and unruly, will his brain feel safe and then let go of his defenses.
Accepting the child is not about identifying with his negative behavior, but about paving the way for subsequent teachings that allow us to enter the child's heart and assist him.
If adults find it difficult to accept children at the moment, so that adults feel that their needs have been violated, it is recommended that they can seek opportunities to solve them.
Curiosity:
When adults ask children in a sincere and open manner, let him know that "I am eager to know you", without preconceived judgments about him, or as an extension of adults' ideas, it will convey respect for children, and children can open their hearts and express their true selves.
Empathy:
When we understand the child's true state, we can help him express it. Children's language skills are limited, and they often do not know how to speak well, so they express themselves with actions (such as throwing blocks to express anger).
He needed an adult demonstration to make him understand that "this feeling is angry, because I was angry that my dad wouldn't show me my phone, so I called my dad." I wanted my dad to know that I was really angry, but I was afraid that my dad wouldn't love me anymore, so I was really upset."
Studies have found that when the amygdala, the fear center of the brain, is activated, if the current emotion is translated into language, the amygdala can gradually calm down. Through repeated practice, the child is gradually able to internalize these languages, helping him to become aware of his state and regulate his emotions at the next emotional attack.
In the above process, adults can help children's brains calm down and defuse an emotional explosion crisis.
In the process, the child is able to reorganize his experiences and feelings, so that his understanding of the event does not stop at threats and setbacks, but creates a new meaning with the parents:
[Mom knows I'm not meaning to be angry, I'm not a bad kid, I'm just too upset.]
It doesn't matter if I make mistakes, I am accepted, I am loved. 】
These meanings can make the child's self more complete, but also strengthen his sense of security, is a deeper parent-child relationship plus experience.
Then, it would be easier to teach him "what you can do if you don't throw things away when you get angry."
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